


Perfect Time

by xnyre



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blackmail, Cheating, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, Cussing, Developing Relationship, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Good Akatsuki (Naruto), Hidan (Naruto) Swears, Idiots in Love, Strangers to Lovers, akatsuki dorks, and Hidan cooks, dialog driven, lots of swearing, making the plot up as I go tbh, uchiha tennis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 59,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xnyre/pseuds/xnyre
Summary: Their circles ran close but never touching until Hidan ran a red light, forcing their worlds to collide. Now, instead of being hit with a lawsuit, he’s being hit with the fake boyfriend card, and as dumb as the idea sounds, it doesn’t seem so bad coming out of her pretty mouth. A mystery mannequin, breaking and entering, Uchiha dinners and tennis matches, melona icecream, and social media upkeep - amongst other things - was not something Hidan thought would be included.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hidan
Comments: 36
Kudos: 98





	1. The One Where Hidan Runs Someone Over

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to move some of my work over to ao3. These first 2 chapters along with the beginning of chapter 3 were written a long long loooong time ago. The latter half of chapter 3 and beyond were written more within the past two years and it probably shows. I'm hoping to update this a lot more frequently now. This is definitely a story containing some crack in the modern day but there will be some serious moments sprinkled throughout. Hope you enjoy!

12:30AM

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

_Green._

"Wasting my time like that only to run to that _fucker_!"

_Green._

"She played me for a fucking fool, I should've trusted my damn gut!"

_Yellow._

"Fuck!"

_Red._

**_SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!_ **

"Holy shit!"

This was not happening. This was not happening. _This is fucking happening_!

Hidan fumbled with the car's doorknob before finally shoving it open and practically tumbling out. Scrambling to the front of the car, his eyes zeroed in on the girl lying unconscious.

"Fuck! This really is happening!"

The headlights of the car shone brightly onto the girl, making her look ghastly pale against the dark asphalt. Hidan crouched down before her, awkwardly hovering his hands over her body, unsure if trying to jostle her awake was a good idea. Finger prints and stuff. Instead, he let his eyes frantically search for cuts, blood, or any body parts bending in a way they shouldn't. Hidan wasn't a doctor but, he knew a fucked up body part when he saw it.

"Fuck it." He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her none too gently, "Hey! Hey, girl wake up! Please don't be dead, I'm nowhere near a good place to bury you." Hidan started mumbling to himself, looking up and around, debating if he might actually have to start looking for a place to dig a 6 foot hole.

"Nghh…"

Hidan jumped back, startled at the noise before realizing it came of the otherwise thought to be, _possibly_ , dead body. "Hey, you're alive!” Hidan exclaimed, overjoyed.

The girl's eyes slowly creaked opened revealing slightly unfocused green irises. She let out a short wheeze that almost sounded like a word. Hidan leaned forward. 

"…I…. hope y-you… have…. a lawyer…."

Oh yes, Hidan was certainly screwed.


	2. The One Where Deidara And Kisame Become Accomplices

1:00AM

“I can’t believe you ran someone over, un. Of all the stupid shit you've somehow gotten yourself into, this is the icing on the cake. I mean what if you gave her amnesia and she doesn’t even know her own name? Or anything else for that matter! Oh god, what if she doesn’t even remember how to _speak_!” Deidara rambled off, pacing back and forth while Hidan watched him from the couch.

After gingerly placing the girl in the trunk of the car, Hidan had called Deidara in a panic, hoping he would help out with the… _accident,_ but the blonde was proving more frustrating than anything. True he should up on his doorstep with an unconscious girl in his hand that now laid in Deidara's bed upstairs _but,_ he didn't need any more things to scare himself over and amnesia hadn't even cross his mind as a possibility.

“Stop fucking jinxing me. If that happens I’ll just make her my sex slave. Never show her the outside world or something, I don’t fucking know Deidara, fuck.”

“You’re _not_ going to do that and _you_ are going to fix this, un.”

“If I knew how to fix it, I wouldn't even be here now, would I?” Hidan snorted, flinging a throw pillow at the blonde and missing.

Deidara ceased his pacing and plopped down on the recliner across from Hidan. A tired sigh escaped past his lips and he sunk further into the chair. “Have you thought about taking the girl to the hospital?”

Hidan threw another pillow but Deidara caught it and held it to his chest. “That was obviously not the first thing I thought of if I impulsively drove to your fucking house dipshit.”

Deidara stared at him with a blank expression. “You’re getting stupider by the day.”

“Fuck you, stupider isn’t even a word.”

“Your existence forced it to be a word.” Deidara muttered, reclining back and placing the pillow over his eyes. Maybe if he tried hard enough he’d sink into the void of death, at least he wouldn't have to deal with his friend’s shit then.

Hidan watched impatiently as Deidara threw his arm over the the side of the chair, wildly reaching around until it found the extra pillow he threw earlier and hugged it loosely against him.

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.” Deidara grunted out. Hidan threw the last pillow from the couch, but Deidara didn’t even flinch when it made contact. “We’ll call Kisame in the morning and have him examine her, un. ‘Til then, I’m sleeping.”

“What about the fucking girl!”

“She’s out cold. You can thank yourself for that, un.”

“Whatever,” Hidan grumbled before also closing his eyes, “Toss me back that pillow.”

"No. You gave up pillow privileges' after you threw all of them over here."

"You have an ungodly number of 'em. You won't miss one."

" _No_. I don't need you throwing them again at me either, un. I'm trying to _sleep_."

" _Deidara_."

"Pillows are only for those who don't run people over with their car, un."

"Fuck you."

* * *

5:10AM

Kisame tapped his knuckles against the wooden door twice. Deidara and Hidan had woken him up with their incessant calls and texts exclaiming his presence was needed _immediately._ Kisame let out a mighty yawn. It was only ten past five in the morning and here he stood before Deidara’s door. Muffled voices could be heard with some heavy footsteps following.

“Thank god you’re here Kisame! I need someone with some common sense and Hidan is killing _all_ of my brain cells.” Deidara greeted after swinging the door open. Kisame blinked slowly, not processing what was just said at all. Fuck, he was tired.

“Yo, I’m surprised you had any to begin with.” Hidan snapped as he stood slightly behind Deidara in the doorway. Kisame turned his gaze over to the silver haired man and took note that he looked more pale and sweaty than usual. His lazy gaze moved back to Deidara when he started shifting from foot to foot. Kisame waited to be let in but the two other men continued to hesitate in the doorway.

“There’s no way you woke me up, made me put on pants, and walk my happy ass over here just so you could make me stand in the cold. Now, clearly you two have been up to no good, seeing as how you both look suspicious as hell, so move out the way so we can discuss who you killed.” Kisame ordered, his voice still raspy from sleep. They exchanged nervous glances before slinking out of the way for him.

“Thank you.” Kisame nodded and made his way past them.

“Just for the record, we didn’t kill anyone!” Hidan quipped from behind while Kisame slipped off his shoes.

“You might as well have.” Deidara muttered which earned him a prompt jab to the ribs. Kisame raised an eyebrow at their antics but shrugged it off before slipping his arms out of his coat and tossing it to Hidan. 

“Hang that up, I don’t want wrinkles.” Kisame ordered before shuffling into the living room.

“Of course, your Highness.” Hidan sneered, dropping the coat to the floor. Kisame’s chuckle could be heard from the other room.

“You obviously called me for my help so you’re basically my bitch right now. Hang that coat up Hidan- _kun._ ”

Hidan didn’t need to be in front of Kisame to know that the bastard was smirking. Deidara gave a warning glare at him, bringing his fingers up to his eyes and pointing them at him before also moving to the living room. Kisame had plopped himself down on the couch, making himself feel right at home. Settling into the seat across from him, Deidara decided it was best if he tried to explain the situation, seeing as he wouldn't be as blunt as Hidan-Man-of-Very-Few-Words, would be. “Okay, so look—"

“You didn’t _really_ kill anyone did you?” Kisame interrupted. Deidara shifted, letting out an awkward cough. Hidan finally walked into the room, joining Kisame on the couch.

“We didn’t kill anyone per se… it’s more like—“

“Kisame, I hit a bitch with my car and I’m not sure if she’s gonna die or what, but she sure as fuck assured me she wants to sue my ass before she passed out! I can’t go to jail! YOU KNOW I’M PRONE TO DROPPING THINGS!” Hidan cried dramatically. Kisame stared dumbstruck and Deidara glared.

“Hidan you idiot, there was a more delicate way to deliver the news of your fuckery, un!”

“It had to be like pulling the fucking band-aid off! There’s literally no way to put it nicely,” Hidan shot back, glaring. 

“But Hidan…” Kisame interrupted, his tone silencing the boys immediately. “...You're such a bottom.”

Deidara let out an abrupt bark of laughter while Hidan's jaw hung open in shock. "I can't believe I forgot that conversation. The whole group agreed, Hidan. Prison would actually be perfect for you!”

“What the fuck do you mean the WHOLE group agreed!”

Kisame nodded along. “It's true, we had a talk of hypotheticals and you with jail came up. Honestly it’d be like a nice little get away, except you come back with tattoos and an annihilated ass.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Doesn’t seem too bad.”

Hidan looked like he was about to throw up an organ. "If prison sounds so great why don't _you_ go for me!”

Kisame fixed him a deadpan look. “Are you kidding me? Have you seen me? I’m an absolute unit. Everyone would end up being _my_ bitch, thus ruining the whole food chain.”

"That's just you being a coward! And FUCK YOU! I'm a top! They'd be MY bitch if anything!” 

At the disbelieving squint Deidara and Kisame exchanged with each other, Hidan swore his masculinity drop by 5 points.

“OKAY, back on track! The girl, Hidan’s tomfoolery, my innocence, un.”

“Hey, you helped fucker so you’re my goddamn accomplice now!”

“Fuck that! You socked me! TWICE! I could just say my life was threatened if I didn’t comply! I’m a HOSTAGE.” Deidara shouted dramatically before calmly adding, “But hey, don’t forget to write from jail, un.”

"I'm not going to jail because I didn't kill anyone!"

"You still hit someone with your, _car_ , un."

Deidara and Hidan’s bickering was interrupted by Kisame’s booming laugh. They stared wide-eyed at their friend who begun wiping tears from the corner of his eyes as he continued laughing.

“Oh god!” Kisame managed through his laughter, “I know you two like pulling your pranks but you’re really committing to this one, huh!”

Hidan recovered first and growled in frustration. Lunging forward, he grabbed Kisame by his massive shoulders and gave a violent jerk. Kisame went straight faced and immediately punched Hidan in the stomach before the smaller man could blink.

Hidan promptly fell to the floor, unmoving.

“Sorry, my flight or fight response kicked in, I felt threatened,” Kisame apologized, no remorse present in his voice. He got up from the couch and took a long step over the victim of his assault. 

“Anyways, the girl is unconscious upstairs or at least I hope she is. She actually might be dead. We haven’t checked on her in a while…” Deidara muttered, completely ignoring the idiot on the ground. 

“Well let’s head upstairs and see this supposed victim,” Kisame drawled out sarcastically, chuckling under his breath still at the stupidity he found himself in before the sun was even up. Deidara nodded and started making his way up the stairs.

Hidan scrambled up to follow Deidara first, flicking their giant friend off at the same time. Kisame bee lined for the small man and shoved him into the railing to cut in front. Hidan sputtered a curse and ended up waddling up the rest of the steps with a vengeance and socking Kisame in the kidney when he came in range.

They came up to the first door on the right which was Deidara’s room. A squawk escaped the blonde before he ran up to his door to try to cover up the little notes posted in a haphazard display. 

“DON’T LOOK AT MY SHAME!” He cried, trying to cover every inch of the multiple post-its with his small body. It caused him to squirm on top of the door like a gremlin. Kisame squinted at him, feeling his soul try to escape his body from the disgusting view in front of him. 

“What the fuck.” He muttered as he trudged up and tossed Deidara away like the spider that crawled into his shower last night, both annihilated. Obviously.

“Oh yeah, I didn’t even noticed these considering I was preoccupied by the possible dead body and my heart palpitations,” Hidan said as he peered over Kisame’s broad shoulders to also read the notes. Deidara resigned himself to the fetal position as they began reading the notes out loud.

“‘ _Deidara, don't forget to take out the trash_ ’. ' _Take out your hair from the bathroom drain, imbecile_ ’. ‘ _If you leave rotten milk in the fridge again I'll cut your hair off and glue it to a puppet and make you kiss it_ ’. ‘ _Touch my magical girl DVD’s again and I'll break your Nico Nico Kneecaps_ ’. ‘ _Fail to heed my instructions and puppet Deidara is going to replace real Deidara reeeeal soon… bitch_ ’.”

Kisame finished reading aloud. Deidara groaned, trying to cover his embarrassment, before jumping up and ripping the notes off and chucking them at a door further down the hall. Kisame slowly turned with mock concern plastered on his face. A laugh escaping before he could cover it up. Deidara turned to him with a crazed look in his eyes.

“HAHA laugh it up asshole, but remember Kisame the only piece of magical girl merchandise you own is your knock-off craigslist sad sack of flour with Sakumi’s face on it but Sasori owns all collector edition special outfit figurines, un.” He hissed and all humor dropped from Kisame’s face, “AND we hold their mint condition boxes every marathon, fucker.”

“You cut me deep, you cut me real deep with that one Deidara.” Kisame dramatically whispered, clutching at his heart.

Hidan smacked his lips loudly catching both of the other two men’s attention before the weeb fest could continue.“WELL, at least he wrote ‘love Sasori’ at the bottom of each one. Shows how much he cares, you know?” 

The tension between the three broke after a groan was heard from behind the door.

“Oh yeah, that.” Deidara straightened, dusting off his shame before turning to the men. “On the off chance that the girl _doesn't_ wake up, we _might_ have to call Konan, un.”

Hidan’s face scrunched up into irritation. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a harsh breath through his nose. 

“Fuck that bitch.”

“What?” Both Deidara and Kisame questioned, equally shocked.

“Long story, I’ll tell you guys later. I got a bigger fucking problem to deal with now,” Hidan grumbled whipping out his phone. “ Serious question here though, what fucking park should we choose to bury her in?” He asked, shoving his phone in their faces. It was Google Maps of all the local parks in the area. “Nara park is nice. Got a river and shit... lot of trees… you know, park shit.”

“Oh I’m sure the girl that you hit is really gonna enjoy that, _park shit._ ” Deidara hissed. emphasizing the words with his fingers.

“Why the fuck not?” Hidan huffed, scrolling through the available pictures. “Oh, this is where I buried my dog last year. Hmm, good times. Miss you Kevin.” He suddenly made a cross on his chest before kissing his hand and pointing to the ceiling.

Kisame peered over the phone at him curiously. “You had a dog?”

“ _Exactly._ ” Hidan grinned, putting the park’s link in his favorites for possible future use.

“She not dead yet, idiot!” Deidara exclaimed before grabbing Hidan’s phone and tossing it down the stairs.

Hidan let out a high pitched noise before screeching, “ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?” 

“I DON’T WORK WELL UNDER PRESSURE!” Deidara yelled in return before slamming the door open and dragging Kisame inside.

The first thing Kisame noticed was the person sized lump under Deidara’s comforter on his bed. Kisame barely had time to process that these two idiots were in fact telling the truth before Hidan stomped over to the bed and gripped the edge of the blanket to flip back. Laying there was a young girl, unconscious, unconscious, un—

Kisame turned around and exited the room without a word. 

“Hey!”

“Kisame!”

Deidara and Hidan called after him but he continued hastily down the stairs and into the kitchen. He began rummaging through all the cabinets and then finally threw the fridge open. He slammed the rotten milk aside, causing it to burst from the shear force of the slap, before finally grabbing what he so desperately needed in these trying times. Alcohol. Three chugs of the burning liquid was enough to clear his mind. Kisame let out a loud gasp and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. The other two men ran into the kitchen, sliding slightly on the tile before stopping in front of their blue friend.

“Deidara I think your milk expired.” Kisame paused to let his brain process everything. “Who hit her again?”

Deidara immediately pointed to Hidan who at least had the decency to look guiltily away. Kisame nodded.

“It was almost the end of the month. I was wondering when your monthly fuck up was going to happen.” Kisame sighed. Hidan wisely said nothing.

“I wish puppet Deidara had replaced me already. Living on the streets would've been easier then this.” Deidara muttered. Kisame laughed nervously as he closed the fridge door to his chunky milk massacre. He swore he heard whispers coming from it.

“As tempting as that sounds, he’s an Akatsuki and us Akatsuki always look out for each other. Even if he _is_ a bottom….” Kisame looked between the two men before nodding. “Alright, Deidara clean your fucking fridge and don’t drink the milk. I think it’s sentient or some weird witchcraft is happening in there. Also Hidan, you disgust me, I play Frisbee golf at that park, Kevin deserved better. Now, let's clean this fucking mess.”


	3. The One Where Itachi Arrives With A Plan

7:24am

Deidara stood sleepily in front of his keurig coffee maker, mug in hand, his eyes slowly closing shut. Hidan sat at the table, a ball of self pity. He watched Kisame scribble things down on a notepad before the blue bastard finally looked up to speak. 

“So while I would like to believe you called me because of your undeniable faith in me to save lives, I know you really only called me because I’m the only person you know that is studying to get into med school and your insurance is _non-existent_.” Kisame clicked the pen shut, punctuating the end of his sentence. He looked up from the magical girl notepad Deidara had reluctantly let him borrow to write down his notes, and over to Hidan who pretended to blow up a balloon before popping his middle finger up at him. Kisame kicked his dainty ankles in retaliation. The curses that followed were ignored.

“Besides some bruising she looks okay.” Kisame began to explain. He rolled his shoulders to relieve some of the tension from sitting hunched over his notes before getting up and stretching completely. A satisfied grunt escaped once some of his joints popped loudly. “She’s still gonna be pissed as hell though. I _really_ doubt she’s not _not_ gonna remember getting hit.” He added, looking at Hidan as he groaned and buried his face in his arms. 

The taller man moved to stand by Deidara who had apparently managed to fall asleep standing up. Plucking the mug out of his limp hands, Kisame placed it into the machine before starting it up. The blonde must've felt Kisame's ungodly natural body heat radiating off him because even while unconscious, Deidara snuggled into his friend's side. “Uh, save room for Jesus.” Kisame grunted out, kicking Deidara in the back of his knees and watching the heavy sleeper crumble to the ground. He ignored that too.

“Well, what do we do now? I don’t want to hold a girl hostage! I’m not a fucking psychopath.” Hidan grumbled before dropping his head back into his folded arms. Kisame gave a thoughtful hum, watching the mug slowly fill with coffee while turning over some ideas on what their next move could be. Were there fucking sparkles in his caffeine? He threw open the machine and looked at the package. Magical girl flavored: Nanami Edition. Nanami? He blinked. _Disgusting._ Sakumi was clearly the more superior magical girl.

“Well…” Kisame began, slowly closing the lid so the coffee couold continue making it's sparkly, disgusting concoction. “We could always leave her here with Deidara and make a run for it. Move to another city or whatever. I know I said Akatsuki looks out for each other but if we all took a poll we could probably vote Deidara out.” He spared a glance at the crumpled form on the floor. “I’m sure we could even convince Sasori to get on board.”

“Impossible. They have some weird love hate thing going on. Sasori would have it out for you if he discovered anyone but him was personally causing misery in Deidara’s life.” Hidan warned and Kisame gave a grunt in reply. “I mean seriously, what the hell? She’ll wake up and then what? Still sue the fuck out of me that’s what! I’m fucked no matter what.”

“Maybe she’ll be grateful that we didn’t take her to the hospital and treated her ourselves?" Kisame offered, shrugging. “Maybe she’s a fucking idiot and we can milk this like she threw herself in front of your car?”

Hidan didn't bother responding and the silence that settled over them was only broken when the Kuerig sputtered it's completion. With the situation looking bleak, Hidan slowly began to accept the fact that the universe had finally fucked him over good. Kisame returned to his seat and just when his obnoxiously noisy slurps started to lull him to sleep, the big man decided to talk.

“So what happened between you and Konan?”

The question instantly put Hidan into alert mode. The anger he felt earlier returned and was reminded of the night's events, pre-hitting some random with his car. He straightened up before vehemently spitting out, “Fuck her.”

Kisame turned the mug around in his hands, watching the kitchen lights reflect on the black liquid, “Yeah, you said that earlier. Which is why I’m asking what happened now.”

“Stupid shit happened. I was _betrayed,_ Kisame. She could’ve stabbed me with a literal fucking butter knife and it would’ve been better then this shit.” Hidan growled out running his hand through his hair a few times before crossing his arms and then uncrossing them. Kisame watched him fidget in his anger but refrained from probing further. Hidan never could really keep a lid on his emotions, Kisame gave it an hour tops before he spilled everything.

Hidan’s features took on a sort of pained look and Kisame almost felt concerned for him. Expressions like that didn’t cross his face often. Before he could say they could drop and it talk about it another time, Hidan finally spoke.

“She cheated.” He crossed his arms again, his shoulders were tense. “She cheated on me and that’s that.”

Kisame was a bit taken aback at the idea of Konan cheating. He'd known Hidan since highschool, but he knew Konan longer. Most of their group met in middle school and she had always been caring and considerate of her friend's feelings. It seemed almost absurd that Konan would do something like this, _especially_ with her significant other... but there was always... **.**

“Was it with who I think it was?” Kisame asked cautiously and Hidan gave a jerky nod. 

“I know we were only dating for a few months but fuck, she could have just broke up with me before going to that fucker’s house.”

Clearly seeing the hurt on his friend's face, Kisame decided not to respond with something pointless like, ‘it’ll be okay'. After highschool, Konan didn't hang out with them as often as before, until she started dating Hidan, but it was safe to assume this could possibly change all of their friendship dynamic with her. And now that Hidan confirmed who she cheated on hi with... well. He reached for the bottle of booze that sat in the middle of the table from after taking his earlier - much needed - shots and placed it in front of Hidan.

“Well… we could find the guy…” Kisame began, bringing his coffee mug up to his lips. “Nara park is pretty empty at night. Lots of… trees and shit… for coverage.”

Hidan snorted, reaching for the bottle. “Looks like you’ll definitely have to find a new park to Frisbee golf at.”

* * *

5:47 pm

The sun’s evening rays shone through the living room window, casting everything in a warm yellow tint. Hidan laid sprawled across the couch asleep while Deidara laid on the floor next to him surrounded by the ungodly number of throw pillows him and Sasori owned. Kisame stood at the base of the stairs looking at both of them. Neither had been able to get more than 30 minutes of shut eye since the previous night before the fiasco that is the girl asleep in Deidara’s room began. Kisame, being the only one who had actually been asleep like a normal human being before they called him, had been tasked to check up on the girl every hour to see if anything had changed.

Nothing had changed.

Kisame opted against moving her or shaking her awake lest he cause more damage to the poor girl. Deidara had remembered to tell him about how Hidan placed the girl in his trunk before driving wildly here once he woke from his power nap. Hidan sheepishly apologized for forgetting and blamed it on being traumatized by everything else that had happened in the past 5 hours. Kisame informed them that despite no external injuries, she could possibly have a minor concussion. Hidan immediately went into hysterics which was quickly followed by praying. Kisame decided not to tell him that a minor concussion was not a coma, as punishment for waking him at 5 o’clock in the goddamn morning.

The doorbell rang.

Check the time on his watch, Kisame squinted back at the direction of the front door. Sasori was out of town so it couldn't be him.

The doorbell rung again, prompting Kisame to scurry over to Deidara and gently nudge his face with his socked foot.

“Deidara, hey, wake up! Someone’s at your door!” He hissed, nudging a little harder.

Deidara blearily opened his eyes looking properly confused. "Huh--wuh? Kisame?”

The doorbell chimed for the third time and Kisame jabbed his big toe into Deidara’s eye. The blonde howled in pain but Kisame ignored it. “Someone’s here! Get up and answer! If it’s the cops I’m hopping out the kitchen window.”

Hidan instantly sat up, alert. “Did someone say cops?”

Muttering curses to Kisame’s future bloodline, Deidara scrambled to his feet and quickly made his way to his front door. He blinked his injured eye opened and tried fixing his bed head before possibly presenting himself to the _law._

The door opened only to reveal Itachi dressed in his police uniform and wearing his signature aviators. His head moved slightly down, which Deidara assumed could only mean Officer Uchiha had so graciously acknowledged him. Deidara stared, annoyed. This was so much more worse than the law.

"Uh, hey," Deidara began. "Not to be rude, but why are you--oof!" Itachi quickly placed his hand on Deidara’s face and pushed him to the floor and let himself in. He passed the living room, not greeting Hidan - who jumped up at the sight of him - nor Kisame - who had one leg out the living room window - and headed straight up the stairs. They all remained still as they heard the unmistakable sound of Itachi opening a door.

Deidara walked back into the room rubbing his face before noticing Hidan making wild arm gestures in the direction of the upstairs room. The blonde shrugged in response and made his way over to the window to help a struggling Kisame make his way back inside.

The clicking of the door shutting upstairs caused Hidan to cease his actions and turn his attention from the comical view of Kisame tripping over the window sill, to Itachi who made his way casually down the stairs and into the living room. 

With his sunglasses still in place, he turned his head to Deidara. "Tea."

"Fuck off, un." Deidara grumbled before reluctantly sulking off to make some tea anyways. Itachi turned his attention to the other two men in the room. Hidan gulped and Kisame managed to not look like someone who just got stuck in a window.

“Early this morning I received a text and picture from Kisame.” Itachi held up his phone for them to see. It was Kisame taking a selfie with the peace sign up and the unconscious girl clear in the background. The text underneath read: Guess which one of us got hit by a car? Hidan whipped his head in the direction of the culprit. 

Kisame shrugged nonchalantly. “I was bored. You're lucky I didn't post it on Instagram”

Itachi ignored them. "I received a call from my younger brother, asking me to file a missing persons report. Apparently his foolish friend believes their female friend never made it home last night and therefore had been kidnapped.” Despite the sunglasses, Hidan knew Itachi was glaring at him. He began to twiddle his thumbs nervously and whistled. “The picture my younger brother sent me of their friend looked suspiciously like the girl upstairs and so that's why I am here.”

Hidan began sweating, realizing he'd awaken the wrath of the Uchiha and understood he was now in his debt. The bastard had done him a favor and even though he was thankful he showed up here to warn them, he wasn't about to voice it out loud. Deidara’s entrance into the room cut the tension. He place the tray holding the cups and tea kettle on his coffee table before plopping back on the sofa beside the nervous looking Hidan.

“So what'd I miss, un?” 

“Someone's looking for the girl.” Kisame informed in a sigh. He sat down on the floor next to the coffee table and poured himself some tea.

Itachi said nothing and instead stared in what Deidara assumed was his general direction.

“What?”

“You didn't pour me my tea. You're a terrible host.”

The blonde bristled. “I'm hosting this against my _will,_ un!” 

Itachi reached into his pocket and pulled out a card, “This is the girl’s ID. I can only assume why three adults did not think of possibly searching for a form of identification, but I realized that stupidity is a disease and Hidan is the source.”

Kisame tiredly poured a generous amount of alcohol into his tea. He chugged it and shed a single tear.

“The girl,” Itachi continued, placing the ID on the coffee table between them, “is apparently your neighbor.”

Hidan choked on his spit before turning an accusing glare towards Deidara. “You didn’t recognize her! She’s your fucking NEIGHBOR?”

“I swear I’ve never seen her in my life! Interactions between humans takes up too much of my time and I am a _very_ busy person!”

“Yeah, busy having no life.” Kisame mumbled into his refilled teacup. Itachi discreetly nodded in agreement.

“She might be a new neighbor. I stand by my long lasting theory that Sasori is a serial killer that sells his victim’s organs on the black market and that's how he’s able to afford all his magical girl merchandise. Neighbors are an easy target.” Hidan explained, nodding sagely. Kisame sighed, reaching for the bottle again.

Deidara scoffed and called him an idiot but nervously thought it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility. (Their neighbors change frequently and while Deidara is clueless, Sasori is harassing anyone who moves in next to them by placing one of his life-size puppets in front of a window facing his neighbor’s window and slowly--day by day--starts making the puppet look like the person. They get so unsettled they move and Sasori revels in the peace and quiet of no neighbor until the next one moves in. Sakura has only been there for 6 months now and has been so busy being pre-med she doesn't ever look out the window to see the puppet look alike. Suffice to say, Sasori is annoyed.)

Itachi gently cleared his throat to gather their attention again. “To avoid criminal charges, seeing as you’re,” looks at Hidan. “the culprit and you two,” tilts head in Deidara and Kisame’s direction. “are accomplices, we should sneak her back into her home. Once inside we text my brother from her phone and have him come over to check on her. Therefore, the girl will then cease to be your problem.”

“So you’re trying to make it seem like she got home by herself.” Kisame summarized. 

“Yeah, so when he goes over and sees her comatose state everything will just be dandy, uh-huh, sure.” Deidara scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Itachi ignored him and continued. “I’m assuming that Sakura never got a good look at Hidan’s car before being hit. Along with his car having no distinguishable features, she would otherwise never be able to find him.”

Hidan bit his knuckles to stop himself from crying before throwing himself onto Itachi in a messy semblance of a hug. “I knew you were good for something asshole, I love your brain!”

In a matter of 0.08 seconds, Itachi twisted Hidan’s arm and pinned him to the floor face first. He looked up to Kisame. “We should enter through the back door to avoid suspicion.”

The taller man eagerly nodded before smashing his teacup against the table, “Hot damn Itachi, if I don’t have the hardest heart boner for you right now!”

Deidara stared longingly at the shattered porcelain of what used to be his favorite completed tea set before pinching the bridge of his nose. Itachi sighed, but was otherwise unfazed by the chaos around him. Hidan passed out underneath him.


	4. The One Where the Gang Breaks Into Sakura's House

“We should put sunglasses on her face.”

“It’s 7pm.”

“Okay and? The moon is a bright bitch, fuck.”

“Oh my god, please just end my suffering, un.”

“If you die, we’ll have to bury you in this girl’s backyard. Nara park is getting crowded if you know what I mean.”

Silence.

“ _Anyways_.”

“One of us should go first to see which key opens the door.”

“I will, I’m basically a ninja.”

“You’re literally 6’3 Kisame. _Desist_.”

“Make Hidan, he’s the one that caused this in the first place, un.”

“I can’t deny that, but fuck you anyways.”

* * *

The four men were able to enter the girl’s home quite easily. They shuffled through the kitchen and into the living room which was neat and organized except for a few textbooks stacked beside her couch. Deidara noticed from afar that a majority of them were medical books and when they passed a calendar marked messily with multiple assignment dates, he felt a twinge of guilt. Clearly she was just a college student trying to get by. Deidara made a mental note to maybe send her an anonymous edible arrangement, the expensive one with the pineapple flowers.

They made their way up the stairs, as silently as four men and an unconscious girl could, and tried the first door they came to. Itachi slowly turned the knob, peeking inside. He scanned the room for anything that might give him a hint at whose it might be. Pressed up against the wall next to a bed Itachi spotted a mini bookshelf full of more medical texts.

“I believe this is her room.” He whispered back to the other three. “Place her on the bed, I’ll check the other room just in case.”

Itachi noiselessly made his way down the hall while the other men entered the room.

“Okay, just put her on the bed. How do drunk people usually look when passed out? I’m trying to replicate that, make it authentic.”

“There’s literally _no_ time, Kisame.”

Kisame proceeded to then drop the girl onto the mattress from his arms.

“We literally _just_ talked about how ungodly tall you are and you just drop her from the equivalent of like 5 stories, un.”

“She landed on the mattress at least.” Kisame shrugged. “Better than getting hit by a _car."_

Hidan stopped rummaging through the girl’s drawers to glare. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He turned to exit the room, brushing past Itachi who was just now returning. 

“Looks like she lives alone.” Removing the girl’s phone from his back pocket, Itachi made his way over to the bed and picked up her charger. Deidara began to inspect papers on the girl’s desk which was against the wall opposite of her bed while Kisame picked stray lint off his shirt.

After a few minutes of standing around waiting for the girl’s phone to charge, Hidan reentered the room. With a sandwich. They all stared. 

“What?” Hidan asked defensively. “I was hungry and she has the fancy bread. Look! Five grain. Ima shit good tonight.”

Deidara pressed his hands against his face and sighed. “Good lord.”

Sakura’s phone blinked to life, illuminating the room in a crisp white light. Kisame stepped closer to get a look over Itachi’s shoulder as he swiped up, unlocking the phone.

“Wow, no passcode.” He commented, surprised.

“Hm, too trusting of the world.” Hidan said, mouth full of bread.

Itachi responded to neither of them as he scrolled through her contacts, ignoring the constant vibrations signaling all her missed texts now just coming in. He took note that a lot of them were from Naruto, who he recognized, and one from Sasuke.

 _“Sakura, I’m on my way, be there in ten_.” Itachi read aloud after clicking the banner and being taken to their messages.

“Who said that?” Hidan asked, trying to read over Itachi’s other shoulder.

“Who cares! We should be more worried about _when_ it was sent, un!” Deidara stressed.

“Six-thirty, from my brother.” Itachi sighed before placing the girl’s phone on the mattress next to her head.

“Wow, it’s five past seven already. Maybe he came but since no one answered he just left?” Kisame shrugged, looking at Itachi to confirm that his brother was just a tardy type of guy.

Itachi shook his head. “Unlikely.”

As if on queue, the sound of locks unlocking and the creak of a door opening traveled up from downstairs.

All 3 men froze while Itachi made his way over to the girl’s window. “Clearly my brother doesn’t care about being punctual to possible missing friends and I’ll have to file that away for later. Right now though, our only means of escaping undetected is through Sakura’s window.”

“Itachi, did you not see me get stuck in Deidara’s window earlier?”

Hidan placed a hand on Kisame’s shoulder. “It was nice knowing ya bud.”

“We’re literally on the second story, let Kisame go first so his big body can cushion our fall, un.”

“More like absolute unit of a body, he’s harder than the fucking ground! We’d all have concussions then!” Hidan hissed, breadcrumbs flying wildly from his mouth.

Kisame gripped Hidan’s shoulder. “I agree, your soft corpse will have to do then.”

“Sakura?” Sasuke’s muffled voice could be heard from downstairs as he made his way through the house. Itachi silently opened the window and, like a graceful cat, slide noiselessly outside, not sparing the others a backwards glance. Deidara looked away from Kisame bending Hidan’s wrist at an odd angel whilst asking if he was ready to die and made his way out the window as well.

Footsteps could be heard ascending the stairs now, but Kisame made no move towards the window and Hidan was at the whim of the taller man.

“You idiots hurry up!” Deidara hissed from outside. Itachi has already begun making his way to the blonde’s apartment, hopping the fence that separated their backyards like this was a normal nightly routine for him. Bastard.

“Kisame you big idiot! We’re gonna get caught and then all of this will have been for nothing!” Hidan whispered, almost crying. Kisame looked down at the withering man and released his wrist.

“Pathetic.”

Making his way quickly over to the window, Kisame managed to squeeze half of his body out before looking down. “So, uh, I think I’m now just realizing I’m afraid of heights.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Hidan gritted out, holding his injured wrist. He squared his shoulders and ran directly into Kisame’s back, both of the toppling out of the window just moments before the door to the girl’s room opened.

* * *

Sasuke opened the door to find Sakura lying in bed asleep. The dobe really had him come over here for no reason. A draft made its way into the room and Sasuke noticed her window was wide open. He found it a little odd that Sakura would sleep with it open since it had no screen, but didn’t dwell on the thought and made his way around her bed to shut it.

“What the fuck.” Directly across from Sakura’s window was her neighbor’s window. Standing there was what Sasuke could only describe as a _mannequin_ _looking exactly like Sakura_ , staring back at him. Unnerved, Sasuke looked back to Sakura and wondered if she knew this _thing_ was there. Not wanting to look too long into the abyss that was Other Sakura’s eyes, Sasuke moved to close her blinds. Only they were gone.

“Huh?” He mumbled to himself, looking up and seeing only one shutter hanging loosely from it’s string. “What the hell happened here?”

* * *

7:15pm

_Sakura is fine sleeping at home dobe_

* * *

It was nearing 8 at night and despite it still being relatively early, all three men sat in a circle, emotionally exhausted by the evening’s events. Between them, an item laid broken.

“What do we do with this, un?”

“We couldn’t just leave it there! It would’ve gave away someone breaking into her fucking place!”

“So you brought it _here?_ This—this is _evidence!”_

“Blame Kisame! I’m surprised he didn’t take the whole damn window frame with him!”

Kisame had his hands pressed flat together, the tips of his fingers covering his mouth. The other two men looked to him, expecting the usual rebuttal towards Hidan, but the man’s face was scrunched up in deep thought.

Itachi had left immediately after returning, entering through the back door and walking straight out the front. Kisame received a text from him shortly after saying he’d return the next day to make sure everything was still going according to plan. That’s when the adrenaline wore off and Kisame realized something was hanging on his back. Hidan, pale faced, tugged it free from his clothes and held it up for all of them to see.

The fucking shutter blinds from the girl’s room.

“We can’t just throw it away, what if someone finds it? What if the girl sees it and realizes it’s hers and comes knocking on your door!”

“Then she’d be suspicious of _me_ not _you,_ idiot! Why would she be going through my garbage anyways?”

They both turned to Kisame, again, waiting for his input. The larger man hadn’t moved a single facial muscle. Deidara leaned over to whisper to Hidan.

“Tap him. Maybe he tried to find his inner zen but you triggered his chakras so thoroughly that you killed him with stress, un. Kisame’s a big guy, but he’s kinda delicate.”

Hidan glared at the blonde. “I just escaped the clutches of one lawsuit, do you think I wanna jump into _another?_ And Kisame is _not_ dead, he’s just being a fucking bitc—“

Kisame’s faraway gaze snapped to Hidan causing him to shut up. Deidara slowly scooted away from what he assumed was a situation that would only lead to carnage.

“That shit scratched me,” Kisame finally spoke, moving his gaze to the blinds. “So my perfect DNA is on there along with your fingerprints. This is probably extra as hell but I say we wrap it in a blanket and bury it outside.”

Deidara blanched at the suggestion. His backyard was not about to be dug up for a situation he had no part in causing. “No way! You touch that manicured lawn and you’ll face the wrath of Sasori. We should send it home with Hidan, a reminder of what a great time this was, un.”

“I liked the burying idea better.” Hidan huffed.

Kisame looked between the two and then reached for the blinds. “Hidan’s an idiot Deidara, you know this and yet you _still_ trust him to carry out a task like disposing of evidence _himself_.” He let out a humorless chuckle. “Oh you sweet sweet fool.”

“I’m sitting right here you fucks.”

“Anyways, I’ll take the wrath of Sasori. I know your weird dom sub culture thing doesn’t let you stand up to your master or whatever.” Kisame trailed off, making his way to the bathroom with the blinds in hand.

Deidara’s eyes widen and his mouth hung open at Kisame’s outrageous remark. He sprung up, following him to the bathroom and sputtering all types of denials.

Once left sitting alone, Hidan finally felt the exhaustion settle deep into his bones. Despite having slept most of the day he felt absolutely drained like he hadn't rested at all, which truthfully wasn’t surprising given the recent increase in his blood pressure. He laid back on the floor with his arms behind his head, the yelling in the bathroom becoming background noise as he closed his eyes.

An image of the girl floated around in his mind. Despite being tossed around, she looked peaceful, totally unaware of the events going on around her. Through his panicked state, Hidan didn’t really get a good look at her face, but he recalled she was pretty enough. Her short pink hair although tousled, was cute and her features were soft.

Hidan’s eyes snapped opened.

“Oh my god.” He quietly said to himself, sitting up and whipping out his phone. “Oh my god, oh my fucking god—Kisame, send me that pic you have of the girl!”

“Why?” Came Kisame’s muffled reply.

“Just fucking do it!”

A grin spread across Hidan’s face. He just had a fucking epiphany.

* * *

Sakura woke up with a pounding headache and a dry mouth. She blinked the heaviness from her eyes, a yawn escaping her followed by a shiver. She noticed she was laying above her blankets. Shrugging it off, she guessed she must’ve just came home and immediately knocked out.

Her phone lit up the dark room, causing her eyes to squint. She reached over and turned the brightness down before scrolling through her notifications. She had so many missed messages from Naruto.

Reading through his concerned texts, Sakura rolled out of bed and headed towards her bathroom to get some aspirin for her head.

_Where are you?_

_Did you make it home safe?_

_Why aren’t you answering??_

_My messages aren’t saying delivered anymore, wya?_

Sakura kept scrolling, seeing a message from Sasuke just asking if she was okay and that he was going to come visit her. Sakura checked the time to see that was over 4 hours ago. Without a second message confirming or denying that he showed up, she wondered if he did end up swinging by.

Deciding to just ask him herself, Sakura began typing out a text to Sasuke. Without paying much attention, she stepped in front of her sink, reaching for the mirrored door of her medicine cabinet with her other hand before looking up. Face to face with her reflection, Sakura recoiled at her haggard state. Her makeup smeared, her hair an absolute mess, her clothes were dirty. She placed her phone down and ran a hand over her hair in bewilderment.

What the hell happened last night?

Her phone vibrated. Thinking it must be Sasuke, Sakura tore her gaze away from the mirror and looked at the name displayed on her home screen.

_Nagato._

Suddenly the whole night came back in a rush. Why she went out in the first place. Her boyfriend of 2 years broke up with her after Sakura had confronted him about cheating on her with his ‘best friend’.

Adrenaline surged through her body just as it had the moment she decided to confront him. Her headache forgotten, she swiped open the message to see why the hell he was still contacting her.

_What the hell is this? You’re dating Hidan?? How’re you going to call me a cheater when you’re no better yourself! I’m glad we broke up. Clearly you were too immature for a serious relationship._

To say that Sakura was fuming would be an understatement. She was absolutely seething. Already piecing together what she wanted to retort with, Sakura began typing away until it dawned on her.

Who the hell was Hidan?

Sakura scrolled up above the message to the attachment she overlooked and recognized it as a screenshot of someone’s Instagram account. A man with slicked back silver hair stood in the forefront of the picture. A few strands of hair were out of place but not in an unattractive way. His eyes were a shocking shade of magenta, paired with a chiseled jawline and a dashing smirk. Sakura found herself checking out the guy before noticing the background. She squinted. Laying in the background was… _her?_

Zooming in on the picture, Sakura couldn’t believe what she was seeing. That was undoubtedly her but she couldn’t recognize the furniture at all. Where the hell was she and who the hell was this guy? She read the caption:

_My boo is so cute when she’s sleeping. I’m a lucky guy :)_

What the _fuck_.

This guy’s face was itching something in Sakura’s mind. She couldn’t place her finger on it and it was annoying her.

“Where do I know you from.” She wondered aloud, tilting her head.

A piece of a memory popped up.

_“-wake up, don’t be dead please…”_

_“I hope… you have… a lawyer.”_

The realization slamming into her like a truck. _“_ THIS IS THE FUCKER THAT RAN ME OVER!”


	5. The One Where Hidan Is Blackmailed

12AM

As a med student, Sakura may have jokingly said once or twice to her friends that she was in a perpetual state of stress. They would laugh along side her but secretly, she really was stressed 24 hours, 7 days of the week. So stress and Sakura, she would like to think, were quite acquainted with one another. She knew low stress, extreme stress, casual stress and so on.

But today... well, today she reached a whole new otherworldly level of it.

She stood in front of her window after realizing the lack of blinds shielding her from the moon’s glow, phone still opened on this silver haired man, staring directly across the space into her neighbor’s window.

“What the fuck is that."

Obviously it was her, but to acknowledge that would also mean she'd have to acknowledge her neighbor was a psychopath.

Eventually the sounds of grunting moved her attention to the 2 men digging a hole in her neighbor’s backyard. It clearly wasn’t the size of a grave, but it was a deep hole nonetheless, and with mannequin Sakura’s lifeless stare seared into her brain, Sakura had more than half a mind to call the cops on them until another man’s voice could be heard complaining loudly. The back of a silver haired man came into view and Sakura took in a sharp gasp. She recognized that hair, she had all but stared at it 2 minutes ago on her screen.

_Hidan._

“Stop looking so fucking worried Deidara, Sasori probably won’t even notice.” His voice traveled up to her ears. She observed one of the men with blonde hair, Deidara apparently, stop digging to glare at the man before talking in a voice too low for her to hear.

Sakura looked at her phone again, committing every detail of Hidan’s face to memory. The silver haired man below had yet to turn in her direction to show his face but Sakura was sure this was him. Something in her gut was telling her she wasn’t crazy to assume this. So, while not completely sure why they were digging a hole in their backyard, Sakura felt like she should get picture evidence of the act. Just in case.

Quickly opening the camera app on her phone, Sakura kneeled below the window sill and looked outside through her camera. Making sure to get a good angle, she steadied her hand and took the picture.

Only for the flash to go off.

“Shit!” she cursed, rushing to bring her hand to cover the flash but it was too late, she could hear the man’s voice already exclaim _what the fuck was that._

“Shit, shit, shit.” Sakura crawled away from her window as if distancing herself would help. She silently waited, straining to hear any sounds. Eventually the echo of a door closing rang through the silence. Taking a cautious peek over the window sill, she noticed the hole completely filled back up and the men missing.

“Great, they’re gone.” Sakura grumbled, reaching for her phone she had left on the floor and opening her camera back up. She was at least going to get a video of mannequin Sakura. Turning her back to the window and using the front camera, Sakura hit record.

“My name is Sakura Haruno, I am 22 years old and tonight I discovered my neighbor’s dark, disgusting, stalkerish, kink. Behind me stands a disturbingly accurate replica of me. How long it’s been there, I’m uncertain, but I fear for my safety. Look at how real she looks, Jesus Christ.” Sakura ended the video a little more creeped out than she was before starting.

“Anyways, I hope the other picture came out decent enough.” She flicked opened her photos, turning her brightness up all the way. The photo she tried taking of the men came out slightly blurry, with half her hand coming into the picture, causing the lighting to be off but Sakura grinned nonetheless.

The man had turned his head and she had managed to get his profile in the picture. It was Hidan.

* * *

“You know as well as I do that flash came from the girl’s room, un!”

“We’re not even sure there _was_ a flash. Hidan’s an idiot who is always saying he sees something out of the corner of his eye. You’re just being paranoid now to believe him.”

“I was _literally_ turning in that direction, asshole! I’m not making it up, fuck!”

“I saw it out the corner of _my_ eye, Kisame. If we both saw it then I’m ninety-nine percent sure it happened!”

“And that one percent of unsureness is me remembering you both have terrible night vision and need glasses.”

“I’m losing my fucking mind, oh my fuck.”

“Exactly! And you want me to believe you saw something like a flash come from an unconscious girl’s room? You probably saw a street light flicker on or something.”

Hidan and Deidara groaned at Kisame’s rock solid denial of the girl possibly waking up and taking a picture of them.

Hidan knew what he saw. He recalled the feeling of being watched after he walked outside and began to turn to look at the girl’s window only to see a flash go off. Dread filled his stomach like lead.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Shut _up_ Hidan and help dig.” Kisame hissed, throwing more dirt out the hole.

“Wait no, I saw something too.” Deidara whispered. “Like a flash right?”

“Yeah! It came from the girl’s window right? Fuck.” Hidan swore, rushing over to the other two men and grabbing the extra shovel, speeding up the process.

They shoveled silently for another 20 seconds before carelessly dumping the blanket wrapped blinds into the hole and pushing the dirt back over it. Hidan then spun a half circle and with the momentum, tossed the shovel into the flower bed, effectively hiding it before turning to the other men.

“Meeting in the living room _now._ "

So once again they found themselves sitting in a circle wondering what the fuck to do. Hidan nervously tapped his fingers against his knee. It would just be his luck that this shit wouldn’t be over even after returning the girl back home. Life’s RNG was never that kind to him and he should’ve expected something like this and to make this matter slightly worse, he didn’t tell Deidara or Kisame about the stunt he pulled online with Instagram.

After Kisame sent the photo of himself with the girl, Hidan decided that photoshopping himself _over_ Kisame and posting it was an ingenious idea. He was hoping it would piss Konan off enough that she would message him whenever she saw it. It was still the middle of the night, so he didn’t expect a response until the morning. Konan had always been an early riser, that had been one of the many things he liked about her. She did little thoughtful things like make his coffee before she left for work since he woke up with barely enough time to get ready for his own job. She also did things like cheat on him with her best friend that Hidan always felt uneasy about, but she always reassured that they only had a sibling bond. The anxiety over the situation with Sakura was replaced by a fresh wave of hurt and anger.

Fuck her.

“Look,” Deidara began, dragging Hidan out of his thoughts. “Let’s just wait for Itachi to get here tomorrow.”

“It’s already tomorrow.” Kisame drawled.

“Whatever, un. I don’t consider it tomorrow until I’ve fallen asleep and woke up, dick.” Deidara glared, swiftly dodging a halfhearted kick from Kisame.

With Konan swirling around in his mind now, Hidan tiredly rubbed his eyes. “Fine, whatever, let that fucker sort whatever else comes up. I’m tired.” Getting up from the floor, he made his way for the stairs.

“Where’re you going?” Deidara asked, confused.

“I’m knocking out in your bed, I’m not gonna be a peasant and sleep on the fucking _couch_ again.” Hidan answered without sparing the blonde a look.

“That sounds like a good idea.” Kisame mused, also getting up and making his way to the stairs.

“We can’t all fit on my bed! I only have a full!”

“Damn, tough shit. Guess someone is sleeping on the ground.”

Kisame and Deidara exchanged looks before the taller man shoved Deidara down the steps and jumped up the remaining few, shoving Hidan back. Hidan squawked in protest before chasing after him.

“Don’t act like you don’t like being the little spoon Hidan!” Kisame called back.

After a long struggle, all 3 men ended up on the bed with Kisame being the cherry in between Hidan and Deidara.

* * *

7AM

Sunlight shone into the room. With no blinds to block the morning rays, Sakura rolled over so her back was facing the window. Her phone was clutched to her chest. She no longer needed to look at either pictures to recall Hidan’s face.

She had tossed and turned all night, her thoughts racing at every scenario that could’ve happened, that might happen now, and which sounded more appealing to her.

The most logical side of her reasoned she should just file a police report. But how could she prove the hit and run if there were no witnesses? So she thought maybe she could charge him with breaking and entering and show them the picture, but she wouldn’t even be able to answer where the location in the picture was. Another part of her thought, well, who cares? Just say your piece to the police and let them handle the rest.

And then there was another part of her that wanted to somehow take advantage of the odd opportunity in front of her.

Nagato had texted her again when she failed to respond the first time.

 _Answer me. How long have you been with Hidan_?

Sakura stared at the screen for a long while after that, letting the wheels in her mind turn and turn.

Seeing Nagato this upset over her possibly dating this person he obviously knew stirred something in her. Was it excitement over him being jealous? Upset? Hurt? The opportunity to somehow hurt him the way he hurt her sounded enticing, but also very immature and petty.

Sakura turned back over to look out her window and into mannequin Sakura’s lifeless eyes. She stared for a bit before her lips quirked into a wry smile.

“Dumb, huh. That it took me that long to see that he made me feel like how you look.” She quietly admitted aloud.

Dating Nagato had been amazing the first year together. They got along well and had many ideals and aspirations in common. They had met through Naruto when she went to spend New Years at his parent’s house and he was introducing her to all his cousins.

In his black button up shirt and slacks, he shook her hand with a slight smirk on his face, making her blush. Karin, Naruto’s other cousin, who Sakura knew already, drunkenly encouraged Sakura throughout the night to make a move after seeing Nagato continuously check her out. With a multitude of shots turning into her liquid courage, Sakura decided she wholeheartedly agreed with her friend and waited for the countdown to begin, making sure she was next to Nagato as it happened. As the clock hit midnight and the cheers erupted around them for the new year, Sakura turned to Nagato with a smile, wishing him a happy new year. Nagato smiled back before leaning down to give her a chaste kiss, whispering against her lips, _happy new year Sakura._

Sakura held on to those butterflies that came from that kiss and many more moments in between, even when they started arguing. First over small things, then into bigger things. She spent too much time cooped up studying. She didn’t make a big enough effort to meet his friends. Her feeling uneasy about him spending late nights over at Konan’s, his ‘best friend’. Her spending too much time with Sasuke.

Slowly she tried changing herself for him, to make him happy so that they might reach a place where she’d be able to feel those same butterflies from their first kiss. She tried sacrificing time studying to be with him, she tried cutting down time she interacted with Sasuke. Looking back she was grateful Sasuke was too stubborn to be pushed out of her life.

All of that changed though when Nagato had left his phone unlocked on her couch after getting up to go to the restroom. Something screamed at her to look. _You already know what’s there._

Sure enough, after scrolling through messages, Nagato had been cheating on her with Konan. The same woman who he assured her time after time that nothing was ever going on romantically between them. She locked the phone and placed it back in the same spot before he returned.

A miserable week passed before Sakura shook herself out of her stupor and declared enough was _enough._ It was late into the night, but she called him anyways and asked if she could come over and talk. He agreed, saying he needed to talk to her as well.

After going over and confronting him about everything, he stayed quiet which made Sakura absolutely livid.

“So you have nothing to say?”

“What can I say, Sakura?” He had sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I loved her since we were kids, so to let this opportunity for us to be together go? I can’t Sakura, I can’t be with you anymore.”

Sakura sat there dumbstruck. He was really turning this so he could break up with _her?_

Sakura had yelled at him and he sat there and took it all, but remained impassive the entire time which enraged her even further. She cursed the day she met him along with some colorful other phases and stomped out his apartment, slamming the door hard enough it rattled his front windows.

Only when she was well down his block did the tears finally come and she sat down on the curb to cry. Tears shed from the hurt and sadness, but most of all from frustration. The audacity Nagato had to not even _apologize._ Eventually she wiped her face, deciding now she wouldn’t cry over him again. Picking herself up physically and mentally, she began walking in the direction she lived in. After replaying the situation back in her head the only regret she had was not decking him in the face.

That was when her memory stopped and Sakura rolled her eyes knowing it was safe to assume that was when Hidan had most likely hit her with his car.

She rolled over again.

Did she think Hidan was an idiot? Most definitely. After all, who would pose with a girl he had just ran over?

The caption caught her attention though. Clearly he wanted someone to see that he was in a relationship. Maybe he couldn’t get a girlfriend and was endlessly teased for it? Sakura shook her head. Unlikely. Even she could admit he was very, _very_ handsome. Getting a girl shouldn’t be a problem for him. So maybe he was getting back at someone? Maybe he was her actual stalker who made that fucking mannequin outside her window as a declaration of his love. She shuddered, hoping that was the least probable.

She rolled onto her back.

But this was also an opportunity for her to possibly take advantage of him. If he was hopelessly in love with her then maybe he actually would go along with her plan. She knew she shouldn’t do what she was thinking, but fuck it, after getting hit with a car and being cheated on, Sakura was a woman on a mission. She unlocked her phone and opened her messages.

_It’s none of your business how long I’ve been seeing Hidan._

* * *

9AM

Sakura stood in front of her neighbor’s door resolute. Besides her one fear of maybe mannequin Sakura answering the door, she had no fear. Even if the other men she saw last night answered, she would just politely ask for Hidan and if they refused she would have to RKO them into submission. She was actually going through with her idea. She already texted Nagato, who had yet to reply, so it was too late now to turn back. She straightened her back, steeled her nerves, and rang the doorbell.

Nothing.

Starting to feel a little embarrassed, Sakura rang it twice again and finally heard a dull thump somewhere inside. She took a step back and waited with her chin held high. This _was_ the guy who hit her with his car after all. Any form of intimidation to help her cause needed to be used. The unmistakable sound of footsteps thumping down stairs followed by the clicking of locks being undone.

“Who the fuck rings the doorbell this early on the fucking weekend.” The man who had been at the forefront of Sakura’s mind since waking up stood before her, cursing up a storm. His hair that she had only seen slicked back was tousled with some strands sticking in odd angles from sleep. Her eyes traveled down to appreciate his naked chest and torso and saw he was wearing jeans and she silently judged if he had slept in them because _that_ was uncomfortable.

Maybe she shouldn’t date him. Regardless if he was a psycho or not, sleeping in denim was just unacceptable.

He rubbed his eyes with a yawn before squinting at her, opening his mouth probably to curse some more until the recognition shone in his eyes.

“Oh fuck.”

“Oh fuck is right.” Sakura nodded. She brought her unlocked phone in front of his face, not giving him a moment to speak. “This is you in the backyard late last night digging a suspicious hole,” Sakura swiped right. “And this is a screenshot of your post on insta with me in the background. And _this_ is the weird fucking mannequin of me in your home so what’s up with that?”

Hidan’s mouth hung open even after she placed the phone back into her pocket and rolled up the sleeve of her black long sleeve to show a forming bruise.

“And this, along with this,” she yanked the sleeve down to pull up the hem of the shirt to reveal more bruising on her lower torso that disappeared below the waistline of her leggings. “Is from hitting me with your car.”

She hoped he wasn’t too observant because she did put a bit of extra makeup on her light bruising to make it look a lot worse than it actually was. She counted her lucky stars that besides waking up with a killer headache, being sore, and a little bruising on her hip that she was otherwise okay.

“Now,” she began, straightening out her top before crossing her arms, “the most reasonable course of action after discovering this is to file a police report and sue every pretty penny out of you.”

Hidan snapped his mouth shut. His mind finally catching up and realizing this is in fact _not_ a fucked up dream and this pink haired menace was standing on Deidara’s front step actually speaking _words_ to him. He opened his mouth to deny all of it and make up some elaborate story about him having a twin upstairs who he would go get but in reality jump out the back window and make a run for whichever bordering country he could get to first, but she held up a finger to silence him.

“ _But_.”

But.

But?

What?

Hidan gave her a suspicious look. “But?”

“I _won’t_ report the hit and run _if_!” Sakura stared past her finger and into his magenta eyes with such intensity that Hidan had to stop himself from taking a step back. “If… you pretend to date me.”

Hidan blinked. Blinked again. Huh. Small world.

“You’re blackmailing me.” He slowly realized.

She waved her hand vaguely. “I’d rather call it, reluctant partnering or something.”

“To be your fucking _boyfriend?”_

“That _is_ what I said.”

“What the fuck. What the _fuck._ So because I _—_ I mean you, _think_ I hit you with my car, I have to date you to avoid a lawsuit? That is so fucked.” Hidan groaned, leaning against the door frame while pressing his face into his hands. “Fuck! And that is _not_ my fucking mannequin! I didn’t even know that thing existed in the first place! _I don’t even live here_!”

Sakura watched him despair at either being caught or being blackmailed or being blamed for a mannequin he didn’t even know about or probably all 3 and almost felt bad… well, until she remembered he hit her with his car.

“Why do you even _need_ a boyfriend? Am I supposed to be like your personal sex-slave? Are you gonna step on me? Wait—I actually might like that, hold on.”

Sakura gave him a look of disgust. “Ew, what, no! Nothing like that! I need you to be my fake boyfriend to piss someone off. I think you might actually know them since apparently they know you.” She reached back into her pocket to grab her phone while Hidan shot her a skeptical look.

“I highly fucking doubt we know anyone in common.” Hidan began, watching the girl type in someone’s name in the search bar on Instagram. She turned her phone towards him after bringing up a profile and he froze. Nagato’s profile picture stared back at him.

What the fuck.

“This is Nagato.”

What the _fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now we're finally all caught up! This was the last chapter I needed to transfer over and now Sakura and Hidan finally met! I hope you enjoyed, I'll see you next chapter!


	6. The One Where Hidan Gets Blocked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a loooooooong one. Enjoy.

“So you have no idea what I’m talking about?”

“None whatsoever.”

“But you answered when I asked outside.”

“I was fucking nervous, I just said whatever I thought you wanted to hear.”

Sakura eyed Hidan critically. “Well, who lives here then? I have a few questions for them.”

“I feel unsafe divulging that information to you. Next question.”

After the girl invited herself inside, Hidan reluctantly made her some of Deidara’s coffee and hoped to god he wouldn’t notice some missing and strangle him in his sleep. They both sat at the kitchen table as Sakura explained how Nagato was her ex and had cheated on her with his best friend. She didn’t give many details, but it made Hidan sneakily pinch his thigh under the table to make sure he wasn’t in the twilight zone or what could be some fucked up episode of _Black Mirror_.

Who’d’ve thought that the world was so small that the person he ended up hitting with his car turned out to be Nagato’s ex. He also didn’t think that when he posted the picture online, someone would actually _know_ her. He also, _also_ didn’t think she’d show up at Deidara’s door demanding that he date her.

Sakura leaned back in her chair, cradling her magical girl mug in both hands. “Well, since you don’t want to speak of the monstrosity upstairs, then how about this. What was your intent behind posting that photo? Are you trying to make someone… _jealous_?”

Before Hidan could even think about whether or not to tell her about his own connection to Nagato and Konan, steady footsteps sounded from the stairs. Hidan used the distraction to slurp his coffee while Sakura turned her head towards the kitchen’s entrance. Deidara entered, staring down at his phone intently.

“Yo, so I sent one of those big edible arrangements to her house anonymously. You know, the expensive ones with the pineapple flowers and chocolate strawberries. I signed it with the premade message, ‘sorry for your loss’ because the custom messages were down for maintenance.”

Hidan cleared his throat causing Deidara to look up at the same time Sakura shot up from her chair, fists ready to swing.

“Are you the one who made that look-alike mannequin of me in your window?”

“Wh-what?”

“HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN WATCHING ME SLEEP?”

Hidan burst out laughing, spilling hot coffee down his chest. “FUCK!”

“Hidan, stop fucking yelling!” A muffled voice yelled from upstairs.

“ARE THOSE MY MAGICAL GIRL MUGS!” Deidara screeched, rushing over to collect both Sakura and Hidan’s cups.

“STOP FUCKING YELLING!” The voice from upstairs boomed even louder, causing Sakura to jump slightly and silencing the other two.

A single tear fell from Hidan's eye. “I need medical assistance.”

“Yeah, for your fucking brain,” Deidara hissed, placing the mugs gently into the sink. “These are _Sasori’s_!"

Reaching across the table for the paper towels, Hidan unrolled a ridiculous amount before tearing it off and patting his chest gingerly. “Okay and?”

“He’ll kill you, un.”

“I’d like to see him fucking try. I’d fight him _and_ his mom.”

Deidara turned to give Hidan a withering stare before zeroing in on Sakura who was absorbing their interaction silently now, and then back to Hidan.

“I shouldn’t be surprised really, considering it’s you after all and you’re an idiot, un” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Hidan shrugged nonchalantly, his chest now bright red against the rest of his pale body.

Sakura mentally checked the box: Hidan _was_ an idiot.

“But even with that being said, what the fuck is she doing here?”

Hidan and Sakura exchanged glances. His nervous one with her confused one. Before she could ask how Deidara knew her enough to ask why she was in his kitchen, Hidan blurted out: “Well, turns out your neighbor has been stalking me and came to confess her undying love and so now we’re to marry immediately.”

Deciding to ignore Hidan, Deidara turned expectantly to Sakura who still looked confused but responded more slowly, as if unsure if she even wanted to go through with what she was about to say. “I’m blackmailing your friend to be my boyfriend.”

Deidara nodded. “That’s more believable. Well, as you were—wait aren’t you dating—oh wait never mind.” The blonde waved his hand as if to dismiss whatever he was about to say before making his way out of the kitchen, mumbling about how he now had to find out if he could get a refund on his edible arrangement.

Hidan busied himself by crumbling the paper towels in his hand to avoid the curious look on Sakura’s face.

“You’re dating someone? That changes things.”

Glad that the subject didn’t include Deidara and his question or the edible arrangement, Hidan responded “How?”

The girl shot him an incredulous look. “How? What do you _—_ that’s considered _cheating,_ which I don’t condone obviously.”

“But blackmailing is fine?” Hidan shot back with a slight glare. They stared each down before he relented with a sigh. “I’m not seeing anyone. I’m freshly single in fact. My newly single pheromones should be attracting all the ladies within a 50 mile radius shortly.”

“Not anymore. You’re dating _me_ now.” Sakura reminded, sitting back down in her chair. “Anyways,” she continued, “the caption. There are a couple scenarios I came up with on why you’d post something like that, but I’m hoping for the most sane theory."

"And that is?"

"That you’re just trying to grab someone’s attention. And honestly if that were the case, it'd be pretty ideal since then we’d both have something to gain outta this.”

Shifting a little in his chair, Hidan nodded slowly. “I may have had... an ex... that did me… dirty.”

Without missing a beat, Sakura nodded. “Same here, so we’re both petty. I’m liking you more already and you need all the points you can get since your car got you to negative five hundred.”

“I already agreed to being blackmailed, shouldn’t that have gotten me some points?”

“Hmmm, no.”

“This is fucking bullshit.”

A laugh escaped before she could stop herself. “Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you I swear, but you’re barely being like ten percent blackmailed at this point. We’re already friends, honestly.”

Hidan glared at her pathetic attempt at covering up her pretty smile. “I like to be at zero fucking percent not being blackmailed at all fucking times. It really cuts into my recreational time.”

Scooting forward to the edge of her chair, Sakura tapped Hidan’s leg playfully with her foot. “Uh huh, of course. So do you wanna tell me any other info about this ex?”

Rolling over the idea of telling Sakura more made Hidan feel kind of uneasy. He didn’t know where the feeling of reluctance came from but he knew there was too much happening too fast, even for him. And the fact that this was no where near how he envisioned having a conversation with a person he ran over to go had him thrown for a loop. But that wasn't to say he wasn't pleasantly surprised by how nice it was. It, oddly enough, almost felt like they could be friends. Maybe Hidan needed more sleep, like a whole week’s worth, but spending the past 30 minutes talking and listening to Sakura was nice. But this whole interaction mixed his feelings of the fear for possibly being arrested, anxiety of her yelling _sike_ and beating him up, nervousness at how laid back she was, and confusion about how he was lowkey kind of, maybe, possibly, attracted to her all into a big neon sign in his brain that flashed ‘ _WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON’_ .

Hidan shook his head slightly, dispelling any other cursed thoughts. Yeah, he definitely needed some more sleep.

Wanting to turn the conversation away from having to admit who his ex was, Hidan shrugged. “None that I can think of at the moment. But whatever, it’s time for me to ask some questions.”

Hidan tried not to look uneasy under Sakura’s scrutinizing gaze before she leaned back again and nodded her assent. “Okay, ask away.”

“So…” he began, searching for something to say. “Nagato sent you that picture?”

“Yeah, during the middle of the night. It’s odd since I dated him for two years and he’s never mentioned your name before.”

Hidan snorted. “Yeah, cause the fucker never liked me. We don’t even follow each other on social media so—“

Sakura quirked an eyebrow at the abrupt way he cut himself off. A faraway look settled over his face before morphing into surprise then anger.

“That bitch _saw_ it already!” Hidan exclaimed, startling Sakura.

“You’re talking about your ex I’m assuming?” She tentatively asked, watching Hidan unlock his phone and aggressively swipe at his screen before letting out a frustrated sigh, nodding.

“Okay…” Sakura decided not to push the matter or the fact that Hidan confirmed her suspicions that him and Nagato did not get along. Deciding to file the info away for another time, Sakura figured she’d reiterate her very first request to get them back on the same page. “So my offer. Do you agree… or?”

Hidan paused his scrolling to glance at her. “Does it look like I have a fucking choice?”

Well, that wasn’t a no. Double check the box that Hidan _was_ an idiot. “How do I know you won’t bail once I leave?”

Placing his phone down on the table, Hidan fixed the girl a leveled look. “I don’t know about you but as you said earlier, we’ll both be getting something out of this fucked up situation, and I agree. And I also don’t feel like getting sued since you have pictures of me now or whatever.” Hidan sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I’m basically in whether I like it or not, Pinky.”

Sakura was silent for a moment. She understood Hidan was holding back info that could be of use to her but she’d work on that later. For now, she grinned at him and held out her hand. “Partners?”

He gripped her hand in his, giving a firm shake. “Reluctant partners.”

Their hands slipped away from each other and Hidan obviously couldn’t help noticing how soft and small the girl’s hand was in comparison to his.

“So what now?” Sakura asked.

“I guess we should formally introduce ourselves?” Hidan offered tiredly. His early wake-up call was starting to catch up to him.

“Well, my name is Sakura, I don’t think you needa know my full government name for this to work.” She lightly joked. Hidan was slightly grateful he hadn’t said the girl’s name aloud yet and ended up having to explain the process of finding her ID and carrying her back into her house after breaking and entering.

Fuck, it’s been a long weekend.

“Well nice to fucking meet you miss blackmailer.” Hidan gave a halfhearted thumbs up. “Name’s Yugakure Hidan. I don’t mind telling you my last name ‘cause even though you’re blackmailing me, you’re totally gonna fall for me and we’ll get married in the countryside with trumpets and flowers and shit and you’ll be sporting that last name.” He gave her a smug smirk.

“Yugakure is an ugly last name and an absolute mouthful paired with my name. Highly unlikely.” Sakura dismissed, mirroring his expression with her own.

“Bitch.”

Expecting her face to turn indignant at his profanity like most girls, Hidan was surprised when Sakura burst out laughing.

“And don’t you forget it.” She grinned.

Hidan huffed out a surprised chuckle. Sakura was turning out to be very, very, interesting. 

* * *

12:30PM

Kisame stood at the base of the stairs staring at the girl he helped carry into the neighboring house no less than a few hours ago sitting on Deidara’s couch, casually watching tv while Hidan snoozed on the other end. He debated turning around and returning to Deidara’s too small bed and going back to sleep because clearly he woke up in the wrong universe, but then the girl noticed his absolute unit of a body and waved good morning before turning back to whatever program she was watching. Kisame couldn’t even form a coherent thought besides:

“It’s not morning, it’s noon.”

The girl looked back at him and then to the clock on the wall. “Oh you’re right, good afternoon then.”

“Uh… good after...noon….” Kisame decided he wasn’t going to deal with it and shuffled into the kitchen.

Deidara stood in front of his stove, his attention focused solely on what Kisame recognized as an omelet.

“So, you’re finally awake, un. Morning.” Deidara greeted him without a glance. Kisame grunted and decided coffee was needed before food.

“What time did you wake up?” Kisame asked, picking up one of the disgusting Nanami coffee packets and plopping it into the keurig.

“Hidan woke me up this morning around nine-ish.” Deidara answered, slipping his omelet from the pan onto a plate he set aside.

“Nine? What the fuck was he doing up so early?”

“Hidan’s victim apparently showed up to blackmail him. I’m sure you saw our unexpected guest in my living room.”

“Blackmail him?” Kisame let out a laugh. It probably wasn’t the most sane reaction, but with the lack of coffee and sleep, his sanity was teetering.

“To date or some shit, I don’t know. I didn’t really ask her to elaborate.” Deidara sat down at his table and was joined soon by Kisame who tiredly sipped his coffee.

“Well, this was not how I expected this weekend to go.”

“You’re telling me un. Just wait til Itachi finds out.”

Kisame inhaled his coffee, promptly choking. He smacked his chest in an attempt to clear his airway. “Holy shit I forgot about Itachi!” He managed to cough out.

Deidara stared indifferently as Kisame hacked up a lung, spittle flying across his table. He moved his plate to his lap before cutting into the omelet. “What time was he supposed to come by again?”

Their conversation is cut short by the doorbell ringing. Amazingly Kisame stopped coughing out of fear or sheer willpower and Deidara made no indication that he even heard the chime.

The doorbell rang again.

Hidan’s voice which was raspy from sleep shouted, _Who the FUCK is here_ , followed by the door opening.

“You look terrible Hidan.” Itachi’s voice greeted them.

“Yeah, well fuck you too, asshole.” Hidan grumbled.

Kisame managed to make it to the doorway in time to see Itachi step into the living room and freeze. The girl noticing the newcomer, gave a friendly smile. Itachi stood silently.

Worried they might've finally broke him, Kisame reached a tentative hand out towards his friend, only to stop when Itachi turned towards him, and then to Hidan. “It's been less than 20 hours. How did this happen.”

Kisame took a step back. “I just woke up. Don’t ask me.”

“What… happened.” Itachi asked, enunciating each word with a frightening calm face.

“Well, you see, after we—“

With lightning fast reflexes, Itachi’s hands shot out _—_ one grabbing a fistful of Hidan’s hair, yanking him backwards while the other clamped over his mouth. He looked to the girl who was watching him with wide eyes. Itachi was grateful he decided to change out of his uniform before coming over.

“How much do you know?” Itachi asked the girl.

“How much do I know about… what?”

“About the situation you’re in. How much are you aware of.”

Sakura stayed quiet for a second, she gave Itachi a calculating look before answering. “I know enough.”

The vague answer was definitely not going to satisfy the Uchiha. Kisame watched worriedly from the sidelines as the silence stretched on. The only noise coming from Deidara’s fork hitting the plate as he cut his omelet from the kitchen.

“And what is it that you know.” Itachi pressed. Hidan’s spine continued to be bent in an 80 degree arc.

Sakura stood up so they could be on even ground _—_ even if the raven-haired man still towered over her. “Look, I don’t know who you are, but Hidan told me to wait here after talking to him to meet his friends or whatever which I’m assuming is all of you guys unless random people just waltz through here all the time.”

None of them responded so the girl continued on.

“My name is Sakura, Hidan hit me with his car and now he’s being blackmailed to date me. The end.”

Itachi shot Hidan a glare who in turn managed to shrug as nonchalantly as one could while almost breaking their spine in a ‘meh what can you do’ way.

A pregnant pause followed the admission. No one moved, except Deidara who surprisingly just didn’t give a fuck about what was happening in his living room for once. Itachi released Hidan who fell to the floor in a heap before turning to the kitchen.

“I need assistance in the kitchen. _Now_.”

Knowing Itachi over the years had made it abundantly clear that he was perfectly capable of completing any and all tasks the universe gave him. Kisame and Hidan knew that he definitely didn't need _any_ type of assistance.

“If he murders us in Deidara’s kitchen I swear to god I’ll fucking kill you.” Kisame whispered out of the corner of his mouth as he helped Hidan up from the floor.

Sakura returned to the couch and watched as the men walked into the kitchen. She theorized at least one of Hidan’s friends knew the whole story if not all of them but the newcomer basically confirmed it with his questioning. If she were the one to hit somebody with her car, she’d probably tell Ino or Karin first, and then maybe Sasuke and Naruto to help hide the body. Clearly there was more to this story than just Hidan running her over. For starters she couldn’t have gotten into her home by herself since she was unconscious for a day, and with the newcomer asking questions despite it being the first time she's ever seen him along with the lack of surprise from the other men was a dead give away that they wall must've been in on it in some capacity.

Whatever show she had mindlessly zoned out on cut to commercial break. Sakura watched some new ice cream mochi flavor be advertised on the screen. Some noises could be heard from the kitchen but nothing distinctive and Sakura wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear what they were saying anyways.

Hidan was a normal guy who just fucked up one night driving, but from just hanging out this morning, she actually liked him. However if she heard anything else, it could change how she saw him and thus, ruin what she was planning. Blackmailing Hidan was probably the most fucked up thing she'd ever done in her life… (well maybe second to spitting gum in Ino’s hair in 4th grade) but if Hidan had just been some random person and not someone Nagato knew then she probably wouldn’t be here at all. She didn’t hold any ill feelings towards the man, and she wanted to keep it this way for now.

Sakura grabbed the remote and turned the volume up 5 notches.

* * *

“The girl is sitting on Deidara’s couch.”

“I’d like to say again that I _just_ woke up and have no idea how Hidan got roped into being blackmailed.”

“Me neither, un.”

3 sets of eyes turned to their silver haired friend who sat rubbing his sweaty palms against his pants.

“Before I explain, just be aware that she practically came at the buttcrack of dawn with a knife and threatened to cut my balls off if I didn’t agree to her terms okay, _so—"_

“Lies, I woke up around 9 to see you two sitting here drinking coffee, un.”

“Fucking snitch rat, I’m putting nair in all your shampoo bottles.”

“ _Enough_." Itachi crossed his arms tightly against his chest. “If you don’t tell me what happened _properly_ within the next 20 seconds, I will choke it out of you, Hidan.”

“Is a cop really supposed to be threatening the lives of citizens.” Hidan grumbled under his breath only to be kicked by Kisame.

“Okay! Okay! Look see, this is how it fucking happened. She showed up here with her phone with all types of pictures on it saying if I dated her then she wouldn’t report me to the police.”

“Pictures?”

At Itachi’s marginally 0.000001% confused eyebrow lift, Hidan realized he had no idea they buried the girl’s blinds in Deidara’s backyard _or_ the fact that he posted a picture of her on his social media. There was no way out of this so Hidan slowly started explaining the late night burial and then finally admitted to all 3 men that he posted a picture of the girl online which was quickly followed by both Deidara and Kisame flipping out their phones and checking for themselves.

“Are you fucking kidding me Hidan!”

“Hey, you’re the one who took the picture with her in the first fucking place!”

“Yeah, but he didn’t fucking _post it_ , un!”

“Hidan, how did she get your Instagram.” Itachi’s clear voice cut through the growing argument, once again silencing the other two.

“I’m getting there, I’m getting there. So after she showed me those two pics she said she wouldn’t report me to the police if I dated her to get her ex mad _—_ which by the way is fucking Nagato, yeah, crazy small world huh.” Hidan chuckled humorlessly. “I already figured out Konan was most likely the one to send him the screenshot of it which is how Sakura probably ended up getting it.”

Deidara stared at his friend, shocked. “Wait, _N_ _agato?_ Doesn’t that mean…?”

“Fucking _yup!_ The fucker that Konan cheated on me with is none other than her best fucking friend Nagato which just so happens to be Sakura’s ex.”

“So what I’m getting here is that Konan cheated on you, and since Sakura wants to fake date, that her breakup from Nagato must've been fairly recent. So it’s probably safe to assume that he also cheated on her.” Kisame explained. Itachi nodded marginally at the theory.

“It sounds like you’re fine with this whole situation though. The blackmailing I mean, un.” Deidara said, to which Hidan shrugged at.

“The way the girl explains it makes it seem simple enough. I always had my problems with Nagato, so being able to get back at him by pretending to date his ex is too good an opportunity to pass up.”

“That’s childish, un.” Deidara sighed.

“Immature really.” Kisame added.

“I’m in the chaotic part of my breakup, fuck off and let me make some bad decisions.” Hidan huffed.

Itachi lifted himself off the fridge and took a step to the kitchen’s entrance before looking back to Hidan. “It seems you don’t need help getting out of this then. I’ll leave you to it.”

Hidan stood up from his chair. “Wait! You’re not… judging me? Or at least telling me how terrible of an idea this is, because even I can see how fucking terrible it is.”

Turning so that he was fully facing his friend now, Itachi took a step forward and placed a hand on Hidan’s shoulder. The silver haired man stared wide eyed both in fear and awe at the friendly physical contact that Itachi _rarely_ ever showed.

“While I believe this is a terrible idea that’ll end as equally terrible, there’s clearly unfinished business between all of you even if three out of four of you are unaware of it. And to be honest, I never liked Nagato anyways, he was quite pretentious.”

The other two men nodded their agreement while Hidan recovered from his initial shock at the Uchiha’s admittance enough to throw his head back and laugh. A phone chime rang off causing Kisame and Deidara to tear their gaze away from the weird display of friendship in front of them and check their phones.

“Not me.” Kisame said, placing his back down on the table.

“Me neither, un.”

They looked to Itachi and Hidan.

“My phone is always on silent. If there’s an emergency, whoever is trying to reach me can call 911.”

Hidan took his phone from his pocket, and checked his screen.

“But you’re a cop, aren’t you technically 911? Seems a bit irresponsible.” Deidara mused, now occupied with scrolling through insta stories.

“Once I’m off the clock it’s in God’s hands, Deidara.” Itachi stated in such a monotone voice that Kisame chuckled.

“Hey, look at this shit.” Hidan interrupted them, placing his phone down onto the table. Deidara and Kisame leaned forward to see what was being displayed while Itachi hung back, clearly about to be informed about whatever was on the screen from one of them.

“Nagato requested to follow you?” Deidara hissed, backing away from the screen as if saying Nagato’s name would summon him. Hidan nodded, managing to look a bit unnerved and pissed off at the same time. Kisame let out a low whistle before leaning back in his chair.

“That seems messy.” He unhelpfully added.

Hidan began to pace. “I wonder if Konan told him to follow me. Wait, no, that’d make no fucking sense, she already follows me herself. We’ve never followed each other on social media before, it’s like the unspoken rule of us having to exist in the same fucking world at the same damn time.” He stopped and turned to the men watching him silently. “Is he really that fucking pissed at the thought of me dating Sakura even though he cheated on her? That fucking psycho, Jesus Christ.”

“Maybe he just wants a friendly chat, un.” Deidara shrugged, which got him a middle finger from Hidan and a poorly muffled chuckled from Kisame. Itachi looked indifferently at the blonde, as usual.

“It’s probably to talk shit.” Kisame offered. “The guy is so far up his own ass he probably expects an apology from both you and Sakura.”

“Fuck that, he can fuck the fuck off.” Hidan growled.

“Your brain is free to use Hidan.” Itachi sighed.

“Our bro moment is officially over, Itachi. All reason has left me, I’m going into straight crackhead mode.”

“Oh god, un.”

The 3 men watched Hidan accept Nagato’s request on Instagram and waited on baited breath for the end of the world to happen or something equally devastating.

Nothing happened.

“He didn’t even send you a DM.” Kisame almost sounded disappointed at the lack of chaos ensuing.

“Maybe he didn’t expect you to accept so soon. Your chaotic-ness caught him off guard, un.” 

“I didn’t expect to accept so quickly or at all. To be honest I blacked out a second ago.” Hidan mumbled, swiping his screen to refresh his messages.

“I’m leaving, I have a tennis match to play with my mother. Let me know if anything new develops.” Itachi announced, walking out of the kitchen without such much as a wave.

“Say hi to Mikoto-san for me.” Kisame called while the other two men perked up at the comment.

“Tennis match? He plays tennis?” Hidan questioned, incredulous.

“You know how people go to church on Sundays? That’s Itachi but with tennis. It’s a religious experience seeing him play with his mom. Her _legs.”_ Kisame gave a chef’s kiss.

“Go to his profile.” Deidara instructed, interrupting Kisame who was about to go into great detail about Mikoto’s thighs.

“Who? Itachi? You tryna see more pictures of Mikoto? Say no more, I have them saved on my phone.” Kisame unlocked his phone. Deidara shot him a disgusted look while Hidan looked intrigued. “There’s not a lot, Itachi is quite careful when posting family on his insta, but I got the best ones.”

“What the _fuck_ Kisame.” Deidara yelled, slamming his hand on the bigger man’s phone screen. “We are not sexualizing Itachi’s birth giver! She made us snacks in sixth grade!”

“Yeah and then she became a snack, goddamn.”

“Ew, _shut up!_ Go to _Nagato’s_ profile!” Deidara order. Reluctantly Kisame put his phone away but not before giving Hidan a look that promised he’d show him the pictures later. They watched Hidan go back to his recent notifications, intending to click on Nagato’s profile only to see the follow notification was gone.

“Huh?” He swiped down to refresh the page but it still did not appear. He went to the search bar to type in the name only to have nothing show up. “What the fuck?”

“I knew it.”

Hidan looked to Deidara confused. “Knew what? Where’d his profile go?”

“Oh wow, damn okay. He blocked you.” Kisame said, realizing what Deidara was getting at.

“Blocked me!” Hidan shouted, which was followed by a harsh ‘shhh’ from the blonde. “What the fuck is the point of requesting to follow me only to block me immediately after?”

“He was probably just stalking you real quick. For what, I’m not sure, but that’s usually what people who do that are up to.” Hidan looked to Kisame who shrugged.

“Look, the best way to get back at him is to post pictures of you and Sakura. She knows her ex best and if the first thing she did after finding out you existed was to blackmail you into dating instead of hitting you with a lawsuit then I say follow her lead, un.”

Hidan nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Okay, fuck it. Looks like I’m in a relationship, boys. Don’t cry too much.” He winked. Kisame laughed while Deidara gagged.

“Put a fucking shirt on you barbarian, un.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow, my beta got the idea of Itachi playing tennis into my head, and now, it's literally a whole thing. Out of everything I have planned for this story, they're most excited about the tennis parts.


	7. The One Where Everyone Tells Them What A Dumb Idea This Is

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't find a good place to end, so enjoy 18 pages of nonsense.

“We need to discuss terms and conditions.”

Hidan borrowed one of Deidara’s plain black shirts to make himself more presentable to his ‘ _girlfriend_ ’.He felt the burning stares of Kisame and Deidara on his back from the kitchen doorway. They refused to intrude but had no problem eavesdropping apparently. Hidan thought of Mikoto’s thighs as a reward for putting his foot down against the little pink menace.

“Oh?” Sakura’s lips quirked up slightly. 

“Yes. You made it pretty fucking clear you want to cause Nagato misery and a plague on his house or whatever, and I’m all for it, like more power to you BUT!” He glanced back to his friends who motioned for him to continue. Clearing his throat loudly, Hidan placed himself next to her on the couch. “We need limitations.”

Sakura considered this silently which made Hidan even _more_ nervous. Despite the circumstances, he knew he had SOME leeway in this predicament. Without him, the girl had no plan.

Eventually she nodded her consent. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

“I’m glad you asked, Pinky!” Hidan slapped his knees and got up to pace in front of her. “First off, when does this charade end? Clearly we can’t be stuck ‘dating’ forever.”

“I thought you were gonna make me fall in love with you and get married?” Sakura smiled slyly, making Hidan pause to recall his words. He sat down again.

“Uh….” To avoid looking at her devious, pretty, smiling face, Hidan buried his own into his hands. “Ugh, don’t listen to anything I say until noon. My brain usually isn’t fully functioning ‘til then.” He groaned causing Sakura to laugh lightly.

“It’s a relief to know I won’t be Yugakure Sakura then.”

Hidan shot back up. “Moving on!” He announced loudly, startling Sakura. “What are we supposed to do within this fake dating? I’m assuming holding hands and sharing ice cream and all that cheesy shit but….” Besides already acting fidgety from his nerves, Hidan was overcome with a fresh wave of embarrassment. He turned his head away, feeling his cheeks warm. “... What else?” He mumbled reluctantly.

Little hands grabbed the edge of his shirt and yanked him back down. He fell into his seat with a quiet _‘oof’_ and looked at the girl who then patted his knee in what she probably thought was a comforting gesture, but it was his _knee._ His cheeks burned hotter.

“I haven’t even answered the first question.” She pointed out, to which he just nodded to. “I’m not sure when this’ll end. I guess whenever one of us decides to call it quits?”

“How is that any different from regular dating?” Hidan questioned.

“Well for one, it’s not like we’d be hanging out all the time. The only reason we should ever be meeting up is to date crash my ex and his new girlfriend.” She explained.

“Date crash?”

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, like show up wherever they go and flaunt our own relationship in their face. My ex likes to post whenever he goes out so it’ll be easy to catch them.”

Not telling Sakura that Konan was his ex-girlfriend was beginning to seem like a bigger and bigger mistake. He promised her in his mind he’d tell her before she left Deidara’s house.

“That seems a bit stalkerish, but okay.” Hidan said, which earned him a friendly shove. He stared at her, slightly confused at how familiar she was acting with him.

“You can’t judge me, you hit me with your car.”

“Touché.”

“And as for your second question, I guess it wouldn’t require more than just some physical contact.” Sakura mused. She must’ve caught the tense look on his face because she laughed. “If you’re worried about having to kiss, I can assure you it won’t be needed. I’m sure just _seeing_ me with you will be enough to boil Nagato’s blood.”

“I was talking more along the lines of me being allowed to grab your ass but sure, yeah, no kissing.” Hidan joked but was secretly thankful. He really didn’t want to be dragged into anything more intimate than hugging and hand holding. After all, he did just have his heart broken only two days ago and while Sakura was pretty and somewhat charming, the pain Konan inflicted on him was still fresh.

“You wish.” She scoffed. “Any more concerns you wanna bring up?”

With the two most pressing issues addressed, Hidan crossed his arms in thought. There were probably a great deal of other things they needed to talk out, but none were coming to mind. He certainly couldn’t admit any of the previous day excursions and he didn’t think she had an inkling to it regardless. The less she knew, the less trouble he’d be in. In the end, he just shook his head. “No, but if something else pops up you’ll be the first to know.”

“Sounds good.”

A loud clap sounded from the doorway of the kitchen. “WELL!” Deidara waltzed in, followed closely by Kisame. “It’s Sunday, which is my cleaning day and while that has nothing to do with any of you, I just hate having people over, so kindly get the fuck out, un.” His dazzling smile was returned with a scowl and an apologetic bow. Both Hidan and Sakura spoke at the same time.

“Sorry for barging in on you.”

“Fuck you, your house looks like shit anyways.”

Kisame laughed threateningly, placing a hand on the blonde’s shoulder and pushing Deidara behind him. “Ignore my friend here, he lacks basic social skills. _He’s a recluse.”_ The big man whispered conspiratorially to the girl who brought her hand up to cover a smile.

Deidara hopped on Kisame’s back. “What’re you whispering Kisame?” He yelled at the bigger man who grinned, showing off sharp canines. 

“If you’ll excuse us, miss, Hidan will see you out.” Kisame bowed his head slightly, ignoring the blonde monkey attacking his back, and turned back into the kitchen. Hidan watched them with a pale face. Deidara had clearly lost his mind.

“Well?” The girl’s voice drew back his attention. “Aren’t you going to see me out? Not a good start as a boyfriend I must say.”

“Yeah, yeah. If you don’t like me then you can find yourself a new sex slave.” Hidan said, steering her to the front door and opening it. She stepped out onto the porch before turning back.

“You aren’t a sex slave!” She exclaimed. Hidan noticed a light dusting of pink on her cheeks and decidedly ignored whatever feeling swirled in his gut at it. But it birthed another question that he blurted out before he could decide whether it was a bad idea to ask.

“What if one of us starts to like the other?”

Sakura looked taken aback, as if the thought had never even crossed her mind when piecing together her big bad scheme.

“Well,” she began slowly. “We’d just stop immediately I guess.”

A shriek from inside the kitchen saved Hidan from having to respond. Sakura looked past him into the house. “Sounds like your friend might need your help.” She looked back at him. “I’ll see you later, Hidan.”

A little wave goodbye and she was walking over Deidara’s lawn and onto her own. Hidan didn’t stay to see her to get inside. He closed the door and walked numbly back over to the couch. Some shouts along with a crashing sound of pots and pans could be heard from the kitchen, but it was dull background noise to him. The past few days were absolutely bizarre and to have it all lead up to this moment was sending him into the 5th dimension. He didn’t even notice when Kisame took a seat next to him.

“You good?” He asked, clapping Hidan on the back.

The smaller man gave a marginal nod but otherwise remained silent which concerned Kisame. Hidan always had something colorful to say.

“You sure? You look like a dead fish.” Kisame chuckled nervously.

Hidan finally met his friend’s gaze. “Am I crazy or is she really fucking pretty?”

“ _Oh god,_ don’t even _start,_ un!” Deidara warned in an exasperated tone. He leaned against the kitchen doorway sporting a new black eye and a frozen bag of peas in his hand.

“Stockholm Syndrome.” Kisame nodded knowingly, ignoring Deidara’s cries of, _that’s not how Stockholm Syndrome works, Kisame_!

* * *

1:32PM

Sasuke twirled his tennis racket in his palm. The grooves on the handle fit perfectly in his grip from months of use. 

“Do you need a new racket, Sasuke-chan?” He looked up to his mother who had just finished filling up their water bottles at the nearby fountain.

“No mom, I’m still good with this one.” He answered, giving it another spin.

Mikoto smiled at her youngest son before adjusting her visor more snugly on her head. “Can you text Itachi and see where he is? It’s not like him to be late.”

“Hn.” Sasuke placed his racket down and took out his phone. Itachi was only 3 minutes late but his mom was right, his brother was usually very anal about arriving precisely at the time suggested. He had texted him earlier about canceling the missing person’s report once he found Sakura at home, but he never responded.

“Mother. Sasuke.” The deep familiar voice of his brother greeted them. Sasuke sighed, placing his phone back in his bag. He didn’t bother saying hello. It was Sunday after all, there were no pleasantries on the court.

“Itachi, I was worried! You know I always tell you to let me know if you’re running late.” Their mother huffed. “Did you get called into the office?”

Itachi shook his head, taking his racket out of its case and scrunching the strings with his fingers. “No, I was checking on a friend, they were… unwell.”

“Was it Kisame? Are his allergies acting up again?” Mikoto handed Itachi his water bottle. Not waiting for a response, she continued. “I could make some food for you to take over to him. He’s always working so hard.”

“... I’m sure he would appreciate it, mother.” Itachi nodded.

Sasuke made his way over to the court and looked expectantly at his brother. Itachi placed his water bottle down after taking a drink and walked to the opposite side.

“Are you not taking off your sweater?” Sasuke arched an eyebrow at Itachi’s full black tracksuit. “You’re going to overheat.”

“UV sun rays are the most harmful, foolish brother. I refrain from exposing my skin to the sun for long periods of time whenever possible.” 

“Just wear sunblock.”

“The best protection is full coverage. I have said my piece.”

Grabbing a tennis ball from his pocket, Sasuke bounced it twice before settling into position. “Well, if I don’t destroy you first, that tracksuit will. I guess it’s fitting that it’s all black.”

Itachi smirked, “Try me.”

* * *

2:15PM

The match between the brothers continued on as the sun blazed hot over their heads. Mikoto had just excused herself as referee to use the restroom. Sasuke nodded while Itachi said nothing.

“Ready?” Sasuke wiped the sweat from his face with his shirt before bouncing the ball twice and tossing it up to serve with a grunt. The ball flew to the other side of the court and bounced past Itachi who stood perfectly still.

Sasuke stared surprised at his brother who had not moved a single muscle in reaction to his serve. “Are you photosynthesizing?” Sasuke called out, expecting a snarky comment in return, but Itachi didn’t react.

“Sasuke.” Itachi said calmly, barely moving his lips. Sasuke furrowed his eyebrows, slowly making his way to the net.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I can’t see.”

“What do you mean you can’t see?”

“It seems that I am having a heat stroke.”

Sasuke blanched, stepping over the net and grabbing Itachi’s arm to lead him to the bench in the shade. “I told you that ridiculous tracksuit was going to make you overheat!”

“Nonsense. It was not the tracksuit.” Itachi huffed slightly.

“Then how?” Sasuke snapped, settling Itachi down and pushing a water bottle into his brother’s hand.

“It was… I was photosynthesizing.”

“... You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Sasuke-chan, language!” Mikoto chided, returning.

Sasuke groaned. Itachi smirked. 

* * *

3PM

Sasuke sat next to a resting Itachi, thoroughly winded. After Mikoto demanded Itachi stay seated and rest, Sasuke continued playing with their mother. Itachi laid on the bench with his pants rolled up and his sweater discarded. A cooling gel patch stuck to his forehead, courtesy of their mother who was always prepared for anything.

“She’s a machine.” Sasuke puffed, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a towel. Itachi grunted (elegantly). Mikoto walked around the court picking up stray tennis balls, humming a light tune as if obliterating Sasuke in their match was nothing more than a casual workout.

“Foolish brother, all you have to do is hit the ball.”

“Fuck you Itachi, I know I have to hit the ball.” Sasuke hissed, tossing his sweaty towel towards his brother who smacked it to the floor. “And you can’t call me foolish after showing up in your sweats.”

“Hn, that’s beside the point. I still didn’t lose to you.” Despite the calm face, Sasuke could hear the smug tone in his brother’s voice. “When we ended the match it was one to zero.”

“Yeah, whatever, I would’ve beaten you in the second round but _somebody_ was dying.”

“It was calculated.”

“Well, the sun was in my eyes _—_ ”

“You have a visor specifically for that reason which you refuse to w _—_ ”

“Visors look stupid on me _—_ ”

“You worry about aesthetics which in the end, hinder your game play _—_ ”

“Oh my _god_ ,Itachi.” Sasuke groaned, lifting himself up from the bench with the intention of kissing his mother goodbye and meeting her at the house. His phone chimed, causing him to stop and check it instead.

Sakura had finally texted him. Completely ignoring his message about how she had no window in her bedroom, she responded in all caps.

_CALL ME WHEN YOU’RE FREE WE NEED TO TALK_

An all caps text from Sakura asking to talk was never a good thing. It usually involved Nagato and a lot of crying, and then punching pillows, and then more crying, followed up by eating copious amounts of french fries. He sighed through his nose before responding.

_K_

“Itachi,” Sasuke turned back to his brother who was peeling off the cooling patch. He hummed in acknowledgement. “Did you read the text I sent you this morning? About my friend?”

Itachi turned his attention to his younger brother. “I did see it. The file was not submitted.”

“Okay, thanks.” Sasuke reached down to grab his gear. “I’ll see you next weekend.”

“See you next weekend.” Itachi nodded, grabbing a new patch. “I’ll make sure to wear all black for your funeral then too, when I undoubtedly beat you again.”

“Oh, fuck _off_!”

“Sasuke-chan, language!”

Itachi smirked.

* * *

4:09PM

Sakura watched the makeup she applied to her bruises swirl down the shower drain. After returning home from Deidara’s, she flopped onto her bed and fell into a very long nap. Despite being knocked out for basically a whole day and a half, she felt exhausted. Waking up a few hours later left her feeling more sore, but overall a little better and so she decided she should probably talk to Sasuke. The need to vent about the current events taking place in her life was becoming increasingly apparent the more he dwelled on it.

After checking the time, Sakura figured Sasuke’s weekly tennis match would be almost over. She sent a quick text and without waiting for a reply, hopped in the shower. While the heat felt nice on her sore muscles, it left her mind wandering over her recent decisions.

Deep down she knew she wasn’t dealing with this in a healthy manner, but she was angry. Angry at wasting her time with Nagato and angry for not trusting her gut when it tried warning her something was wrong. Dragging another person into her own selfish schemes seemed out of character for her, but another part of her reasoned it wasn’t like Hidan would get nothing out of it either. It was a flimsy reason, but at the moment, it was enough to hold on to. Besides, she promised herself she’d stop if it began to get out of hand.

 _What if one of us starts to like the other_?

Hidan’s words echoed in her memory. It wasn’t a scenario that crossed her mind when brainstorming, but it was plausible, and therefore it was a warranted question. Sakura knew she came off as a little flirty sometimes, so she’d have to be careful. While it may seem fun in the beginning, it would cause nothing but trouble for her down the line if she crossed into that threshold with Hidan. It was apparent he was still processing his own breakup, whenever that was, and there was a thin line between moving on and clinging to someone else to help you move on.

She turned the shower knob, stopping the water.

This was definitely a risky game she was setting up.

Cold air met her skin as she stepped past her shower curtains. She grabbed the folded towel off her sink and began drying her hair when she heard the faint clicking of her door opening then closing.

“Sakura?” Sasuke’s muffled voice called out.

“Coming!” Sakura shouted back, wrapping the towel around her body and rushing into her room. She tossed the towel carelessly on her bed, slipped into some cheeky shorts and a loose worn shirt _—_ probably Naruto’s or Sasuke if she had to guess, and checked the time. She spent longer than she thought in the shower, it had been almost an hour since she texted Sasuke. Grabbing her comb and phone, she made her way downstairs.

Sasuke had already situated himself in the kitchen, rummaging through her fridge. He glanced at her when she entered. “What level of upset are you right now so I know whether or not I can eat or save my appetite for the fifty fries we’re going to consume later.”

“No fries.” Sakura firmly stated. “How was tennis? Did you tell your mom I said hi?” She lifted herself onto the counter and tossed her phone to Sasuke. He fumbled, surprised, before catching it and sending her a glare.

“You know I hate when you do that. And tennis was fine. My mom said you need to come over for dinner soon.” Sasuke closed the fridge door before leaning against it.

Sakura nodded, “It has been a while since I’ve had your mom’s cooking.” She lifted the comb, running it through her short hair. “But anyways, go open my messages with Nagato.”

“You’re combing your hair in the kitchen.” Sasuke observed. Sakura gave him a look that clearly said _yeah? So?_ “It’s unsanitary is all I’m saying.” He sniffed before unlocking her phone.

Sakura watched him scroll through the messages, waiting for some type of reaction. They had been friends for so long that she knew Sasuke liked portraying himself as a human ice cube incapable of proper emotions, but in reality, was actually very passionate, if you knew what to look for. A subtle twitch at the corners of his mouth was all Sakura needed to see to know that Sasuke was upset.

“Who is Hidan?” He asked, clicking onto the screenshot Nagato had sent her. “And why are you in the background here?”

“It was taken by Hidan.” Sakura began combing the other half of her hair. “Who is a guy Nagato apparently hates.” She paused and placed her comb down. “Are you not going to say anything about my breakup?”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later, it’s just unfortunate it didn’t happen sooner.” Sasuke said. It wasn’t surprising, but it still hurt to hear. Sasuke dealt with a lot of bullshit from Nagato and Sakura knew he didn’t say it to hurt her feelings or make her feel dumb. She was grateful that her stubborn friend stuck through it all and stayed by her side, along with his ability to always be straightforward with her when she needed it, even if she didn’t want to hear it sometimes.

“Where the fuck are you in this pic?”

Over the next few minutes, Sakura quickly explained everything that had happened in the last couple hours, starting from waking up and seeing his text followed by Nagato flipping out. She had to settle Sasuke down when she got around to the part where she remembered Hidan hitting her with his car. Reluctantly he sat down and glowered. She hopped off the counter and showed the bruising she attained from the accident.

“And you took a _picture_ with him to post?” Sasuke practically growled out. Sakura gently patted Sasuke’s hand.

“No silly, I was passed the fuck out. I have no idea when or where the picture was originally taken.”

“That’s somehow even worse! How do you know he didn’t take advantage of you?”

“He had friends with him, and to be honest they all seemed respectable enough.” Sakura shrugged. Sasuke was obviously not satisfied with that, but let her continue her tale anyways. The nightly burial came up, causing Sasuke to raise an eyebrow but Sakura hurried on, although she skipped over mannequin Sakura to avoid concerning him any further.

At the end of the tale, the raven haired man sat pensive, zoned out at a spot on her kitchen table. Sakura fidgeted nervously in her seat. A silent Sasuke was never good. It was the calm before the storm, the eerie silence before a volcano erupted. Slowly, he brought his gaze to her, the subtle downturn of his lips still there, but was now also accompanied by a slight crease next to his left eyebrow.

“This is, without a doubt, the stupidest idea you have ever had.” Sasuke spoke clearly, frighteningly calm. Sakura shrunk back in her chair knowing there was more to come.

“First of all, you don’t even know how you got home. We can only assume at this point that this guy and his friends brought you here, but that would mean they had to break into your house, which would explain your missing window, but besides that, they _know_ where you live. Secondly, you were in another location for who knows _how long_ and can once again only _assume_ that because of a short interaction you had with them, that they are respectable and that they didn’t take advantage of you.”

“But _—_ ”

“I’m not finished.” Sasuke snapped, effectively silencing her. “And lastly the whole blackmailing thing in general. I’m not sure what made you think this was a good idea in the first place _—_ no, you know what, scratch that, you’re smart, you _know_ this isn’t a good idea and did it anyway. And for what? To get back at Nagato? You’re broken up and you’re still letting him affect your life. Let it end Sakura, block him and move _on.”_

“I can’t!” Sakura finally shouted. “A year, Sasuke, _a whole year_!We fought over his friendship with Konan and instead of just being straight forward and breaking up with me, he strung me along until he found an opportunity to be with her! It doesn’t _—_ you don’t _—_ ugh, I can’t just let him get away happy!”

The admission was both to Sasuke and herself. Feeling the tingling sensation in her nose that usually came before crying, Sakura abruptly got up to pour herself a glass of water. Feeling upset and foolish, she sniffed, blinking back stubborn tears. Pissing off Nagato gave her a feeling of triumph and now she was accepting why.

Here she stood getting yelled at by one of her best friends over her ex while said ex was probably having a nice relaxing day with his new girlfriend. Breakups between two people who loved each other were never supposed to end cleanly, but Nagato ended up with the one he really loved, so Sakura felt like she was left with both sides of the heartbreak.

“It’s not fair.” She cleared her throat which was thick with emotion. A sigh followed by footsteps signaled Sasuke’s movement to her side. His hand reached past her to turn off the facet, the cup had been overflowing, but she didn’t care.

“Breakups born from cheating never are.” Sasuke said in a gentler tone. “Someone always ends up with all the hurt.”

“I’m still gonna do it, you know.” Sakura sniffed again before rubbing her eyes. She already promised herself she wouldn’t cry over Nagato anymore.

Sasuke sighed, pulling her into a one armed embrace. He settled his chin on the top on her head. Sakura closed her eyes and wrapped her arms loosely around his waist, taking full advantage of affectionate Sasuke. “You’re an adult Sakura,” he murmured into her hair. “You’re going to do whatever you want to do no matter what I say. Just… _be careful._ None of this looks like it’ll end well.”

“You doubt my chaotic nature to make things work, sweet Sasuke.” She laughed softly into his shirt.

The doorbell rang, interrupting their moment. Sakura pulled away, composing herself before heading towards the door, Sasuke following closely behind. Upon opening, they were greeted with nothing.

“What the?” Sasuke grumbled, peering past Sakura and seeing no one present.

“Sasuke, look.” Sakura leaned down, picking up a medium sized edible arrangement. They shared a confused glance before Sasuke plucked out the card from its placeholder in the middle.

“‘ _Sorry for your loss_ ', Huh? Who died?” Sasuke flipped the card over, but it was left unsigned. Recalling Hidan’s friend who strolled into the kitchen that morning, saying something about an edible arrangement, it all clicked in Sakura’s head.

“Oh my _god_." She laughed abruptly, startling Sasuke.

* * *

Hidan lounged on Deidara’s couch eating a popsicle while watching Grey’s Anatomy. Kisame sat on the other end with Hidan’s feet placed on his lap. 

“See, and _that’s_ McDreamy.” Hidan pointed at the screen with his popsicle.

“So she slept with her boss?” Kisame asked, attention fully committed to the drama unfolding.

“ _Y_ _es._ " The smaller man hissed with glee.

“Can you both go home already?” Deidara sighed for the fifth time as he passed them by with the vacuum.

“No.” They simultaneously replied. The blonde muttered some curses under his breath, leaving the room to put away the vacuum before returning with a freshly refrozen bag of peas. “What episode is this? The first one?”

“Yeah, we obviously have to start him off at the beginning.” Hidan directed his popsicle in Kisame’s direction. Deidara nodded, pulling his hair out of the messy bun he tied it in and plopped down in the middle cushion between the other two men.

“Ow! Good fucking lord Deidara, break my fucking kneecaps why don’t you!” Hidan yelped, moving his legs towards the edge of the sofa to avoid getting further crushed by Diedara’s ass.

“Sorry, not sorry, un.” Deidara smirked with a shrug, gingerly placing the frozen bag on his black eye.

“Shh, O’Malley is about to ace this surgery.” Kisame hushed. The 3 men watched in silence as the character on scene botched his first surgery.

The scene ended with Kisame sputtering at the outcome, Deidara laughing, and Hidan getting distracted by his phone vibrating. Ignoring his two friends, he wiggled a bit, much to Deidara’s annoyance, and eventually managed to get it out of his pocket. 

“Oh, Sakura texted me.” Hidan announced, surprised. The other two men looked at him, completely forgetting the show.

“What’d she say?” Kisame asked, immediately leaning over to peek at the screen.

“She said thank your friend for the edible arrangement, it was funny.” Hidan read aloud. Kisame tilted his head, confused.

“I thought I canceled that! It actually went _through?_ ” Deidara bemoaned, flopping his head back against the couch.

“The one with that stupid fucking message on it? Fuck, what was it, ‘sorry _for your loss_ ’?” Hidan laughed. Kisame gave Deidara an incredulous look.

“You didn’t.”

Deidara threw his bag of peas at Hidan in an attempt to silence him. “Should I have chosen the lovey-dovey option instead?”

“No, no, I think the message was fine, but you should’ve sent it to Hidan since he just lost his freedom as a single man.” Kisame laughed, promptly shutting Hidan up.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, don’t complain now.” Deidara chided, swiping his pea bag back from Hidan. “You were just gushing about her being cute, un.”

“Being cute doesn’t hide the fact that she’s _crazy!_ " Still, Hidan hovered his fingers over his screen thinking of what his reply should be, but ultimately coming up with nothing. He bounced his knee effectively jostling Deidara. “What should I say? Or should I not reply at all?”

Entirely consumed with his current plight, Hidan missed the look his two friends shared. “You’re overthinking it, Hidan.” Deidara tutted. “She probably doesn’t even expect a reply at all, un.”

“No, wait, send an emoji!” Kisame interjected. “It doesn’t make you look too eager and if she responds then…” he trailed off with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows.

“If she doesn’t even like me suggesting that I’m her sex slave I doubt she’s thinking off…” Hidan raised his own eyebrows.

Deidara rolled his eyes. “You’re both grown men, you can say sex.”

“Deidara, there are children here.” Kisame admonished, gesturing to Hidan.

“Yeah Deidara, what the fuck? Watch your goddamn mouth.”

The 3 friends bickered and joked some more, forgetting about the drama playing on the tv and focusing entirely on whether they should reply to Sakura. When it seemed like they were close to a consensus, Hidan’s phone chimed. Thinking it was Sakura texting him again for some reason or another, he zeroed his attention back onto his device only to immediately freeze.

“It’s Konan.”

* * *

Monday 8AM

It was a chilly, slightly foggy morning and Hidan stood in the open doorway of his apartment. Everything was how he had left it Friday night. Kicking the door closed behind him, he made his way into the center of the room, hands on his hips and a scowl on his face. Konan’s folded scarf laid neatly on his couch, the glass of water he had given her remained on the coffee table, marked by her lipstick. Before this weekend’s events, Hidan wouldn’t have minded these little remnants of her nestled into his home like they always belonged there, but seeing them now only frustrated him.

 _Can I come over tomorrow and get my things_?

After reading the text aloud back at Deidara’s, Hidan exuded, ‘ _don’t talk to me, I’m about to McFucking lose it’_ vibes. The other two men wisely dropped the subject and continued, somewhat awkwardly, watching Grey’s Anatomy... until Hidan abruptly suggested they all get drunk.

Slightly hungover, but mostly irritated, Hidan snatched a reusable bag that his roommate always harped on about using, more about saving money than saving the environment, and began searching for anything Konan related. He began with yanking her shirts that mingled with his in his drawers, then a pair of heels, then jewelry, toiletries, and other little nick-knacks scattered about. Everything smelled like her _—_ it was becoming overwhelming.

With one last sweeping glance across the room, Hidan confirmed that everything in sight was Konan free. If he happened to come across any remaining shit, he’d just throw it away _—_ he only wanted to do this once. His phone chimed, however, he ignored it and instead walked straight to the door with the bag. There was no need to check his phone, he already knew who it was.

“Hello, Hidan.” Konan greeted him in her sweet even tone once he opened the door. She still looked as beautiful as ever.

Hidan didn’t think a greeting was needed, but nodded his head anyways, because ignoring her felt too rude. He brought the bag up between them which Konan took after a moment of staring at it.

“... Thank you.” She said softly, looking down at the contents. “...Is this one of Kakuzu’s bags?” she then asked.

Logically, Hidan knew there was no reason why that should matter and that it most likely was just a weak attempt at starting some type of conversation between them when in reality, they didn’t need to talk at all. Still, he found himself replying anyways. “Yeah, he’ll probably throw a bitch fit once he realizes it’s missing.”

“I’ll return it.” She responded quickly, earnestly. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Hidan gave her an unsure look. “If that’s alright with you.” She added.

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“...Okay.”

They stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do next. In his head, Hidan thought once he handed off her shit, he’d close the door and be done with it, but he found himself lingering when he shouldn’t, prolonging what was bound to be the last intimate interaction between them.

“Hidan _—_ ”

“Oh, wait, there’s one more thing I forgot to grab.” Hidan turned and took a step before stopping. With a glance over his shoulder, he quickly debated whether or not to invite her in. Realizing it was probably unnecessary and would do nothing but drag out this agonizing moment, he found he couldn’t help himself. “You can… come in, if you want.”

The silky black scarf sat untouched on his couch. Konan’s heels clicked softly behind him as he made his way to grab it.

“You’re scarf. You left it when you left…” _—_ _to Nagato’s._

“Hidan.” Konan stepped beside him, placing her hand gently on top of his instead of just taking the article of clothing like he had hoped. “I was wondering if we could talk… about what happened.”

“What is there to talk about, Konan?” Hidan didn’t bother stopping the bitterness from seeping into his voice. He moved his hand away.

Konan looked at him with sad eyes. “I know you’re upset, and I know I have no place to say I’m sorry, but _I am.”_

“Sorry isn’t gonna make anyone but yourself feel better.”

“I’m not trying to make myself feel better, I’m genuinely sorry! What happened at Nagato’s wasn’t what _—_ ”

“Wasn’t what? Wasn’t what it seemed? Wasn’t what I _saw_?”

“No, that’s not what _—_ ”

“I _saw_ you in his arms, I saw you fucking _kissing_ him! Are you telling me that what I saw didn’t fucking happen?”

“Hidan…”

“No, Konan, I…” He took a half step back, as if the distance would remove him further from this situation entirely. He regretted inviting her in. “I don’t wanna fucking do this.”

“This is closure for us.” Konan insisted.

“You’ve already moved on, there is no closure.” He snapped. Suddenly he thought of Sakura, of the stupid plan, of how he might regret this all but…. “And I… I’ve moved on too.”

Recognition shone in Konan’s eyes, but she said nothing about Sakura. Gloomy tension hung thick between them and Hidan wished he hadn’t forgotten the scarf. That Konan wasn’t standing right next to him with her perfume which he used to love, now choking him instead. He wished she hadn’t cheated in the first place.

“Okay,” she slowly reached her hand towards his, brushing her fingers against his white knuckled fist, making him loosen it enough to let the scarf slip through. “Okay, Hidan.”

Hidan didn’t move when she took a step back, he didn’t move when her heels tapped towards the door, and he didn’t move even after she left. He stood still, basking in the realization that it was truly over.

* * *

5:45PM

The front door slamming shut jolted Hidan awake. After Konan’s departure the frustration, sadness, and hangover all called for more alcohol in his system. The burning liquid was a welcome momentary distraction, but it still couldn’t stop the memories he’d rather forget from playing on an endless loop. As tempting as getting blacked out drunk sounded, Hidan didn’t like drinking alone, so he flopped onto his bed and fell into a heavy sleep.

“Did you not hear me ringing the doorbell, shithead?” His roommate's voice called out.

Absorbing his surroundings and remembering where he was, Hidan laid back down. “I was sleeping.”

“It’s noon.” Kakuzu’s voice said, now from his doorway. Hidan didn’t bother looking at him.

“I was extra tired.”

“You smell like shit.”

“Is this how you greet me after not seeing me for almost a week? Can’t you see I’m fucking _sad_?"

Kakuzu grunted. “Is that why you reek of alcohol?”

Hidan finally got up, leaning on his elbow and squinting at his roommate in what he hoped was a look that properly conveyed his displeasure at being awakened from the only reprieve from his fucking emotions. “Konan and I broke up. She cheated on me with Nagato.”

“Oh shit.”

“And I also hit someone with my car.”

“ _W_ _hat?”_

“Yeah, it’s been a crazy fucking weekend.” Hidan flopped back down, tossing his arm over his eyes.

“Are you going to elaborate?” Kakuzu stood with his arms crossed and an annoyed look on his face, not that Hidan could see, while the silver haired man told him everything that had transpired since Friday night.

“I leave for a weekend and you get yourself into a world of shit.” Kakuzu sighed. “At least you’re not getting sued. Although I don't think being blackmailed is any better.”

“You’re telling me.” Hidan snorted. “Oh yeah, and if you find any of Konan’s shit around just throw it out. I really don’t wanna deal with her again.” He paused, opening his eyes finally and staring at the wall. “I wanna start moving on.”

“You’re being blackmailed into making Nagato jealous.” Kakuzu shook his head. “That means you’ll be seeing her with him. How is that going to help you move on? It’ll just make you feel more like shit.”

“Don’t come here with your big fucking brain and start making sense.”

“Whatever. Don’t come home drunk, crying to me when you realize I’m right.”

“I feel like shit.”

“You look like shit.”

“Fuck you.”

“Get up and shower, you’ll feel better.”

Kakuzu left and Hidan laid back down, staring at his ceiling and reluctantly mulling over his roommate’s words. While he wanted to move on from Konan, it was going to prove difficult now that he had to continue seeing her. Albeit it wouldn’t be all the time, but Hidan knew seeing her with Nagato would be like putting salt in the wound. It was easy to convince himself when talking to Sakura that this plan could be interesting _—_ fun even, but now he had to consider how this might prolong him from moving on. Seeing Nagato mad, irritated, annoyed, or _whatever_ , over Sakura and him was enticing but… Konan.

“This sucks.” He muttered before finally getting up to shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna end it after Sakura and Sasuke's scene but I kept feeling like nothing happened this chapter to move the story forward, so I had Konan make her appearance now rather than next chapter. Speaking of the next chapter, most of it is written, seeing as I couldn't find a place to end this one, I just kept writing. I'm still finishing up the last scene and then it'll be editing time, so keep a look out for a quick update soon! Anyways, as usual, if you see any mistakes, don't be afraid to point 'em out! I only go back and reread before I post a new chapter and I'm always finding mistakes and I'm like HOW did I miss that! Lol besides that, I hope you enjoyed, leave a review if you like, and I'll see you next time!


	8. The One Where They Try To Date Crash And Fail... Twice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems like every new chapter I'm posting just gets longer and longer. Granted there's a lot of dialog but still. Enjoy 25 pages of some more nonsense.

Friday 1:17PM

A relatively quiet, boring, week passed by in comparison to the whiplash that was the Weekend of Chaos, as Sakura was now calling it. A full week without checking up on Nagato or sending Hidan another text left her with nothing to do but to continue dodging Naruto’s calls and venting more to Sasuke.

Over sharing the fruit from her edible arrangement, Sakura ended up agreeing when Sasuke proposed the idea that she take some time to process everything that was happening before going through with the plans. Although she assured him that she was fine and would continue to be fine, the moment she randomly burst into tears while eating cereal Wednesday morning showed exactly how ‘fine’ she was, but nevertheless, she was determined. Nothing was going to stop her plans.

Another text chimed but Sakura didn’t bother reading it, already aware it was Naruto being his perfect, caring self, and checking up on her for the billionth time. During her venting sessions, Sasuke, ever the responsible one, chided that she should stop avoiding the blonde and just tell him what happened despite her plethora of excuses. 

“I’m busy studying, I can’t text.”  
  
“It’s winter break Sakura, and you’re on the phone with me right now, you can send him a text.”  
  
“Medicine never sleeps, gotta go.” 

Granted, she wasn’t completely ignoring his texts, but she was avoiding having any prolonged conversation.

Despite everything that happened concerning the end of her relationship and Nagato’s infidelity, she still couldn’t help but feel a smidge of guilt. It weighed heavily on her mind that by telling Naruto what happened between her and Nagato, it would undoubtedly cause a rift within the cousin’s relationship.

Unfortunately, with the new development that was Hidan, her hand was being forced. Either she would have to tell Naruto herself and _soon_ , or run the risk of him finding out from her ex. She would like to think Nagato was above twisting the truth of their breakup, but after recently seeing all of his true colors, she doubted it. 

Taking a deep breath she grabbed her phone, quickly scanning through the texts. _I’ll tell him tomorrow… probably. I don’t want him finding out before I get a chance to tell him and he gets pissed off on my behalf._ Mindlessly she opened Instagram and immediately noticed the first story at the top of the page.

Nagato’s.  
  
 _Sasuke said a week and technically it’s almost been…._ She hovered unsure, almost hearing Sasuke’s voice in her mind telling her to still wait, nevertheless she clicked the circle. Posted 27 minutes ago at a local park, his shadow’s silhouette along with a more feminine figure’s shadow laid across the grass. 

In the corner, a heart emoji and a purple flower. That was all she needed to know.

* * *

1:21PM

_Meet me at nara park in 15! Its go timeeee!_

* * *

** _New group chat created_ **

_We dem boiz: Hidan Kisame Deidara Itachi Kakuzu_

_Hidan: Alright u fuckers are the only ones who know about Sakura so youre stuck listening to me FREAK OUT CUZ SHE JUST TEXTED ME!!!!!_

_Kakazu: How do I leave this?_

_Kisame: where yall going on your first date *kiss emoji*_

_Hidan: -image attachment-_

_Deidara: NARA PARK?!?_

_Kisame: say hi to kevin for me_

_Itachi: Who is Kevin?_

* * *

Hidan walked slowly down the trail that circled the perimeter of Nara Park. Big oak and pine trees lined the path randomly, birds chirped within their branches and with every step he took the leaves crunched satisfyingly under his foot. It was a nice park, definitely had a different ambiance in the daytime, especially since he wasn’t breaking any laws this time. Last time he was here, it was to bury his best bud in the whole world by some random tree in the dead of night. 

A cloud passed over the sun, casting everything in it’s shadow and giving Hidan a little chill. He looked up. Ominous grey clouds loomed in the distant. It was supposed to rain later tonight. Konan loved the rain. 

He froze. Holy shit, he never told Sakura about Konan!

“I hope you don’t have that scary look on your face because you’re meeting up with me?” A playful voice greeted, drawing Hidan’s attention back. Sakura sat on one of the stone benches set aside for resting. She gave a small wave.

“I didn’t see you there.” He said after a moment, stepping up to the bench. 

“I noticed, since you were staring deeply off into the abyss.” She patted the space beside her. 

“How long were you here waiting?” He asked, taking a seat.

“Not too long, just a few minutes.” She answered vaguely, immediately showing him her phone. “But anyways, take a look at this.”

Hidan watched her play Nagato’s story. If he didn’t already know what he was looking at, he would’ve just seen indistinguishable shadows against random grass at some random fucking location. Unfortunately, he didn’t have the luxury of acting like he didn’t know exactly what he was looking at. 

“He posted that almost 40 minutes ago.” Even without her telling him, Hidan already knew, having already soaked in every detail presented in the story despite trying to resist.

“Well shit, now that we’re actually doing this, I really am beginning to feel like a damn stalker.” He muttered.

“Consider it more like detective work.” She dismissed with a quirk of her lips.

Hidan stared at her. “You sure do have a roundabout way of seeing things.”

She smirked, tucking the phone back into her pocket. “It’s always nice to see things from a different perspective, isn’t it? But enough chit-chat, we should probably start looking for them.”

“Pfft, yeah, different perspective.” Hidan rolled his eyes. “Do you even know where they are?” He tried nonchalantly looking around, as if Konan and Nagato would materialize near them any second.

Sakura shook her head. “No, but they’re probably further down the trail. I’ve been here a few times before and there’s a nice little thicket of trees Nagato likes that this path goes through. So let’s keep our distance and act like we don’t know they’re there.”

“That sounds a lot fucking easier said than done.”

“Well, we won’t know til we try, will we? So c'mon.” Sakura hopped up from the bench and outstretched her hand to Hidan, who blinked. She tilted her head, wiggling her fingers expectantly. “What? Don’t know how to hold hands?”

“I know how to hold hands.” Hidan bristled, standing up and attempting to discreetly swipe his sweaty palms against his pants. This was normal. Being nervous about holding a pretty girl’s hand was normal. Holding a pretty girl’s hand to make their exes jealous, not so normal. 

Hidan placed his hand atop Sakura’s _—_ her fingers sliding easily through his. She gave him a gentle squeeze to get his stiff hold to relax. “Don’t be nervous.” She comforted, giving him a small smile.

“I’m not nervous _—_ what would I have to be nervous about?” He sniffed, looking away.

A few minutes into walking, Hidan began looking back and forth between the trees on other sides of the path. “Wait a second…” He murmured, coming to an abrupt stop, effectively halting Sakura as well.

“What’s up?” She asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.  
  
“This is looking familiar… holy fuck.” His magenta eyes widened in recognition. “Kevin is buried there!” He quickly slipped his hand out of Sakura’s and sprinted to an old oak tree off the path. It was tall and wide, it’s branches arching prettily outward.  
  
“Who is Kevin? And why is he buried at the park?” Sakura asked, slowly approaching.  
  
“Look!” Hidan instructed, breathless. He pointed to a faded carving in the bark which Sakura had to reluctantly get closer to read.

“Here lies the baddest bitch around. RIP in peace, Kevin.” She read aloud. “You put RIP in peace, Hidan.”  
  
“And I hope that bitch _is_ resting in peace. Literally the best fucking dog I ever had, even if he was the _only_ dog I ever had.” Hidan wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye.

“Is it even legal to bury your dog at a park?”

“I don’t know Sakura, is it legal to blackmail someone?”  
  
“Is it legal to hit someone with your car?”  
  
“... In certain instances I believe so.”  
  
Sakura gave him an unimpressed look. “Let’s go.”

“Wait, let me pay my respects to Kevin.” Hidan closed his eyes and clapped his hands together, praying. “Hope you’re having a fucking good time up there in the clouds Kevin, catching frisbees and fucking bitches. Miss you, even if you did bury my favorite shoes in the backyard.” He kissed his fist and pressed it to the tree.

Sakura watched the whole display with an amused expression. This guy was certainly a character. She took a step forward, standing next to Hidan who watched her place her own hand on the tree and close her eyes. “It was nice meeting you, Kevin.” She said with a respectful nod.

A huff of laughter made Sakura peek one eye open to glance at Hidan, who was obviously pleased. “Don’t make fun of me, I’m just paying my respects, like you.”  
  
“I’m definitely not making fun of you.” Hidan grinned, feeling some of his nerves melt away. He never told anyone about where he buried Kevin until recently, not even Konan knew _—_

_Konan._

The change in his expression must’ve been obvious, because Sakura turned her attention fully to him, silently inquiring about the abrupt mood change. Hidan swallowed. Bringing up Konan might be the best thing to do before they ran into them, but if he was honest with himself, he was now feeling somewhat apprehensive. He realized that even if he barely knew Sakura, he didn’t want to make her upset. Not because she was a five foot force of vindication, but because she clearly had already been through enough and keeping this from her could somehow hurt her further. 

Nagato kept his true feelings for Konan hidden throughout their relationship. Hidan was starting to think he was doing the same in a roundabout way. He wasn’t cheating, Sakura definitely wasn’t his girlfriend and neither was Konan, but it still somehow felt wrong. He didn’t want Sakura to think of him as a liar.

“Hey, so I have something I needa tell you.” Hidan began, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Sakura took a step back from the tree, nodding. He studied her face for a moment, noting that she was keeping her expression guarded, which made sense. They _were_ still strangers after all. He opened his mouth, intent on finally telling Sakura, until her eyes flickered past him. widening in surprise. His back bumped into the rough bark of the tree as Sakura pushed their bodies together, his hands coming up to hold her right above the hips.

“Shit, they’re here!” She whispered, clutching the front of his shirt nervously.

“Who?” The pressure of her small body pressing into him was making his brain short circuit.  
  
“Who else are we here for! Definitely not Kevin.” She peeked past the safety of the tree before snapping back and looking up at him. “ _Nagato and his new girlfriend._ " _  
__  
_Everything seemed to slow down before speeding up at an alarming rate. _Oh, this was happening. This was happening NOW._ Hidan clutched her hips and twirled them as close as possible against the tree. Sakura let out a small gasp before grumbling a disgruntled _ow_ _._  
  
“Sorry.” Hidan grimaced before leaning a little to the side to take a peek for himself.

Konan and Nagato stood a little ways away from where they hid none too discreetly behind the tree. Nagato was chattering happily to Konan who had a small smile on her face, nodding occasionally to whatever the red-head was speaking about.

Kakuzu was right. This did fucking suck.

“Okay, how should we do this?” Sakura asked, but it seemed more like a question for herself rather than needing an answer from him.

“You didn’t think of a fucking plan before coming here?” Hidan whispered. Their exes were well out of earshot, but he still felt like he had to be discreet.

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m very impulsive. My chaoticness may only be rivaled by you at this point, so c’mon help me think.”

“Jesus, fuck okay, hm, well we could just walk by them. Holding hands and looking absolutely perfect and hot and unattainable.” Hidan proposed, reaching up and unlatching one of her hands from his shirt.

“Hmm okay, yes, not bad at all. I’m glad you got a brain in that head instead of, well—nothing.”

Hidan gave Sakura a leveled look. “I don’t think insulting me at this very moment is making me feel any more inclined to continue this fucking charade.”

“And yet here you are, holding my hand still.” Sakura slyly smirked, wiggling her fingers in between his.

Hidan glared, attempting to remove his hand from her surprisingly iron grip. “What the fuck, why are you so strong! Unhand me woman.”

Sakura loosened her fingers. She gave their hands a little shake. “My grip is so loose, you’re being dramatic.”

“Yeah, _now_ it’s loose you fucking brute. I’m delicate, Sakura.”

“Delicate? Really?” 

“Yes! I’ll have you know I read poetry quite often.”

“How does poetry have any correlation to delicacy?”

“Don’t people cry when reading poems?”

With a roll of her eyes, Sakura let go of his hand completely. “We are not gonna stand here and debate your delicacy when we have a job to do.”

“Oh yeah, a job that you have no plan for.” Hidan snorted. Sakura wiggled against him in frustration, whispering back that she _did_ have a plan, she just had to remember it, but it fell against deaf ears. It may have looked to Sakura that Hidan had closed his eyes to find some semblance of sanity or just to ignore her, but in actuality, he was suffering in his own personal little hell.  
  
Not only was his ex currently standing 50 feet away with the guy he wanted to pummel into the ground, but Sakura was glaring up at him with a hot fiery expression _while wiggling her body against his._  
  
 _She cannot be this fucking dense_. Hidan thought miserably. He opened his eyes to peek again at Konan and Nagato, just to give himself something else to concentrate on. Thankfully Sakura stopped squirming and also turned to take a quick peek.

“Shit! They’re walking this way!” She hissed, tugging Hidan back.

Hidan let out a grunt as their bodies bumped into each other again. It was like Sakura was trying to disappear into the tree trunk and take him with her. He looked down at her pink hair as she kept taking little peeks at the unsuspecting couple coming closer. Hidan closed his eyes, trying hard not to think of anything but the soft body pressing against his.

“How’s that plan coming along, we’re gonna need one pretty damn soon.” Hidan said, trying to take one more peek, but Sakura moved her hands to his cheeks and halted his head.

“Don’t peek! They’ll see you!” She quietly warned. “They’re getting pretty close.”

He glared. “If they didn’t see your pink fucking head peeking, they’re not gonna see me either.” Hidan leaned a little to the side to look past the tree. Nagato and Konan were a lot closer than he thought which quickly snapped him back into hiding. Luckily the couple were busy looking at each other as they walked down the trail in their direction, still talking, which could now be heard more clearly.

“So you wanna go to Ichiraku’s later tonight? It’s gonna be raining so ramen sounds pretty good and my cousin is always raving about it.”

“He’s talking about Ichiraku’s like he’s never been there before! How can he have been friends with her for this long and never taken her Ichiraku’s? Ugh, doesn’t make sense.” Sakura groaned, leaning her head back against the tree with a roll of her eyes.

“That’s irrelevant right now, they’re literally about to walk up on us and we’re gonna be standing here like dumbasses if we don’t think of _something_.” Hidan pressed, trying to take a step back but Sakura grabbed onto his sleeves, effectively keeping him in place.

A few more seconds and Hidan would be able to see them in his peripheral before completely coming into view. He had no doubt it was going to be awkward and not at all like how Sakura wanted their first interaction to go.

“I… I don’t know!” Sakura looked up at him, fear and anxiety shone bright in her eyes. It surprised Hidan that she was so nervous and unprepared for the very situation she planned this whole charade for. They would have had to undoubtedly run into their exes eventually or else what was the whole point of this blackmailing situation. 

It clicked in his head that she might’ve bitten off more than she could chew with this being their first confrontation with Nagato since their breakup. The feeling of needing to protect her from an unfavorable outcome washed over him. Hidan may outwardly act abrasive and have foul language, but he wasn’t a complete asshole. He wasn’t going to let Sakura turn into a puddle of distress, even if she _was_ blackmailing him, but they couldn’t run away now, they’d draw more attention to themselves that way. Hidan raked his brain, the next best thing besides running was to look as inconspicuous as possible. What did couples do that most people avoided looking at?

“Fuck,” He cursed, coming to a conclusion. He looked down to Sakura with grim determination. “I know you said we didn’t have to do this and I don’t even wanna do this in the first place but…” Sakura’s eyes widened as Hidan braced his arm against the tree next to her head and gently lifted her face with his other hand. Her own hands hovered uncertainly in the air where they had once tightly clutched his sleeves.

As he leaned forward, the sickening flutter of butterflies appeared in his gut. The same dread he felt when seeing Konan earlier returned tenfold. Everything was happening so fast, but also felt tortuously slow. He lowered his eyes, trying to focus entirely on her parted lips and not dwell on the actual action he was committing to.

He really hoped she wouldn’t notice his hands slightly shaking, he usually wasn’t this nervous about these things, but he didn’t know Sakura in that sense. He only knew Blackmailing Sakura, and he wasn’t supposed to be kissing her, he only ever kissed people he was dating.

He closed his eyes completely. He’d apologize after.

“What the fuck are you doing.” Sakura’s hiss cut through his mind like a knife. Her hands that were frozen by his sides shot up to cover his mouth.

Hidan’s eyes snapped open just as his lips pressed themselves firmly onto her palm. He jerked his head back, embarrassed. “Kissing you!” He answered, as if it couldn’t be any more apparent.

Sakura slowly brought her hands back down to his chest and pushed slightly, putting a few inches of space between them, but still keeping him close. “I can _see_ that, but _why_?” 

“People don’t like looking at a couple's PDA so I thought, since you were clearly freaking out about Nagato making his way over, that I’d… kiss you…” Hidan grumbled, looking away as he trailed off.

“That is the dumbest thing I think I’ve ever heard and I hate that you’re kinda right.” Sakura grudgingly acknowledged. She gave his chest a light slap. “Next time at least warn me before you just decide to do it!”

Hidan let out an exasperated sigh, ruffling his hair in frustration. “I wouldn’t have had to do that at all if you came with a fucking plan.”

“I didn’t see you helping me come up with one.” She retorted hotly.  
  
“Oh, _now_ you’re letting the sex slave have a say?”  
  
“It’s amazing how you instantly make me regret not kneeing you in the groin for trying to kiss me.” Sakura deadpanned. “Well, I have to give credit where credit is due. They already passed us.” She inclined her head slightly in the direction behind him.

Hidan turned to see Konan and Nagato further down the path. “Wha… Fuck, they really didn’t see us then. Didn’t think my idea would actually work.”

“A bit anticlimactic for our first interaction huh.” Sakura mused aloud, also looking at the couple.

“I don’t know what you were expecting, considering you were literally freaking the fuck out.”

“I was not freaking out. I totally had a plan.”

“Yeah, saying _I don’t know_ isn’t a plan.”

“You distracted me by trying to kiss me!”

“No, you can’t blame me for this one. Just admit this ain’t gonna be as easy as you’d thought it’d be, miss schemer.”

“It’ll be _so_ easy.” Sakura huffed, pushing Hidan to arm’s length and dusting imaginary dust off the front of her shirt. “And I’ll show you just _how_ easy it could be. Tonight. At Ichiraku’s.”

Hidan snorted. “Yeah, sure, sure.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and took another step back, intent on returning to the trail, but stopped. Sakura walked past his paused form before turning to give him a curious look. 

“Hidan?”

“Hey, I’m uh… I’m sorry about trying to kiss you... by the way.” 

Sakura stared at Hidan with a look he couldn’t quite decipher before sighing and changing her expression into something more fond.

“I’m starting to like you more and more Hidan. C’mon let’s get outta here.”

“Does this mean I get some points?”  
  
“Hmmm… like seven.”  
  
“I deserve at least fifteen.”  
  
“Four.”  
  
“What the fuck.”

* * *

3PM

Before parting ways at the park, Sakura informed Hidan that she was serious about meeting up at the ramen place they overheard Nagato talking about. She went on to elaborate that while the place was open for lunch, they closed around 5 to prepare for the dinner rush when they reopened at 7. She texted him the address, and said meeting around 8:45 was probably a good time to go, since the place closed at midnight so it’d be impossible to miss Nagato. Hidan had eyed her critically, and reminded her to come with a plan this time, which she huffed at before heading home.  
  
Upon returning to his apartment, Hidan was met with an intense glare from his roommate.  
  
“Where were you?”  
  
“What are you, my fucking mother?”  
  
“With the girl I’m assuming?”  
  
“...” There was no point in denying it. Kakuzu had developed a 6th sense when it came to Hidan making bad decisions.  
  
“You’re a fucking idiot.” Was all he said before disappearing into his room.  
  
Hidan stomped to his own room, shutting the door and throwing his body onto the bed. He _was_ an idiot. This whole deal _was_ dumb. Seeing Konan with that fucker sucked, but it was to be expected. What else was he supposed to feel when he saw her laughing with Nagato and looking unaffected by their breakup. And then there was the matter of almost _kissing_ Sakura to help get her out of a situation that she initiated.  
  
There was no reason why he would need to kiss her, but it was the first thing that came to mind. Her reaction was more tame, thankfully, but that didn’t stop Hidan from berating himself for even _thinking_ of doing it.  
  
But very briefly, a little voice in the back of his mind wondered how that kiss might’ve felt.  
  
Hidan groaned, burying his face into his sheets, intent on passing out until summoned for some more blackmailing fuckery, so he wouldn’t be tormented by thoughts of Konan _or_ Sakura.

* * *

8:47PM

Once Hidan received the text from Sakura stating that she was now on her way to Ichiraku’s and to meet her there, he promptly rushed out his place, ready to get it over with. In his haste, he forgot that the forecast called for rain that night, and 5 minutes into the walk, sparse raindrops started to fall randomly before turning into a light drizzle. 

Luckily Ichiraku’s was not too far from his place. It was a quiet, little hole in the wall ramen shop located right in the middle of his apartment and Deidara’s place, which meant Sakura would arrive any minute. Shaking his head free from his slightly damp hoodie, he pulled his phone out to check the time and to see if he had any missed texts from Sakura. The awning over the entrance of the shop provided little coverage from the steadily increasing rainfall, so with one last look down the path leading to the restaurant, Hidan turned into the entrance, quickly sending a text that he’d meet her inside.

Upon entering, Hidan was met with a blast of warm air and a loud, boisterous greeting from the chef behind the ramen bar. Unable to help himself, he quickly scanned the restaurant for blue hair. Then red. 

Besides 2 other couples seated at the bar stools, Konan and Nagato were nowhere to be seen. Hidan figured maybe they hadn’t arrived yet and inwardly sighed his relief. He’d rather be here before them to avoid feeling like they were being watched.  
  
After nodding back to the chef, Hidan beelined over to one of the tables set against the wall opposite to the bar. A young girl hurried through the cloth curtains covering the door to the kitchen with a cup of water in one hand and the menu in the other, making her way towards him.  
  
“Uh, excuse me, could I actually have another water? I’m waiting for an _—_ um… colleague.” Hidan said, unsure of whether to call Sakura a friend or something else, but then stopped to wonder _why_ that even mattered in the first place. The girl nodded and strode back into the kitchen.  
  
The chef’s loud greeting made Hidan twitch. His back was to the entrance on purpose so if Konan and Nagato _did_ show up, he wouldn’t accidentally look up and stare into their souls. 

“Hey, sorry I’m late.” Sakura greeted, breathless. He noticed her cheeks and nose were slightly pink from the cold outside when she slid into the seat across from him. She shrugged out of her black coat and placed it on the back of the chair next to her before placing her slightly wet umbrella on the seat.

“Don’t be sorry be careful.” Hidan sniffed, pulling up the menu. “You just missed them, they left and I was here all by my lonesome and it was fucking _awkward_ , Sakura.”

“What! No way.” Sakura quickly scanned the restaurant as if she'd find evidence that Nagato was here and left.  
  
“Nah, I’m just fucking with you.” He smirked, handing the menu over, which she snatched with a glare.  
  
“Not funny, sex slave.” The waiter chose this moment to return with the extra glass of water. Her eyes wide and cheeks pink, she quickly bowed and hurried to the back.  
  
Sakura glared over the menu at Hidan, who covered his mouth in a fake cough to disguise his laughter.  
  
“She’s gonna think you’re really a sex slave!” She whispered, nudging Hidan’s leg under the table.  
  
“And not just any sex slave, _your_ sex slave.” Hidan placed his face into his hands for another round of poorly suppressed giggles.  
  
“This is the worst date I’ve ever been on and it’s only been 3 minutes.”  
  
“An achievement I wear like a badge of honor.” He grinned at her, wiping the tears of amusement away.

The waitress returned a few minutes later, taking their orders while avoiding direct eye contact with either of them. Sakura tried conveying to the waitress that Hidan was her boyfriend by constantly calling him babe, which he took every opportunity to giggle at, much to her annoyance.  
  
“I’m never going to be able to eat here again.” Sakura grumbled.  
  
“Aw, _babe_ , don’t be like that. The worst thing she could think of is the wild, passionate, animalistic sex we’re gonna have later.”  
  
“ANYWAYS, we’re changing the subject now.”  
  
“Yes, mistress.”

“Oh my god.”  
  
At the loud greeting of the chef, Hidan watched Sakura look past him at the entrance. Her eyebrows slightly furrowed and he thought, _this is it._ _  
__  
_“It’s not them.” She sighed. Hidan couldn’t tell if it was a sigh of disappointment or relief. He unfurled his fists under the table. It was almost odd how he felt more nervous at the possibility of them being here than when they almost bumped into each other at the park. Maybe it was the confined space, maybe it was because if they came, there was going to be nowhere to run this time.  
  
“Do you have a plan this time? Or are you just gonna freak the fuck out again.”  
  
“I do have a plan, you’ll just have to follow my lead.”  
  
“That’s extremely unhelpful.”  
  
“Just look like you’re head over heels for me.”  
  
Hidan saw the waitress appear from the back carrying a tray filled with their order. He smirked with a nonchalant shrug. “You can just mention how I’m your sex slave again.”  
  
The waitress appeared right as Sakura opened her mouth to retort. “Here’s your food, enjoy.” She quietly said, placing their bowls on the table and once again, hurrying to the back.  
  
“You did that on purpose!” Sakura hissed, leaning forward.  
  
Hidan shrugged, sliding his bowl in front of him. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but if I _did,_ one may consider it a small payback due to blackmailing. But alas, who fucking knows.”  
  
“You hit me with your _car._ I don’t think you’re in any need of ‘payback’.” Sakura held her hands up in quotations around payback. With all the chaos from today, Hidan almost forgot that was how this all started.  
  
He paused in the middle of tasting the ramen’s broth. Sakura gave him a questioning look as he lowered his hand, placing the _chirirenge_ back into the bowl. “Oh that’s right, I have something to tell you.” _  
_

“What?”  
  
Hidan wasn’t sure what reaction Sakura would have to finding out Konan was his ex. Making her upset was the last thing he wanted to do because he really felt like they were in the exact same boat when it came to the hurt they received from their exes betrayal. But she could be upset by how long it took him to tell her, although he couldn’t see how she could rationally be angry about that. He didn’t think she would get jealous either.  
  
“I wanted to tell you earlier, but some other shit always kept coming up. And I _—_ uh… well, you know how Nagato and I don’t get along, right?” Hidan prompted, watching Sakura’s expression carefully.  
  
She nodded slowly. “Yes.”  
  
“Well, there’s a reason for that, obviously.” Hidan moved his hands under the table, wiping them against his jeans. “It’s because Konan is _my_ ex.”  
  
The clattering of the kitchen utensils along with the hushed conversations of the other patrons, mixed with the hissing of freshly cooked food, felt amplified in the silence hanging between them. Sakura stared at Hidan with an emotion he couldn’t quite understand, or maybe he didn’t want to understand. Her eyebrows were furrowed slightly and her fingers loosely held her chopsticks that laid against the edge of her bowl.  
  
“I really wanted to tell you earlier!” Hidan pressed. Whoever knew him, knew he wasn’t a liar, but if someone didn’t believe him the first time around, he wouldn’t give two shits about their opinion of him. He had always kept his circle small and close and in the end, his friend’s opinions were the only one who mattered to him and they knew him best.  
  
So why was he feeling so adamant about making sure Sakura believed him? Once again he had to remind himself that they were still strangers. He didn’t even know what her favorite color was.  
  
“I… hmmm.” Sakura closed her eyes and sighed. Hidan’s hands curled into fists under the table, preparing for the worst, but certainly not expecting her to let out a little chuckle. She shook her head, and dipped her chopsticks back in her ramen, grabbing some noodles before finally speaking.  
  
“Well, that makes sense.”  
  
Hidan watched dumbfounded as she slurped her noodles. As if the admission he just agonized over was as simple as a comment on the rain outside.”That’s _it_?”  
  
Blowing on her noodles, Sakura looked at him through her lashes. “Did you expect something else?”  
  
“Well, yeah! Kinda!”  
  
Satisfied that her noodles were cool enough, Sakura slurped and chewed thoughtfully before speaking. “To be honest, I knew you were hiding something. Well, actually, I wouldn’t say hiding, but definitely withholding something from me. Obviously I never said Konan’s name, but I’m sure even without it, you knew who I was talking about the instant I mentioned Nagato.”  
  
Another greeting shout from the chef had Sakura looking past Hidan to the entrance, but she shook her head and continued. “It makes a lot of sense though. It explains why you and Nagato don’t like each other. Why he is so upset at the thought of us dating. And why you so easily agreed to all of this.”  
  
“I mean, I didn’t really have a choice regardless.” Hidan said.  
  
“Not true, I’m sure you knew you had some say in this plan. Without you, there wouldn’t even _be_ a plan.” Sakura pointed her chopsticks in his direction. “And I’m sure you knew that, but pissing off Nagato or even Konan was a promising prospect.” Her green eyes light up in recognition. “ _OH_ , so that’s why you posted that picture! So Konan would see!” Sakura grinned, clearly pleased with herself at connecting some of the missing dots.  
  
“Yeah, that was the original plan, but she didn’t even react to it.” Hidan said, rolling his eyes.  
  
Sakura chuckled. “Just think of it this way, if you hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be sitting here eating ramen.”  
  
“That’s supposed to be the bright side? I’m still getting blackmailed you know.” Hidan deadpanned, finally reaching for his spoon.  
  
Sakura laughed and reached over to pat his hand that rested by his bowl. “Oh don’t look too glum about it. Like I said before, we’re basically friends at this point.”

“I only know your name.” Hidan pulled his hand back from hers. “For all I know, this could be a very elaborate ploy to drug me and harvest my kidney. I don’t wanna wake up in a bathtub full of ice and a missing kidney, Sakura. It’d really dampen my fucking mood.”  
  
“I’m not going to harvest your organs.” Sakura laughed. “And you know where I live, so that’s another thing you know about me. Really, it’s _me_ who should be complaining about lack of personal information. I only know you’re a terrible driver and you sleep with jeans on. If that doesn’t scream serial killer to me…” She trailed off with a smug smirk.  
  
“I am actually an amazing driver _—_ passed my driver’s test on the first fucking try, thank you very much.”  
  
“And yet, you still ran someone over.”  
  
“It was dark and you were jaywalking and I was in _distress_." _  
__  
_“That doesn’t excuse anything.”  
  
“And what’s wrong with sleeping with pants on? I was fucking tired, it was a long weekend!”  
  
“Oh yeah, I’m gonna want all the details pertaining to the events of after getting hit by your car. My memory is a little fuzzy from you know, being unconscious and all. And sleeping in pants is a federal crime, it’s basically the most uncomfortable thing ever.”  
  
“Ask Kisame for details, I’m sure I was blacking out from sheer stress after the… incident. And wearing pants is fine, it’s like wearing sweats.”  
  
“Sweats and pants are two different materials therefore no, it is not the same thing. You’re probably someone who sleeps with their socks on too, huh.”  
  
“In the winter, my toes get cold!”  
  
“Ugh I knew it, serial killer.”

“Well since you apparently have me all figured out, how about you share some details of your perfect, non serial killer life.”  
  
“Fine, you eat, I’ll speak.”  
  
Hidan nodded, dipping his spoon into the broth and bringing it to his lips. He slipped slowly, letting the flavor wash over his taste buds.

“You look like you’re having quite the experience there.” Sakura commented, after taking a sip of water. She watched him trade the spoon for the chopsticks.  
  
“It’s good broth.” He shrugged.

“What’re you? A food snob?” She joked. 

“We’re not talking ‘bout me right now, we’re talking about you, remember?” Twirling his chopsticks to gather a large clump of noodles, Hidan shoved them in his mouth and effectively halting any further questions to him.

Sakura rolled her eyes with a little smile. “You’re gross.”

He shrugged again.  
  
“Where to begin _—_ like what do you even want to know? Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve been on a first date.” She admitted, mostly to herself until she realized Hidan had stopped chewing. “Uh--not that this is a real date or anything, it’s like a friend date. Two friend’s getting to know what the other friend likes.”  
  
Hidan slowly began chewing again, twirling more noodles.  
  
“I’m taking some courses to get into med school.” She began, idly pushing her noodles around. “They’re hard and sometimes I struggle but in the end it’ll be worth it. I’m super competitive, don’t challenge me to Mario Kart, I will obliterate you, but you may have a chance in Smash Bros _—_ ”  
  
“Nah, Kisame makes sure to pound us into the ground with every defeat in Smash, to make sure we never throw him off his throne. Mario Kart though is a different matter, I’ll fucking end you.” Hidan challenged.  
  
Sakura arched an eyebrow. “Oh really?”  
  
“Yes, _really_ . I’m the fucking best at Mario Kart, you don’t stand a chance.” He nodded matter of factly.  
  
“Who do you use?”  
  
“Shyguy.”  
  
“Bitch, I use him too.” She grumbled, crossing her arms.  
  
Hidan laughed at the annoyed look on her face. It was always nice finding someone who enjoyed Mario Kart as much as him. Konan was never really a fan of video games _—_

“Okay, fine, _look,_ ” Sakura said, drawing his attention back to her and away from thoughts of Konan. “I’ll let you use Shyguy, I don’t want you complaining when I beat you on your main.”  
  
“Oh?” Hidan mused. “And who’s your backup?”  
  
“Roy.” Sakura sniffed haughtily.  
  
“Roy? Really?”  
  
“I like his glasses. And he’s buff.” Sakura defended.  
  
“Bowser if buff too.”  
  
“Doesn’t have sunglasses.”  
  
“ _I'_ _m_ buff.”  
  
“You were complaining about how delicate you were earlier today and that was just _hand holding._ And besides, no glasses.” She placed her fingers around her eyes, forming glasses. Hidan glowered, before leaning back and placing his arm across the chair next to him, subtly flexing.  
  
“You’re not discreet at all.” Sakura giggled. “I look like I have more muscles than you.” She brought up her own arm and flexed.  
  
“You can’t even see if there’s any muscles there, you’re wearing a fucking long sleeve.” He pointed out with a sweep of his hand.  
  
“Look, feel!” Sakura leaned forward, grabbing his hand and placing it on her bicep and flexing.  
  
Hidan blinked, taken aback by the actual muscle there but composed himself. “It feels like a wet noodle.”  
  
Laughing, Sakura leaned back into her chair. “Uh-huh, sure.”  
  
“Anyways,” Hidan said, returning back to his food. “Continue.”

“What else is there? Hm, I like sweets. Right now I’ve been on a melona ice cream craze. It’s really good!”  
  
Hidan gave Sakura a look. “It’s _okay.”_ _  
_

“I didn’t ask for bad opinions, moving on. My favorite color is red, like a deep red. I’m right handed. I’m not a fan of really spicy food. I like going to the beach at night. I’m exceptionally good at beer pong, and that’s not just my competitive side talking. And oh, this one’s new, I can apparently survive getting hit by a car and blackmailing the driver into being my boyfriend.”  
  
“You say that as if you flew off my windshield or I drove over you like a speed bump. It was the equivalent of a fucking love tap if anything.”  
  
“I’m not sure what type of love taps you’ve been getting…” Sakura mumbled into her water.  
  
A few more customers came into the restaurant, but none of them were the ones they were waiting for. However, with each new person, Hidan’s shoulders tensed less and less until he stopped reacting all together, too absorbed in the conversation with Sakura. The previous thoughts that plagued him involving Konan, this whole charade, and the possible kiss seemed to melt away from his mind the more they talked. It wasn’t until she checked her phone after they had both finished their meal and explained they probably weren’t coming, that Hidan realized he actually completely forgot this was fake. He was actually enjoying himself. A lot.  
  
It kind of felt like a real date.  
  
Learning random tidbits about Sakura made her feel more and more like a real person, not just some girl Nagato dated or someone who was blackmailing him. Hidan found he was actually enjoying her company and not just admiring her pretty face. He frowned slightly. He’d have to watch himself more carefully around her. If he started to get too comfortable… 

“Are you disappointed they didn’t show?” Hidan asked, curbing his thoughts back to the matter at hand.  
  
“Yes and no.” She answered, placing some bills on the table. “I was more mentally prepared this time, but I’m not gonna lie, I was quite on edge for the first couple of people coming in.” She shrugged her coat on and placed her now dry umbrella on her lap. “Eventually though, I kinda forgot that I was waiting for them.”  
  
Surprised by her admittance, Hidan caught himself about to say he felt the same. Instead, he cleared his throat and busied himself by shrugging his own coat on before standing up. “It’s because I’m very charming, you can’t help but be distracted by me.” He smirked, offering his hand to Sakura before realizing how unnecessary the action was.  
  
She took his hand anyway.  
  
“Oh yes, _soo_ charming. Charmed my socks right off when you stuffed your face full of noodles.”  
  
The chef bid them a good night before they stepped out the door and huddled underneath the awning. 

“It’s still raining.” Sakura muttered, looking up at the sky and then to the ground.  
  
“You don’t say.” Hidan sarcastically drawled, lifting his hood up and pulling the strings tight.  
  
Once her umbrella was opened, she maneuvered it over both of them. “Forgot your umbrella?”  
  
“I didn’t think it was gonna keep fucking raining.”  
  
“I’ll walk you home. I’m assuming it’s not far since you walked here.” She nudged his arm with hers. He gave her a questioning look.  
  
“You think I’m gonna let you walk me home and then have you walk home _by yourself_ ?”  
  
“It’s not that far I’m sure. And I don’t mind the rain.”

“Do you mind getting fucking _kidnapped_?”

“You say that as if it is actually going to happen.”

“The odds are never zero percent, Sakura.”

“I’ll be _fine_."

Hidan plucked the umbrella from her grasp and took a step forward into the rain. “Let’s go, I’m walking you home.”

“Hidan.” Sakura called, exasperated.

“One would think you’d be ecstatic at your sex slave acting like a proper boyfriend.” He watched Sakura try to hide a smile at his joke, causing him to grin.

“Fine.” She finally conceded, stepping up to him and sliding her arm into the crook of his elbow. 

With the rain coming down in steady waves, no one else was occupying the streets leading to Sakura’s neighborhood. They walked into a surprisingly comfortable silence, but Hidan itched to start up a conversation. Having enjoyed getting to know Sakura more at the restaurant, he wanted to continue that conversation.

Sakura squeezed Hidan’s arm, pressing closer into his side. The heat radiating between them was pleasant. Hidan shifted his shoulder a bit, but immediately tensed when she lightly rested her head against his bicep. 

He definitely wanted to get to know Sakura in a _platonic_ way. 

“I’ve always loved the rain. The smell, the freshness that follows after a good storm. It’s very soothing. My favorite days are when I wake up in the mornings to rain and I can lay there listening to it.”

Hidan glanced down. Sakura had a glazed look over her face, clearly living through the description she just gave him.

“I only like the rain when I’m home. I hate when I have to go out in it.”

Sakura laughed. “You must’ve hated tonight’s plans then.”

“No, I…” Hidan paused, unsure if he should entertain the thought of admitting he had a good time. “Tonight was fine.” He said instead. “Sometimes I can appreciate being in the rain. Konan used to—”

With the slip of Konan’s name, Hidan clammed up. Sakura said nothing, still staring off into the rain.

“I uh…” Hidan didn’t know how to continue the conversation. He didn’t know how Sakura felt about hearing things relating to Konan. In all her explanations, she never once talked about Konan like how she talked about Nagato. 

“Konan used to what?” Sakura prompted, her voice clear of any negative emotion.

“She uh… she loved the rain.” Hidan answered. “We’d take walks sometimes when it was drizzling.”

“That sounds nice.” Sakura sighed. 

“Yeah… it was.”

Silence settled over them again, only this time it felt awkward. Sakura was usually the chatty one and without her bringing up some random topic, Hidan felt the need to return the easy going vibes they shared a moment ago.

He opened his mouth but Sakura cut him off before he could speak.

“Do you not want to talk about Konan?”

Hidan stopped walking, effectively halting Sakura as well. She looked up at him surprised. 

“I didn’t think you’d wanna hear about her.” Hidan answered truthfully, looking down into her _very_ green eyes. He watched them shift to the right, obviously contemplating her next words.

“I don’t mind hearing about her. It is your ex after all. You’ve heard me vent about mine, I think it’s only fair if I give you the option to do the same.” 

“That’s considerate, thanks mistress.” 

“I’m serious.”

“Yeah I know you are, I’m just embarrassed alright?”

“What do you have to be embarrassed about?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Hidan began their easy pace again. They were pretty close to her street. 

“No really. If you’re worried about me judging you I can assure you I’m not. I’m basically a blank slate for you to vent your woes.” Sakura explained, looking up at his profile. Within the close proximity, Hidan felt heat creep up his neck at the intense, determined look she fixed on him. Her presence against his side felt even more prominent now. He cleared his throat, breaking whatever moment that was transpiring between them. Hidan glared off into the rain. 

How dare she be so pretty _and_ understanding. God fucking dammit. 

“I’m not ready to talk about Konan.” He finally admitted. And it was true. Even if he was ready to move on and Sakura was here offering to listen on neutral ground without judgement, Hidan just wasn’t ready to spill his guts. It was tempting, but mixing his angst about Konan with a girl that he was physically attracted to didn’t seem like a good match up.

Sakura nodded. “I understand.” She patted his arm affectionately. “Whenever you’re ready though, I’m here to listen, if you want.”

“That’s very kind considering it’s coming from the same person who is blackmailing me.”

“You’re welcome.”

Finally stepping on the corner of her block, Hidan could see Sakura’s house. 

“You can take my umbrella home with you.” Sakura said. “I’d feel bad making you walk in the rain.”

“It’s fine, I could just crash at Deidara’s or something. Who knows when we’ll meet up again, I wouldn’t wanna hold your umbrella hostage.”

“Hm true, and that is my only umbrella. You know what, I’ll give you twenty points for walking me home.”

They turned onto the pathway towards Sakura’s porch. 

“Great, that just leaves me at negative four hundred seventy-six.” Hidan grumbled, watching Sakura check her coat pocket for her keys.

“Not bad, not bad.” She nodded, unlocking the door and stepping instead. Hidan remained outside, an amused smirk on his face as he handed off the umbrella to her. “Thanks for walking me home.” She said.

He nodded, giving her a wink to which she responded with a roll of her eyes.

“Minus one point.” 

“Sorry, all of a sudden I can’t understand the English language.” Hidan laughed, taking a step backwards off her porch and into the rain.

Sakura childishly stuck her tongue out. “Whatever! I hope negative four hundred and seventy-seven feels nice!”

He rushed across her lawn towards Deidara’s. “Oh it feels fucking _amazing!”_

“That sounds sexual, stop it!” Sakura laughed, leaning out her door.

“It’s only sexual if you want it to be, baby!” Hidan called back.

“Gross!” Even as Sakura said it, she was still smiling. “Goodnight Hidan.” 

He stepped up to Deidara’s front step, looking back at her.

“Goodnight, Sakura.” 

* * *

10:59pm

Deidara threw a towel at Hidan who caught it before it could smack him in the face. He sat on the couch while the blonde stood in front of him with an irritated expression.

“You two might as well have been making out on the lawn with all that flirting, un.”

Hidan stopped drying his face to send a glare. “We weren’t fucking flirting.”

A raised eyebrow was the only response, letting Hidan fester under Deidara’s judgement.

Feeling his cheeks heat up, Hidan flopped dramatically back into the couch. “Fuck! Okay, _fine,_ there was the tiniest amount of flirting at the end.”

“Hidan—“

“Yeah, I fucking know I shouldn’t, but it’s hard when she’s so fucking charming and pretty!” He placed the towel over his face to hide his blush of betrayal.

“Yeah and she’s also blackmailing you. Let’s not let her looks eclipse the evil scheming, un.”

“I don’t think I need to remind you that I hit her with my fucking car, Deidara. So honestly who’s the main villain in this scenario?” Hidan asked.

Watching the pathetic lump on his couch, Deidara threw up his arms in defeat. “I give up trying to make sense of your thought process.”

With his cheeks cooling down, Hidan tugged the towel from his face. He sighed. “She wasn’t even ready to see Nagato. We tried bumping into them at the park and she freaked out. She’s not as crazy as I thought.”

“That doesn’t excuse this situation.”

“Can you just pat me on the back and admit she’s pretty too so I don’t feel like I’m losing my fucking mind.” Hidan groaned. 

Deidara rolled his eyes before he patted Hidan’s back twice. “There, there, Hidan. I’m sorry you’re being tormented by hot queen vindication.”

“...You’re fucking terrible at this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finding the goddamn name for that spoon used for ramen was SO funny. My beta and I were like it's not just called a ramen spoon right??? Lmao anyways, this chapter went through many revisions and I'm happy with how it ended up turning out. The whole mario kart convo was basically just me. I love shyguy and roy with his buff self and sunglasses. I really wanted their convo to feel organic so I added bits and pieces of conversation I've had between my own friends. If it felt too long, let me know and I'll try cutting back some when writing future chapters. Chapter 10 and 11 are all thought out and I'm excited to finally get to em! Hope you enjoyed, leave a review, and I'll see you next chapter.


	9. The One Where Sakura And Itachi Meet For The First Time... Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My beta: Only you could make a 30 page chapter about a dinner.
> 
> Enjoy.

Next day Saturday 11:43AM 

The rain had persisted throughout the night, effectively halting any time to reflect on the _date_ seeing as it lulled Sakura straight to sleep. However, now that she was awake, there was nothing to distract her brain from replaying the night’s events in a constant loop. Nothing felt out of the ordinary, but there was a _feeling_ and there wasn’t quite a word to describe it. After finishing her morning routine, she stood in front of the bathroom mirror, squinting at her reflection. This _f_ _eeling_ needed sorting out.

“I had fun.” She gave a firm nod. “Maybe I’m just shocked at how much I enjoyed his company?” It surprised her how conversing with someone who was essentially a stranger, wasn't as terrible as she thought it would be. Upon entering the restaurant she assumed most of the topics between them would consist of future date crashing scenarios or forced small talk and if _that_ didn’t happen, then the next best thing would be sitting in an awkward silence.

Sakura’s lips quirked slightly at the thought. Hidan probably wouldn’t stay quiet though. Yesterday she noticed how he felt a need to fill any silence that popped up between them, comfortable or otherwise. He’d say something with a serious expression or joke about being a sex slave which would undoubtedly make her laugh.

Wait a second. Her reflection frowned. _Why am I acting like I know him?_ Straightening up, she made her way out the bathroom, intent on not ruminating further on the thought.

Feeling the now familiar sense of an unnatural stare on her, Sakura turned to look out the bedroom window, which still lacked any blinds, and stared back at Mannequin Sakura. It hadn’t moved, so she theorized that whoever was Deidara’s roommate was the owner and once she found out who _that_ was _,_ there’d be some choice words to be had. And maybe a punch to the face.

But, for now though…

“Don’t look at me like that.” Sakura grumbled, turning to her drawers and picking out a black long sleeved top. “Just because we talked a little last night doesn’t mean I _know_ him, know him. And besides, I was the one doing most of the talking, he only told me about Konan.”

After tugging the shirt on, she opened another drawer and grabbed a pair of light blue, slightly distressed jeans. Mannequin Sakura, of course, said nothing. Pulling the pants on, she continued venting as she buttoned them. “No wonder Nagato was so pissed off. Who knows how long he wanted Konan, but she was dating some other guy. Then when he finally does get with her, he sees Hidan immediately with me.”

When the fights regarding who they spent their free time with inevitably came up, Nagato always defended himself with the fact that Konan had her own boyfriend whereas Sasuke was still single. However, never once was Konan's boyfriend’s name mentioned and apparently the situation was the same on Hidan’s side. Or so she assumed, mostly due to him not instantly recognizing her or reacting upon hearing her name. _Or,_ maybe Hidan _did_ know, but decided to hold that information to himself, like how he kept his relationship with Konan to himself.

“Not that it matters.” Sakura said, finishing her thoughts aloud. “If he told me earlier that Konan was his ex, it wouldn't change anything. And at least he _told_ me.” Slowly she slid on a thick knitted, cream color cardigan, and then looked back to the mannequin. “So why am I kinda annoyed that he didn’t tell me earlier? Why am I kinda hurt that that’s his ex?”

 _It’s because it’s Konan._ An insecure voice in the back of her mind answered. _Because Nagato wanted her, and Hidan probably wants her still. Because even if you’re fake dating, you still don’t feel like you’re enough._

Abruptly she slapped her cheeks, effectively clearing her head from such thoughts. “No. We’re not doing that.”

There were countless times in the past where it felt unavoidable comparing herself to Konan. Constantly plagued by the thought, _what does she have that I don’t_? Of course, looking back on it now, it was foolish to waste time dwelling on such things when no matter what, Nagato’s feelings for his best friend were absolute. Sakura now realized nothing would've stopped him from taking the chance to be with Konan once the opportunity arose, but hindsight was 20/20.

Unlearning the need to compare oneself to another was going to be tough, but Sakura knew she could do it. She knew she was enough and that self-assuring determination was all she needed. That jealous bastard wanted her to still pine after him even after breaking up?

He had another thing coming.

* * *

12:21PM 

The Chaotic Duo, adequately named by Sasuke, lived in a townhouse close to Konoha University, which Sakura sometimes went to in between classes to nap. KU began it's winter break for the holidays a week before her and Nagato broke up, so she hadn’t been able to see the Uzumaki cousins since and thus, was unsure of how much they actually knew of the situation.

Karin and Naruto were the same age and moved in together the previous year. Naruto was a full time streamer with a large following and was looking to move out when his cousin pitched the idea that they should be roommates. Karin, an Art History major who occasionally sold pieces of her artwork online, wasn’t making enough to afford the housing around KU by herself and was delighted when he agreed. With both of their outgoing, loud, and chaotic energy gathered in one space, Sasuke aptly dubbed them their nickname before declaring he’d never step foot under their roof again unless it was an emergency. _That_ was a lie that many drunk late night beer pong pictures could attest to. Regardless, the fact was there was never a dull moment in their household and Sakura, who grew up as an only child, loved it.

However, instead of the usual feeling of excitement, she felt nervous. Telling them about the breakup was nerve wracking but necessary, and she definitely wanted them to hear it from her own mouth. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop her from fretting over how much to say about Hidan, if anything at all.

Before she could ring the doorbell, the door swung open making her jump. Karin flung her arms around the smaller startled girl. “Sakuraaaa! It’s been ages!” She cried dramatically.

“Karin quit hogging her!” Naruto whined, searching for an angle to secure his own hug, but gave up and just wrapped his arms around them both.

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh. The nerves that plagued her moments ago melted away into affection. She had missed them. “Sorry, I got caught up in a lot of stuff recently.” She gently patted them both.

“Probably studying, huh? So diligent, even when on vacation.” Karin wiggled free from the hug sandwich and placed a hand on her hip. “Sorry Naruto has been harassing you. I know how much you like to stay on top of your studies, but _this_ _one_ was quite adamant on bugging you.”

“I was worried, okay?” Naruto squeezed Sakura a little tighter before lifting her off the ground completely and carrying her into their home. Years of being friends with the blonde had normalized most of his affectionate antics. Karin shut the door before following.

“You weren’t answering my calls or texts last week after you told me you were gonna go over to Nagato’s!” He plopped her down onto the couch. “I thought you might’ve been kidnapped or ran over!”

Sakura let out a nervous titter. “You think of the most dramatic scenarios.”

“They’re not completely out of the realm of possibility though! And Nagato stopped responding after he told me you left around _midnight_! I was so mad he didn’t give you a ride.”

Karin perched herself on the couch’s arm and nodded. “I’ll make sure to fight him next time I see him, for your honor and stuff.”

“Oh yes, very kind of you, Karin-dono.” Sakura thanked, slightly bowing her head with a solemn expression that Karin mirrored before both burst into giggles. “Well tell me, how’ve things been with you two?” Moving the conversation away from Nagato only delayed the inevitable but she didn’t want to spoil the happy reunion just yet.

As with any other time visiting, Sakura appreciated how easily it was to slip back into familiarity with the boisterous cousins. Previously with her hectic schedule, she had to allocate most of her free time to Nagato, and in doing so, created prolonged periods of time where she was unable to see the Chaotic Duo or Sasuke. Despite that, once they came back together, it was always like this _—_ like no time had passed at all and everything just picked up right where they had left off. As she listened to both of them elaborate on some of their most recent shenanigans, she couldn’t help but smile widely and feel immensely grateful to have such friends.

“Oh, by the way Sakura-chan,” Naruto said, recalling something after finishing his talk about his latest stream. “Sasuke told me to bring you to his place for dinner, Mikoto’s orders.”

She nodded. “Sasuke did tell me recently she wanted me to come over.”

“That’s not all though.” Karin added in a sing-song voice. Sakura gave her a wary look.

“What do you mean?”

“Fugaku is actually gonna be there this time.” Naruto explained with a slight wince. The two Uzumakis watched the color drain from their friend’s face, already expecting the reaction.

“ _Fugaku…_?” She whispered, scandalized.

With an exasperated sigh, Karin slid off the arm and onto the couch’s cushion beside her friend. “It’s been years, Sakura. I’m sure he’s forgiven you for breaking the window. Or maybe he forgot about the incident all together. He is getting on in years isn’t he?” She looked at Naruto. “He’s pushing seventy, right?”

“He’s fifty-five, Karin.”

The red head adjusted her glasses. “I stand by my statement.”

“Fugaku never forgets. He harnesses all his wrath into his frown lines, waiting to unleash it upon me one day.” Sakura wrung her hands nervously. “But Mikoto….”

Back in the day when they were in 6th grade, they decided to play soccer in the Uchiha’s backyard. Unbeknownst to the children, Sakura was soon to discover she had a killer kick. 10 minutes into their game she kicked the ball, launching it in an upward spiral straight through Fugaku’s study’s window.

The prominent frown etched into his face when confronting the children on whom the culprit was seemed especially frightening to an 11 year old Sakura. Bursting into tears during the interrogation sealed her fate and even though the punishment was only to sweep the shards of glass under supervision, she had vowed never to show her face at the Uchiha’s while Fugaku remained alive.

Eleven years spent avoiding the elder Uchiha was not something she was proud of.

Albeit, there had been exceptions to her dedicated cause, such as Fugaku’s long business trips. They were few and far in between, but enough to subside the guilt she felt in comparison to turning down most of Mikoto’s dinner invites. It had been a while since she had last been over, so when Sasuke brought up his mother’s dinner invitation the previous week, she figured Fugaku must’ve been going on another trip. But it seemed that was apparently _not_ the case.

“Your dedication to avoiding that man is impressive.” Karin snorted. “With that being said, Naruto, tell Sasuke she’ll be there.”

“Karin, _no_.”

Naruto waved his phone, interrupting. “Too late, I already told Sasuke to let his mom know that you’ll be coming.”

Sakura gaped at the blonde, horrified. “I _—_ Look at what I’m wearing!” She gestured quickly to herself. “This is not proper Uchiha family dinner attire! I have holes in my pants which Fugaku _will_ judge.”

“He won’t judge you, Sakura-chan. You know he actually asks how you are sometimes when I visit.”

“He’s taking into account my physical health to properly plan my death.” She gravely replied.

“Her paranoia for the man is _also_ impressive.” Karin muttered to her cousin who nodded. Sakura glared.

“ _I_ think you’re dressed fine. But if it bothers you so much, I’m sure you can borrow something from Karin.” Naruto suggested.

“This is true.” She stood up to stand by him and nodded.

Between Karin’s smirk and Naruto’s imploring look, Sakura was beginning to feel cornered. “Your clothes are cute so if you let me borrow something, I can’t guarantee you’ll ever get it back.” She warned, turning her glare on the redhead who blanched.

“... Suddenly I am not feeling so generous.”

Naruto knocked his elbow against her. “ _K_ _arin.”_

The two of them were clearly in cahoots, but she had no idea why they were being so adamant about her going this time. They had tried convincing her before, but usually gave up after the second _no._ Sakura watched them exchange a look before Karin sighed, apparently conceding to whatever Naruto was urging her to do with his poorly hidden elbow nudging.

“If it makes you feel any better, Fugaku will probably be looking at me with that disapproving dad glare. I plan on wearing something one might consider a little… provocative.” Karin shrugged. “He’ll barely even notice you there.”

“I…. wait. Provocative?” There was only ever one reason why Karin would choose such a word in regards to anything Uchiha related. “Shisui?” Sakura deduced.

“Shisui.” Karin smirk.

“Shisui’s gonna be there?” All previous objections were momentarily forgotten at the possibility of Shisui also attending the dinner. It was extremely rare for him to show up to Sasuke’s house at the same time they were all there. Avoiding the Uchiha household for years didn’t keep Karin from still going and thus, supplying a never ending stream of gossip circulating about what Shisui was up to and whether he was single or not. The few times Sakura had been able to bump into him was when he sometimes picked Sasuke up back in high school. Shisui was tall, smart and funny, but most importantly _hot._

Sakura lightly smacked Karin’s thigh. “Are you only pestering me to go because you’re nervous to see Shisui by yourself? You’re _using_ me?”

"Why, my dear Sakura, how could you ever come to that horrid conclusion.” Karin fluttered her eyelashes dramatically. “I just thought, as a woman who appreciates fine art herself, that I’d obviously bring you to see thee most _delectable_ , if not soul moving piece there was to ever walk this Earth on two legs.”

“Alright that’s enough! Let’s not forget I’m here!” Naruto shouted, cutting off Karin who fell into a fit of giggles. “There’s like, a five percent chance of him even showing up. He’s super busy being a cop and all, just like Itachi.” He looked pointedly between them both. Sakura shrugged, feigning nonchalance despite her interest being piqued at the prospect of seeing Shisui and Karin, who stopped laughing, adopted a look of seriousness.

“And so I will dress accordingly for that five percent.” She stated. “And he’s a detective Naruto, get my husband’s profession right.”

To save them both from Naruto’s long speech of, ‘stop sexualizing the Uchihas’, Sakura attempted to redirect the conversation back to safer waters. “Wow _Itachi_ , I haven’t seen him since our fifth grade graduation ceremony. I wonder how he’s doing. He’s usually too busy to join the family dinners I go to and Sasuke doesn’t talk too much about him, but I know they see each other every Sunday.”

Naruto, not one to ignore his friends, easily turned his attention to her, forgetting about Karin who wore a triumphant smirk which Sakura deliberately ignored. “Itachi? I saw him on New Years, he looks a lot different, I almost didn’t recognize him.”

“Oh, that's right, you went to spend new years at Sasuke’s.”

“Yeah, it was fun, but I don’t know what they’re gonna do for this year. Karin threw around the idea of having something here at our place, but we’re still considering all of our options.”

Sakura nodded. “Well, let me know when you figure it out.”

“Will do!” Naruto checked his phone. “Alright, Ima head upstairs to change, do a quick stream and then we’ll head over to Sasuke’s.”

“Wait, you’re streaming now?” Sakura asked, perplexed. She had made it a point to visit today precisely because it was Saturday, which was normally Naruto’s day off . If there _was_ a stream on the weekend, it was usually a late night one so it wouldn’t clash with any daytime socializing. To hear that their time hanging out was being cut short left her feeling a little crestfallen. “We barely even had any time to hang out ourselves!”

He grimaced. “Sorry Sakura-chan, I had to cut my stream short yesterday so I told my subs I’d put in a quick session today. And since we’re having dinner I can’t do it later.” One more quick apology and the blonde escaped down the hall to his room.

“Looks like I get you all to myself.” Karin grinned. Linking an arm through Sakura’s, she led them to her room. “You got the best Uzumaki too.”

Upon entering, they detached so Sakura could immediately claim her usual spot in the middle of the bed by flopping face first into the comforter. Taking a peek through her hair, she watched her friend begin to sift through the closet.

“I need something slutty, but classy. Slassy? Clutty?” Karin mused aloud, tossing some shirts behind her on the bed. Some of them narrowly missed Sakura while others landed on her back and head.

“Ino would be so proud.” Came Sakura’s muffled reply. “Combining slutty and classy.”

“She was the master of it after all.” She chuckled, tossing another shirt behind her. “Have you talked to her recently? I’ve been meaning to facetime her, but we always miss each other.”

“Same here. Since school started we haven’t been able to talk besides a few texts. But now that I’ve had some free time I should probably set up a video chat soon.” Sakura deliberated, slowly maneuvering herself out from under the growing pile of clothes.

“Make sure to let me know when. I want to join.”

“Duh, of course.”

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, only broken occasionally by Karin’s _hmm_ and _oooh_ , but Sakura was anything _but_ relaxed considering the impending conversation that danced at the tip of her tongue. It seemed that Naruto's impromptu stream became the perfect excuse to garner alone time with Karin and to explain what happened with their other cousin. Years of friendship assured her that the breakup would change nothing between them and that Karin would be understanding, but another part of her was still worried. Nagato _was_ her family after all and when dating a friend’s family member, there is always the underlying risk of, _what happens if we break up?_

Taking a deep breath, Sakura sat upright on the bed. It would have to be now. She waited long enough already, she’d have to trust in their bond of friendship. “Karin?” The redhead turned. There was no going back now, so she might as well jump.

“Nagato was cheating on me with Konan so we broke up that day I went over but on my way back I got hit by a car and the driver turned out to be Konan’s ex so I’m blackmailing him into being my boyfriend to piss off Nagato.” The words tumbled out from Sakura’s mouth, even the part about Hidan slipped out before she could filter it, but almost immediately she felt a rush of relief. Compared to when she stood angry in her kitchen venting and explaining to Sasuke what happened, she realized this was different. There was anticipation of course _—_ how would she react about Nagato, but it was now also going to be accompanied by her reaction to Hidan. _I want to tell her about him and have her like him,_ she realized with a start.

“Uh _—_ ”

“But don’t tell Naruto!” Sakura quickly added. “I mean, not about the blackmailing part at least. I do have to tell him about Nagato though.”

A look of complete shock was frozen on Karin’s face. Slowly, she moved to sit on the bed next to Sakura, completely forgetting about the clothes “That’s… that’s a lot for me to absorb at once, hold on.” She zoned out at a random spot on the bed before blinking into an expression of absolute outrage. “Nagato _cheated_ on you with _who_ now? _Konan?"_

“Yes.” Sakura nodded. So anger was going to be the first reaction here. “I wanted to tell you and Naruto first.”

Her red eyes flashed. “Is that why he stopped texting us about you after that night? Does he know you got hit by a car! Oh ho ho, that asshole _—_ ”

“No, he doesn’t know I got hit by a car. I haven’t talked to him since the breakup.” Sakura explained hastily.

“And he didn’t say _anything_ to us! We’re the ones who introduced you to each other!” Karin seethed.

“I don’t think he was thinking of that in the moment….”

“Ugh, I _knew_ something was up when I saw that picture he posted yesterday! And with both of you being silent for almost a week _—_ I should’ve checked up on you myself instead of having Naruto let Sasuke do it!” Karin huffed, adjusting her glasses. “Sakura, why didn’t you tell me earlier? You got hit by a _car_ and you didn’t tell us!”

“I was scared you’d be upset.” Admitting it aloud now made the notion seem a little silly. There was never anything to worry about, Karin only cared about her safety and well-being. Naruto on the other hand…. “And I didn’t want Naruto up in arms about the whole thing. I don’t want to get in between family.”

“Sakura.” Karin sighed sharply. “While I love my family, Nagato isn’t as close to us as we are with you. You should know by now that some bonds are stronger than blood.” She paused, thinking. “But I see what you mean about Naruto. He would probably try to kick Nagato’s ass.”

“Which is something I’d like to avoid happening.”

Karin hummed her agreement. “I’m sure if you tell him no he’ll listen… maybe.”

Sakura snorted. “Yeah, a _big_ maybe.”

They laughed which helped lighten the mood slightly. Telling both of them not to do or say anything to Nagato was the only thing she could do, but the Chaotic Duo were entitled to react however they deemed fit once coming face to face with their cousin and possibly even Konan. Nagato knew how close all of them were so it wasn’t entirely impossible that he’d avoid them for a while.

“So wait... you’re dating Konan’s ex now? Don’t think I didn’t hear that little blackmailing part.” Karin gave Sakura a sly look who fidgeted nervously.

“Oh, so you caught that. I was hoping maybe I said it fast enough you didn’t hear.” She laughed awkwardly, but still slightly pleased that she brought him up.

In a single breath the redhead let out a barrage of questions. “What’s his name? Is he hot? How do you fake date someone? Do you have a picture?”

“Here.” Sakura pulled out her phone and brought up the screenshot. She watched Karin’s scrutinizing gaze turn into glee.

“Oh my god, he _is_ hot!” She squealed excitedly, zooming in on his face. Her worry dissipated and was replaced by a rush of pride. Even if they were only fake dating, Sakura grinned pleased. She liked _Hidan_!

“His name is Hidan and he’s _definitely_ a character.”

“Okay, okay, you have to start from the beginning, I wanna hear _everything_.”

Footsteps sounded their way from down the hall, signaling Naruto’s return which more or less ended their conversation. Sakura quickly plucked the phone from Karin’s hand and returned to her lounging position. Karin blinked surprised, but soon followed suit and leaned back, propped up on an elbow.

“Does this look okay?” Naruto called before rounding the corner, pulling at his collared shirt which was a shocking burnt orange.

“Uh, yeah, you look fine, dashing even.” Karin said distractedly. She glanced at Sakura from the corner of her eye while Naruto fussed with the sleeves. The look clearly conveyed, _We’re Not Done With This Yet._ Sakura smiled back sheepishly.

Naruto finally looked up, holding his arms out to show off the whole outfit, but paused when he caught the suspicious vibes radiating from the two girls.”Why’re you both looking at me like that?” Sakura whistled. Karin twirled her hair. Naruto continued looking between them before taking an unsettled step back. “This feels like the beginning of a very bad porno.”

“It’s your shirt. Very orange. Like the sun.” Sakura quickly lied. Next to her Karin cackled, rolling off the bed to resume her search for a blouse. “Are you going to stream in that? And also, Nagato and I broke up.”

“Yeah I _—_ ” Naruto's mouth fell open. “Wait, huh? What? When?!”

“About a week ago.” Sakura picked stray lint off of one of the shirts next to her, as if she were merely discussing the weather. “He was cheating on me with Konan.”

The sound of hanger’s clinking against one another was the only noise in the room. Karin, clearly unperturbed by the stretching silence, continued browsing her wears, while Sakura on the other hand began bracing herself. A silently mad Naruto was sometimes scarier than a silently mad Sasuke.

“ _Konan?! I’m gonna kick his ass_!" He finally erupted, breaking out into a long winded rant of how he was going to launch him into the sun and other creative ass-kicking methods.

Pushing herself upright, Sakura let him finish his tirade before speaking. “You don’t need to kick anyone’s ass, Naruto. It’s fine, really.”

“Fine?! How is it fine when he _cheated_!"

“Sakura’s already dating someone else.” Karin cut in tactfully, feigning a look of disinterest by examining another shirt. It effectively stopped the verbal rampage.

“What? Who?”

"No one you know.” Sakura quickly dismissed, mentally cursing the redhead. “But it’s nothing serious, just some casual dating. Some fun.”

The concerned look that replaced the rage on his face did not sit well with Sakura. Just as Karin reminded her earlier of their bonds, Naruto was her brother _and_ had a huge heart. Even if she told him no fighting, he was known for occasionally taking matters for which he felt passionately about into his own hands.

“He _cheated_ on you?” He sounded slightly pained as if he himself was the one cheated on. Sakura gulped, he was such an empath. “What happened? Are you sure you don’t want me to kick his ass?” He pressed, taking his cousin’s previous spot on the bed. “I think an ass kicking is the proper response to cheating, right Karin?”

“Right.” Karin unhelpfully agreed.

Sakura sighed loudly. “No ass kicking! He’s very tiny Naruto and your bright orange shirt would distract him, it’d be unfair.” She admonished jokingly. He didn’t laugh.

“I’m serious, Sakura-chan.”

“He’s _serious,_ Sakura.” Karin glanced back, smirking.

“Yeah I _know_ , but I don’t want you to get into any fights on my behalf, _especially_ with family. Besides, like I said, I’m dating somebody else so no need to dwell on the past.” Sakura assured, ignoring Karin’s _look_ behind Naruto. That was the biggest hypocritical lie that may have ever came out of her mouth, but it was enough to assuage her friend.

“If you say so.” The concerned look didn’t disappear even after, so Sakura decided to turn her attention to the other Uzumaki in the room.

“Oh, wear that one!” She exclaimed loudly, causing both of them to look at the article of clothing.

“ _T_ _his_?” Karin asked, lifting the blouse, unsure. Sakura nodded enthusiastically, maneuvering herself to lay across Naruto’s stomach.

“You’re gonna give my shirt wrinkles.” He whined helplessly.

“This is _see through,_ Sakura _.”_ Karin gestured to the shirt as if the smaller girl didn’t see the fabric the first time.

“I know, but you could wear a cute low cut camisole above it so it’s not too scandalous for Fugaku. The see through fabric makes you sexy, but not obviously so.”

”Wearing it with a cute bralette underneath would be more ideal.” Karin mumbled, making Sakura snort.

“Yeah, if you wanted Fugaku to turn you away at the door. You won’t be seeing any of Shisui then.” Naruto remarked with a crooked grin. He rolled Sakura gently off and stood up. “I gotta start my stream soon, and after _that_ revelation, maybe some meditation too.”

“You could meditate with your viewers watching.” Sakura suggested jokingly.

“That’d be weird, but tempting. I could just sleep on stream. You know people do that right?”

“Clearly I’m in the wrong profession.” She laughed causing Naruto to chuckle.

“You know,” he began, pausing at the door to look back, drawing both girl’s attention. “Since you’ve had a shitty time with Nagato recently and you _swear_ you’re fine, maybe I can play Mario Kart on the stream today and _someone_ can join.”

“You serious?” Sakura asked in disbelief, immediately shooting up from the bed. “You wanna lose to me in front of your followers?”

“Whoa now, slow down, no one said I’d be the one losing.”

“Naruto, it’s _Sakura_. She’s the whole reason Sasuke doesn’t like playing Mario Kart when we all hang out anymore.” Karin deadpanned.

“Sasuke sucks as Mario Kart.” They both said in unison making the redhead sigh and turn her attention back to looking for a camisole.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

* * *

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* * *

Eleven years passed and besides the window obviously being fixed, the Uchiha house was essentially the same. The hedges and lawn were still perfectly green and crisply manicured. The white and red rose bushes that lined the front of the house were all neatly trimmed. Everything looked perfect and distinctly _Uchiha_. It wasn't like she hadn't visit _at all_ within the past decade, but knowing Fugaku sat somewhere in that house made it seem all the more unfamiliar and foreboding.

“I think I’m gonna throw up.” Sakura stood rooted to the spot on the walkway that led to the red front door. The cool white grey of the exterior contrasted against the black roof which loomed dauntingly, making her feel like she was 11 all over again. “I think I should go—Ima go.” Pivoting quickly on her heel, Sakura, for all intents and purposes, took a single step away only to be yanked back by Karin’s iron grip.

“I need you in there.” She hissed. “ _Shisui_.” 

“Both of you are acting ridiculous and standing out here like weirdos isn’t helping.” Naruto shook his head in dismay. The two girl’s whispered back and forth in low tones—both Sakura’s pale fear-stricken face and Karin’s steely expression were glued directly on the red door as if Shisui or Fugaku were going to walk through and greet them at any moment. “I’m going inside.” He announced, leaving the other two behind, neither of which bothered giving any indication that they heard him.

Sasuke opened the door after a polite 3 knocks. He nodded at the blonde’s high-spirited greeting before looking past him to the rest of the arriving trio. At the sound of Sakura whispering loudly that she was leaving _again_ , Naruto tried leaning to obscure the view of the girl’s going back and forth with his unruly hair. Sasuke arched a fine eyebrow. “What is she doing?”

“Aha ha… it seems that Sakura-chan is still afraid of your dad….” Naruto laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. “Karin’s giving her a little pep talk right now.”

“I know she’s scared of my dad, dobe. I’m talking about Karin bringing up Shisui’s name.” Sasuke elaborated, trying to look past the messy blonde spikes that stubbornly remained in his line of sight.

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Karin just has some career choices she’s interested in asking him about or something.” Naruto dismissed, slinging an arm over Sasuke’s shoulders and leading him into his house.

“Karin’s not interested in being a detective, Naruto.” Casting one last glance behind them to the girls, Sasuke allowed the blonde to drag him off to say hello to his mother.

Moving through the dining room which was already set, they entered the kitchen and Naruto grinned, slipping his arm from Sasuke’s shoulder to hug and kiss the cheeks of the lovely Mikoto Uchiha. “Mikoto-san, it smells lovely in here! Thanks for inviting us!”

Mikoto smiled wide in response. “Thank you for coming. Were Karin and Sakura able to make it as well?” She asked, immediately taking note of the missing girls.

“Mikoto-saaaaan!” On queue, Karin strolled into the kitchen and made her way to kiss Mikoto’s cheeks quickly followed by Sakura who also greeted her.

“Sakura, I’m so glad you were able to make it. It’s been a while since we last had you over.” Mikoto smiled kindly, taking the smaller girl’s hands in her own.

“Thank you for inviting me.” Sakura bowed her head slightly.

“Of course, of course! You know you’re always welcomed here.” The reminder seemed to be said purposefully so Sakura just smiled and nodded before being interrupted by Naruto who began asking if she needed any help in the kitchen. Assured that there’d be more time to catch up over the meal, Mikoto ushered Sakura towards the opened archway to the dining room before giving instructions to the blonde.

The table was set with eight chairs, three on each side and one at either end. Sasuke had told her before that his family didn’t often eat in the dining room anymore because it was too big for just three people. The Uchiha family was quite large and a lot of his cousins that were all close in age would come over to have meals together, but ever since they started college the gatherings became less frequent. Seeing the sets of fancy plates perfectly centered in front of each seat along with the gorgeous fall themed centerpiece showed how much care Mikoto meticulously put into setting this up for all of them. With all her nephews so far away, Sasuke’s friends were the ones who were now filling up the table. Sakura felt a tad contrite at turning down previous dinner invites.

Karin had settled into one of the middle chairs with Sasuke sitting to her left, both already chattering off about some topic. Sakura took the empty seat to her right, figuring Sasuke wouldn’t sit to the left of his father’s side whenever Fugaku decided to show up and take his place at the head of the table.

“I’m surprised they actually got you to come.” Sasuke commented, leaning forward to look at her.

“I had to do some persuading, but you know I always deliver.” Apparently Naruto wasn’t the only person Sasuke texted in his quest to bring her over.

Sasuke took one look at Karin’s smug expression, then back to Sakura. “Blink twice if she hurt you.”

The redhead scoffed. “You know I can’t manhandle Sakura! She’s unnaturally strong. All you need to know is we’re here for common purposes.”

“Don’t flirt with my cousin.”

“Of course we’re not here for your cousin, pffft, what would give you that idea.” Moving her hand to adjust her glasses, Karin obscured her face enough from Sasuke’s suspicious glare to give Sakura a quick sidelong glance that clearly translated: _yikes_. “Anyways, Sakura’s also here because she finally decided to be an adult and have a nice meal with your dad.”

“Honestly, I’m a bit confused as to why you were all so determined to get me here.” Letting out a miserable groan, Sakura pressed her hands against her face. "I feel like I’m about to have my last meal.”

“Truthfully you do look like you expect to die at any moment.” Sasuke observed unhelpfully. “Also I didn’t want to tell my mom you turned down one of her dinners… _again_."

“You act like I turn her down _every_ time.” Sakura responded into her palms, feeling more uncomfortable with each passing moment. “Is this how Jesus felt?”

"As in Jesus Christ?" Karin barked a laugh when Sakura nodded miserably. "Maybe. But I think Jesus would have looked a little bit more refined for his last meal." She paused before looking back to Sasuke. "Which one of us would be Judas then?"

“Please refrain from making Jesus jokes in front of my father,” he sighed. “Anyways it wasn’t just ‘cause my mom wanted you over for dinner. I invited you because I wanted to invite you to join our tennis match tomorrow. I know you’ve been feeling down and… stuff.” Purposefully avoiding any mentions of Nagato and Hidan, Sasuke looked directly at Sakura’s disgruntled expression and ignored Karin’s raised eyebrow.

“And you couldn’t do that over _text_? Instead you bring me here where you dad can put a curse on me?”

“Maybe it’s best if you just don’t talk at all.” Karin patted her shoulder. “Our dear Sasuke-chan is still learning proper social skills.”

“ _Whatever._ Last time _I_ try being nice.”

Sakura groaned. “Bury me in the park next to Kevin when I die.”

“Who the fuck is Kevin?” He asked and Karin, equally confused, shrugged. Sakura ignored them both though, tuning them out to focus on her phone instead.

Reminding herself that there were rules set in place for a reason, and had stuck to them pretty well until now, Sakura stared contemplatively at the name on her screen. With her anxiety mounting every minute Fugaku hadn’t made his grand appearance, the temptation only grew with it. The last message sent was from last night when they were meeting up at the restaurant, short and simple, just like how it was supposed to be.

While she couldn't speak for Hidan, she knew the established ground rules she shared were to create a sense of distance between them. While they continued the charade she wanted it as a precaution so it'd be harder to form a genuine connection. Friendship would only muddle things between them and ruin her future plans, but after last night and their two failed attempts at date crashing, she felt them bonding despite her initial efforts to avoid it. Walking home together had been nice too, and though talking about it to Mannequin Sakura was an attempt to relieve some of these thoughts, it only succeeded in amplifying them. They were starting to become _friends_ and Sakura stared at his name on her screen, fooling herself into thinking she was weighing her options when in reality, she already knew she was going to text him.

To rationalize it somewhat, she came up with the excuse, _what harm could come from a simple text to distract myself from impending death_?

S: _I’m about to have my last meal_

Immediately she locked her phone after hitting send, but her screen lit back up with a chime. Startled at the swift response, she eagerly opened the message.

H: _You sound like an inmate about to die  
Youre not dying are you? *side eye emoji*_

“Oh, is that a smile I see? Who’re you texting, hmm?”

Sakura started, placing her phone against her chest to hide the screen. Karin rested her chin on her hand with a mischievous gleam in her eye. Sasuke was missing from his seat, most likely having gone back into the kitchen.

“ _Hidan_ , possibly?” Karin probed.

“I was texting my phone company.”

“Oh, _Sakura_.” The redhead tutted.

“...Okay, fine _yes,_ I was texting Hidan but shhh! Sasuke doesn't necessarily approve of him.”

Karin blinked, losing her cool composure momentarily before leaning forward to hiss, “Sasuke _knew?_ Before _me_?”

Averting her eyes, Sakura fidgeted. “If I told you about Hidan, I would’ve had to tell you about Nagato and I was nervous about that. Family, remember? It's a very messy business.”

“You got that big ‘ol brain and for _what?_ To doubt your friends?” Karin snorted. “I figured he knew about Nagato, but Hidan too? This is betrayal of the highest degree, I demand compensation.”

“Compensation? For _what_?”

“For not being the first person to hear about this guy!” Karin glanced back over her shoulder to see Sasuke standing in the archway to the kitchen with his back to them. “Has Sasuke met him?” She asked.

“No, nobody has met him.” Sakura said, which to her relief, had Karin nodding satisfied.

“Good.” She smirked, returning her full attention back. “Reserve that for me. I call dibs.”

“I don’t think Sasuke is racing to meet Hidan.”

"Oh sure sure, just like how he probably wasn’t racing to hear about the guy either but here we are.” At that, Sakura sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. At this point, Karin was never going to let this go until she met Hidan. It was understandable though, since she was usually the first to hear news about a new guy, but ever since dating her cousin, Sakura began turning to Sasuke instead.

"I’m sure Sasuke won’t even meet him at all.” Sakura opened her eyes to see him standing at his seat pouring himself water from a glass pitcher.

“What about me?” Sasuke inquired, interrupting what Sakura originally thought was a private whispering conversation.

“Uh….” Came her graceful reply.

“We were just talking about how long it’s been since we’ve seen your brother!” Karin smoothly lied, turning to face him. Wincing, Sakura hoped Sasuke didn’t hear her whole comment and realize what Karin said had no correlation to it, but she gave him no time to reply, instead distracting him with a question. “Did your mom need any help by the way? I feel bad just sitting here.”

Sasuke placed the pitcher down and took his seat. “No, Naruto is helping her.”

The conversation steered away from Hidan and settled onto a more family friendly let’s-not-talk-about-me-blackmailing-my-boyfriend- _not_ -boyfriend topic which, thankfully, Sakura was able to stay out of. Switching her phone to silent and hiding it halfway beneath the table, she discreetly reread the text. The little smile that had made its way onto her face earlier threatened to make a reappearance. She didn’t think he’d reply and he probably knew he didn’t have to, but the fact remained. He did.

_S: No I’m not dying currently but i could be murdered in the middle of a fancy meal_

_H: if hitting you w my car didnt kill you then i dont think anything will_ _  
__You’re too strong_

_S: Thought you said I had a noodle arm last time we talked about who’s strong *thinking emoji*_

_H: Oh shit youre right, I actually meant to send that text to my other buff friend, my bad_

_S: Uh huh *smirking emoji*_

_H: Are you really dying tho? Should I actually be concerned? Youre my mistress after all, idk if i can handle a mistressless life_

_S: You’d be free from being blackmailed tho_

_H: True_ _  
__Carry on then_

 _S: RUDE_ _  
__Terrible sex slave, youre SUPPOSED to come save me no matter what!_

A quick jab in the arm from Karin quickly alerted her to the footsteps that sounded from behind them in the kitchen. “You better brace yourself, mister Satan is here. Or is _he_ the Judas?”

“ _No_ Jesus jokes.” Sasuke reminded quietly, eyeing mostly Karin.

From their seats they could hear Naruto’s loud laugh, which _had_ to be caused by Mikoto because it was absurd to think Fugaku could say anything humorous. _Nothing_ Fugaku said was ever funny _._

“Karin. I’m glad you and Naruto were able to make it to dinner.” The deep baritone of Fugaku’s voice sounded from behind them, followed by the tapping of his shoes against the tiled floor. He stood next to the chair that was to the right of Sakura, much to her horror, and laid a hand atop it. “My wife is especially pleased to see you were also able to make it, Sakura.” Looking directly at her now, Sakura debated how degrading it would be if she just slid underneath the table and rolled out the front door.

“Thank you for inviting us over.” Karin smiled amicably, not at all perturbed by Fugaku’s presence and distracting from the silence that was stretching out a little too long between them. His eyes moved over to the redhead and if it was possible, the frown lines on his face became more pronounced.

 _Ah yes, her outfit._ Sakura grimaced internally, but Fugaku must’ve decided to spare her from a curse and instead nodded before taking a seat.

Finally managing to gather what was left of her wits, Sakura cleared her throat. “Yes, it has been a while. Thank you for thinking of inviting me.”

“Of course.”

“Father, aren’t you sitting in Mother’s seat?” Sasuke asked neutrally. The comment Karin made earlier on Fugaku’s ability to remember things due to ‘getting on in years’ rushed to the forefront of Sakura’s mind and she pinched her thigh to stop from giggling at the memory that was ten times more funnier now than it should’ve been.

Silently, Fugaku regarded his son for a moment. “Change is good once in a while. I’ve decided to sit here today.” It left no room to comment further on the matter and Sakura cursed her decision of picking a chair at the edge and not the middle. “So, I hear from Sasuke that you’re studying medicine.” He nodded despite receiving no answer. “It’s understandable then why you have not been able to make it to these dinners before. You must be very busy.”

The even tone betrayed nothing, but Sakura felt like he was alluding to the fact that he remembered very clearly why he hadn’t seen her since she was a child.

“Ah yes, sorry.”

The older man nodded again. “No need to apologize for working hard towards your goals.”

Sakura, who wasn’t sure what else to say, just smiled. It felt strained as hell and she hoped that Fugaku wouldn’t notice, which luckily he didn’t because none other than Shisui Uchiha waltzed into the dining room greeting everyone with a startling loud: _What's up everyone!_

“I brought your favorite wine, Fugaku!” He leaned past Sakura to place the bottle in front of his uncle. Pleasantly assaulted with the heavenly scent that was Shisui’s cologne, she gave a sidelong glance to see how Karin was fairing. The redhead was positively vibrating with excitement, but was otherwise more composed than expected.

At his nephew’s exuberant presence and dazzling smile, Fugaku merely grunted a response.

Well versed in the barely-verbal responses of this particular branch of Uchihas, Shisui’s jaunty grin remained in place. He made his way around the table to sit--probably much to Karin’s delight--in the middle chair.

“How have you been Shisui? It feels like it’s been _forever_ since we last saw each other.” Karin wasted no time gathering his attention. She leaned seductively forward and let her breasts rest against the table top, but Shisui, ever the gentleman, kept his eyes leveled with hers.

“It has been a while hasn’t it?” He acknowledged and Karin hummed. “I’ve been good, I hope you’ve also been doing well.”

“I have, thank you for asking. But I’ve been meaning to get in touch with you, I have some questions, career wise, that I was hoping you’d be able to answer.” Karin discreetly licked her lips with a quick wink. Shisui chuckled with a subtle shake of his head.

“Sure, I’d be happy to answer any questions you have.”

“Where’s my brother?” Sasuke cut it, ending whatever flirting fest was happening at the table, no less in front of his _father_.

“He’s grabbing something from the car.” Shisui answered. He fidgeted with the silverware on the table before looking at Sakura and giving her a quick smile and little wave. Karin tapped her thigh under the table discreetly to make sure her friend didn't melt into a puddle.

“He’s sure taking an awful long time.” Naruto mused, finally joining them after placing a large bowl of freshly tossed salad on the table and settling himself in the seat to Shisui’s right.

“He’s probably sitting in the car playing candy crush.” Sasuke snorted. “He’s been stuck on a level for the past two days since he can’t get three stars.”

“Sasuke, do not speak ill of your brother in his absence.” Fugaku chastised. “You know very well that Itachi only ever strives for perfection.”

“Thank you, father.” A smooth velvety voice spoke from the dining room entryway. The attention from the table shifted again to the newcomer, and upon seeing who stood there, Sakura froze.

That was the person who was at Deidara’s house the morning she went over! The one who bent Hidan’s spine into a math equation before ordering them all into the kitchen. Her eyes quickly roamed over his face, absorbing all the details and mentally kicking herself for not realizing sooner that this was _—_

“Itachi, hush. You and your father are just upset that Sasuke’s ahead of both of you in that game. At this point, he’ll reach level five hundred and win the bet.” Mikoto stated, taking her seat at the opposite head of the table. Sasuke gave a discreet thumbs up to his mom.

“Bet?” Shisui asked, perplexed. “What bet? And why wasn’t I included?”

“You had an advantageous head start. It would’ve been unfair.” Itachi informed, settling into his seat to the right of his father. Sakura watched him scoot his chair in once, place a napkin neatly across his lap, and straightened his back against the chair in a way that didn’t look stiff before looking directly across at her and freezing.

"Connecting the app to your social media isn't a head start, Itachi." Shisui sighed.

“The winner gets a new pair of Ray-bans sunglasses. Itachi didn’t include you since you broke his last pair and also because he always loses to you.” Sasuke smirked, drawing his brother’s attention away from her. "And Itachi _hates_ losing."

“I didn’t break them on purpose, Itachi!” Their cousin lamented.

“ _Boys._ That’s enough talk of Candy Crush, we have guests, remember.” Mikoto spoke, effectively silencing any further squabble. “Thank you Itachi and Shisui by the way, I put the fruit tart you two brought in the fridge for now.”

“No prob, Mikoto-san.”

“You’re welcome, mother.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring dango!” Naruto laughed, serving himself a heaping scoop of salad before also serving Mikoto who thanked him warmly.

“Sasuke doesn’t like sweats.” Itachi simply stated. “Like a child.”

“You’d think that’d mean the opposite, Itachi.” Shisui remarked, taking a serving from the salad bowl then handing it to his cousin.

“He’s not good at comebacks, you should’ve seen the lame ones he was saying at tennis this past weekend.”

" _Sasuke_."

“I didn’t think dango would get them riled up again.” Naruto muttered, catching Sakura’s eye across the table who nodded in agreement.

Dinner at the Uchiha’s was turning out to be a different type of chaotic mess than ones at the Chaotic Duo’s house and Sakura couldn’t help but watch with rapt attention. Upon apparently meeting Itachi unknowingly at Deidara’s, she knew immediately he was quite a character with how he reacted to her presence there. Originally he was a stranger who left barely a smidge of an impression on her but the more he spoke, the more human he became.

With Shisui on his left and Fugaku in her peripheral vision, it seemed absolutely ridiculous that she didn’t see the resemblance the moment he walked into the house that morning. Tired lines that weren’t there last time she saw him stretched down his face and his hair was long. It was tied back elegantly into a low ponytail but some bangs that were too short framed his face prettily. Sakura blamed it on having just woken up from getting hit by a car and finding the driver immediately at her neighbor's, _and_ the haunting gaze of Other Sakura being seared into her brain a good enough reason as to why she didn’t notice his features sooner and therefore, recognize him.

Regardless of being caught off guard, two things were certain. Itachi was handsome. And Itachi knew of her dumbass plan.

* * *

Surprisingly, despite the earlier sibling quarrel, dinner went relatively smoothly. Naruto brought up a story about a recent random $100 donation from a follower on his stream which ignited a debate over if streaming was a sustainable job which Itachi declared _no, it is not._ However, Mikoto was surprisingly interested in the topic, stating she had just picked up _Animal Crossing_ and thought it a cute idea to share the adventure of building her island with other fans of the game through a stream. At Sasuke’s pleading: _Mother, please,_ Naruto excitedly offered to teach her how to set up her platform.

Karin continued her attempts at flirting with Shisui, who responded with such deferential sincerity that Sakura wasn't sure whether he was rejecting or encouraging her advances. Regardless, she waited anxiously for Fugaku to give any hint of acknowledgement towards the blatant one sided wooing that was happening before him. It finally came in the form of him clearing his throat noisily, startling Karin out of her attempt at eating a carrot seductively.

Once the main course was finished, Mikoto, along with the help of Fugaku, cleared the table of the dirty dishes, momentarily leaving the young adults by themselves.

“See? That wasn’t so bad.” Naruto said in a low voice.

“What wasn’t so bad?” Shisui asked.

“Sakura here figured Fugaku was going to turn her to stone with his gaze.” Sakura glared at Karin who shrugged. “He asked.”

“I didn’t think I’d get turned to _stone_. Maybe banished. To another dimension. Possibly.”

Shisui laughed, drawing Sakura's attention to him and subsequently, to Itachi.

Avoiding Itachi’s existence was like trying to ignore Fugaku. Possible, but stifling. It was easier with Naruto's never ending ability to talk, which would ultimately drag Sasuke in, then Shisui and Karin. Sakura was inwardly grateful it didn’t leave her with much space to chime in and therefore, no reason to draw any unwanted attention to herself. However, with the conversation now turning to her, it was a lot harder to pretend like he wasn’t sitting directly adjacent and looking at her with his _undivided attention._

Neither of them had spoken a word to each other. On her part, it was mostly to avoid nervously blurting out something incriminating because even if Itachi knew, she didn’t want the whole table knowing about her plan that was beginning to sound increasingly crazy the more she said it out loud.

“I’ve told you before Sakura, he doesn’t care.” Sasuke sighed.

“Fugaku does look like he has some secret power to banish you to the shadow realm.” Shisui said with a grin. “But why would he banish you? If anything, it’d probably be Naruto to go first.”

“ _Hey!_ ”

“You speak with food in your mouth. A habit that belongs in the shadow realm.” Itachi nodded. He spoke it with such seriousness, Sakura wasn’t sure if she was allowed to laugh or not.

“Dessert is ready!” Mikoto chimed, reentering the dining room and swiftly placing the tart on the table which was already cut and missing two pieces. “Fugaku and I are going to enjoy some alone time _—_ ”

“Ew, _mom_.”

Itachi coughed awkwardly.

“ _—_ but I wanted to thank you all for coming to dinner! I left some wine in the kitchen for you all to enjoy.” Mikoto smiled before turning to Sakura. “And Sakura, dear, do come over more. Fugaku doesn’t care that you broke his window when you were younger.” And with that she left.

“Oh, so _you_ were the one who broke the window.” Shisui laughed.

Mortified, Sakura shot up from her seat. “WHO WANTS TO DRINK? WHERE’S THAT WINE.” Rushing into the kitchen she quickly spotted the bottle Shisui brought along with the selection Mikoto left out for them. Bless her heart. She was going to get wine drunk tonight.

“C’mon Shisui, let’s drink wine and talk about your job.” Standing up from her own seat, Karin plucked two glasses from the table set and walked into the kitchen to find Sakura inspecting the different wines.

"This tart is sooooo good! Sakura, are you going to eat yours?” Naruto called from the table, having already devoured his piece in seconds, earning a look of disgust from Itachi.

“No, go ahead and have mine.” She responded, settling on a red wine.

“Wait no, Sakura, give _me_ your piece.” Sasuke demanded, reaching over to grab her plate with the tart. Naruto lunged across the table, catching his weight on one hand which rattled the remaining silverware and startling the two older Uchihas.

“Sakura gave it to _me,_ bastard.” Naruto’s stoney face of determination did nothing to deter the youngest Uchiha.

“Fuck off, you know I’m Sakura’s favorite so _I_ get the piece.”

“First off that’s just not true, and secondly _I_ asked first. We have _rules_ , Sasuke.”

“This seems strangely intimate and I don’t like having a front row seat.” Shisui slowly pushed his chair back and escaped, followed by Itachi who wisely chose to not entertain the scene with words.

Used to the antics of her friends, Sakura ignored the fight that was sure to ensue over the tart and instead popped the cork open to fill her glass and then the two in Karin’s hands, who winked and left. Another glass was offered silently and Sakura carefully took the stem of Itachi’s glass, making sure not to accidentally touch his fingers and quietly poured the wine, all without sparing him a single look.

“Thank you.” He murmured, catching her off guard and reflexively making her look up at him. It was astonishing how much Sasuke looked like his brother but also how much more elegant and intense Itachi seemed to feel. Flustered, she immediately dropped her gaze. Damn the Uchiha’s and their good genes.

Whether on purpose or not, his fingers brushed lightly over hers when he plucked the stem of the glass from her grasp. Stunned, she watched him leave the kitchen without another word. Admittedly she felt a little silly thinking simply touching fingers implied something, but did she not moments before take extra caution to not touch his?

Feeling her cheeks warm, she frowned. “Well, shit.”

* * *

“If I was a worm, would you still love me?” Naruto asked, staring intently at Sasuke who took an excruciating long sip before answering.

“If you were a worm, I’d wrap you around my pinky and go to the bird exhibit at the zoo.”

An hour after dinner and they had just finished their second bottle of wine. As the comforting haze of alcohol began settling over Sakura, it also embolden her to sneakily peek at Itachi through her wine glass every time she took a sip. It seemed that the refined eldest Uchiha brother wasn’t immune to the effects of alcohol, seeing as he began talking more the longer the night went on. Somehow, however, he managed to avoid talking directly to her, and by this point she wasn’t sure if she should’ve felt concerned about the disappointment that followed that realization.

A movement in her peripheral shifted her attention away from Itachi. Shisui and Karin sat on the love seat, having their own private conversation and were slowly gravitating closer to one another, or maybe it was just Karin inching closer to him. While her flirting over dinner was more pronounced, she toned it down since becoming the sole focus of Shisui's attention now. Sakura watched her friend brush her knee against his and noticed Shisui not pull away. A telling detail that definitely wasn't something to overlook.

Hearing the beginning of another random scenario Naruto wanted to pitch to Sasuke, Sakura downed the rest of her wine. Taking a quick glance around and noticing nobody else needed a refill yet, and satisfied that Karin wasn't going to get herself caught in a compromising situation, Sakura wandered into the kitchen alone, intent on refilling her glass.

The heavy feeling in her limbs became more prominent as she walked, clearly indicating the nice buzz from the wine. She hummed as she scanned the countertop for the corckscrew. completely lost in thought and not realizing someone else had entered the kitchen.

“Do you need help opening a new wine bottle?” Itachi asked, moving beside her and startling her enough to let out a little yelp.

“Uh, no! I got it!” Sakura assured, her voice took on a higher pitch much to her embarrassment. Finally managing to find the corkscrew, she jabbed it into the cork and began twirling, concentrating on the task and ignoring the eyes that weighed heavily on her profile.

_Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it._

“You’re going to destroy the cork like that. Here.” His hands hovered lightly over hers, prompting her to let go of with a soft gasp. Itachi pulled away, but she didn’t turn to watch him open the bottle, instead she moved her hands to clutch the counter.

Whether it was the wine or just the presence of him behind her, Sakura felt like there was _tension_. On one hand, it could just be a product of paranoia, knowing that Itachi knew of her plan since that day at Deidara’s. But on the other more alcohol induced side, it could be because he smelled so good and was undeniably handsome that she felt a tug of attraction. Both reasons hung heavily over her.

“Your glass.” Itachi prompted.

Sakura closed her eyes and steeled herself. She was an adult dammit, an adult who got hit by a car. She could handle a little embarrassment and uncertainty. “Here.” She turned and placed her wine glass in his waiting hand.

Tilting the glass slightly, he began filling it up, not bothering to look at her as he focused on his task.

“You’re not going to ask me about Hidan?” She blurted out, immediately wincing. There was undoubtedly a more delicate way to bring up the topic, but the wine was catching up to her and all politeness had been thrown out the window. And besides, she wanted to know what he thought.

Itachi said nothing, still focused on filling the glass to half before stopping and handing it back to her, which she took numbly. When he finally looked at her, it was then that she noticed his own alcohol induced flush. “Do you want me to ask?”

Looking into the glass, she swirled the wine and watched the light’s reflection distort on it’s surface. “It’s kind of the elephant in the room, right?”

Itachi considered her before speaking. “I’ll admit I was shocked upon seeing you here. I knew you were a friend of Sasuke’s, even before you began blackmailing Hidan, but it did not click in my mind that you were the same Sakura from his childhood.”

“Sakura isn’t really a common name.” She tugged on a strand of her hair. “And I have pink hair.”

Lifting a new glass from the counter and filling it, he shrugged. “Sasuke’s friend’s are all annoying. I don’t make it a habit remembering their names or appearances so as to not encourage them to ever speak to me.”

“That’s kinda rude.”

“Life is full of rejection, Sakura.”

“Is it safe to assume you’ll immediately forget my name after today? Or possibly my whole existence?”

“Possibly.” He took a sip before smirking. “Or I may just call you a different name completely. Like Sasaki.”

“I’d rather you just forget my name.”

“Hmm. Though that is now unlikely, seeing as you’re blackmailing Hidan.”

“Ah, yes. About that.” Sakura paused to take a sip of her own wine. “I hope you’re not judging me too much about that, since Hidan is your friend and all. It’s not like I’ll hold him hostage against his will or anything like that.”

“Hidan is barely my friend.” A look of fond exasperation crossed his unguarded features despite the statement and Sakura stifled a laugh. “He’s like a stray that follows you home and never leaves.” He paused. “Also you should tell him that, he’s probably unaware that he’s free to leave whenever.”

“I’m sure you don’t mean it like _that_. But also no, I’m not gonna say anything. I can’t let him get away, unless he figures it out for himself.”

“And you think that’s okay?”

“We’re both getting something out of it in the end.” She defended.

Itachi tilted his head. “And what are you getting out of it, Sakura?”

“... You and Sasuke are a lot alike.” Deflecting was easier than answering his question.

The sigh that left his lips was enough to show he knew she was deflecting, but ironically, unlike Sasuke, he entertained the divergence of topic. “You mean Sasuke is a lot like me. Being the eldest, only mediocre copies can be made after I was born.”

“Did you just call your brother mediocre?”

“The original is always the best.”

Unable to help herself this time, Sakura burst into a fit of giggles.

“What’s going on here? Itachi, stop bothering my friend.” Sasuke strode through the kitchen, interposing himself between them whilst grabbing the newly opened wine bottle from the counter. “Are you coming to tennis tomorrow?” He abruptly asked as he refilled his glass.

“Of course, why wouldn’t _—_ ”

“Not you. I already know you wouldn’t miss tennis. You tried playing through a heat stroke for fuck’s sake.” Sasuke's comment stirred concern within Sakura.

“You had a heatstroke while playing tennis?” She asked, turning to the older Uchiha brother.

“Sasuke exaggerates.” Itachi dismissed stiffly.

“Yeah, whatever. Anyways, I’m sorry I didn’t just text you, Sakura, but regardless my offer still stands if you wanna come.”

“C’mon Sakura let’s go.” Karin called as she entered the kitchen, an empty wine glass dangling from her fingertips.

“You’re leaving?” Sasuke questioned, turning his attention to the tipsy redhead. “Are you even good to drive?”

“We took a Lyft here so Shisui’s driving us.” She answered with a triumphant smirk.

“Oh for fuck’s _—_ whatever. Where’s the dobe, I gotta give him his free Ichiraku coupons before you guys leave.”

“Hey, I was just there yesterday, why are you giving them to him?”

“... No reason.”

“Sasuke told Naruto if he was able to convince you to come he’d give him the coupons.” Karin loudly whispered to Sakura who’s eyes widened.

“... Do you like torturing me?”

“Is eating dinner here with my dad so bad?” Itachi questioned, clearly confused.

“I _—_ uh, of course not. Absolutely not! It’s just....” Sakura fumbled searching for the right words in her buzzed state.

"Don't lie to the poor boy, Sakura." Karin brought her glass up to her lips despite it being empty. "She fears your dad like he's the devil. Tries avoiding him whenever she comes over. It's 'cause she's Jesus."

"Jesus, huh." Itachi blinked. "I can see how my father can be rather off putting sometimes, but I don't see a reason why he should, as Karin puts it, be the devil? My mother did say something about a window?" The mirth in his voice was unmistakable.

“She broke dad’s study’s window when we were kids.” Sasuke finally supplied.

Sakura quickly turned on him again. “Don’t talk, Sasuke. You’re banished right now.”

“How am I banished? I’m standing right here!”

“In my mind you’re banished. Now silence."

“Sakura _—_ ”

“You’re banished, Sasuke.” Itachi tutted.

“Shut _up_ , Itachi.”

“Look, as much as the thought of two hot Uchiha’s fighting seems enticing, the one Uchiha who trumps all isn’t even involved, so whenever you’re done banishing each other or whatever, Shisui and I will be waiting in the car.” With that, Karin shoved the wine glass in a fuming Sasuke’s hands and proceeded to exit the kitchen.

"Well, I guess that's our queue to go." Sakura sighed, feeling a little disappointed that they were leaving right when her and Itachi finally began talking. 

"I suppose you're correct." Placing his glass on the counter, Itachi waited for her to do the same before walking to the foyer followed by a silently sulking, banished Sasuke.

Karin stood at the front door with Naruto beside her and Shisui standing on the porch. At his cousin's presence, he jangled his keys. "Ready to go?"

Nodding his head, Itachi followed the Chaotic Duo out of the house after they said their goodbyes to Sasuke. Sakura lingered, fidgeting slightly.

“Okay, you’re temporarily unbanished.” She announced. “Your brother was there the morning I met Hidan.”

Blindsided, Sasuke gaped at her. “What?”

“Honestly I probably should’ve recognized him sooner, but a lot was going on, you know? Anyways he knows and oddly enough he didn’t confront me about it, it was actually the other way around. It felt like the elephant in the room but maybe that was just me.” She rambled off, tugging at her sleeve to avoid looking directly at Sasuke.

“SAKURA, HURRY UP!” Karin’s voice yelled from the car.

“Nevermind, we’ll talk about this later. But you're banished again!” Sakura flung her arms around Sasuke for a quick hug before dashing out the door. “Love you! Tell your mom I said thanks for dinner!”

* * *

“Thanks for driving us.” Karin smiled prettily, leaning forward to give Shisui a hug that seemed a little too familiar but confident enough to make it not feel awkward.

“No problem. Have a good night, Karin.” He returned her embrace with one arm.

“Bleh, bleh, have a good night, Karin.” Naruto mocked from the back seat. “What about _me_ , Shisui?”

“Oh, shut up and get out.” Karin glared before opening her door and stepping out the passenger seat.

“Good night, Naruto-chan.” Shisui called in a sing-song voice, making Sakura chuckle as she followed Naruto out the back seat.

“Ah, that’s more like it.” The blonde grinned, blowing a kiss to the curly haired Uchiha who laughed in return.

The trio walked up the pathway to the door, but Sakura stopped midway to turn to see Itachi sliding into the passenger seat. “Itachi.” She called. His eyes met hers and she felt a pleasant flutter in her chest. “I’ll see you at tennis tomorrow.”

The corners of his lips quirked up and if it was any more possible, made him look even more ridiculously attractive. “See you tomorrow, Sakura.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took an EMBARRASSING long time to get out properly. The dinner scene went through SO many revisions. I would change a sentence and send it to my beta like how does this sound??? Suffice to say they have the patience of a saint lol. 
> 
> And well, originally this dinner scene never existed and neither did the tennis scene coming up next chapter. So for those of you who asked, why doesn’t Itachi recognize Sakura? That’s because they WERE supposed to know each other. But as i continued developing future ideas, I needed to quickly change stuff so they wouldn’t have seen each other since Sakura was young. It’s a plot hole that I fixed with really cheap tape so forgive me lol.
> 
> Anyways, I really enjoyed how this revision came out in the end, so I hope you enjoy it as well! I know this is terribly long, but I’d like to think you all wouldn’t mind too much. See you next chapter!


	10. The One Where Hidan Realizes This Could Get Complicated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like the chapter but hated every second writing it! For whatever reason, I couldn't get my thoughts gathered while writing this and it was driving me insaneeeeeeeee so I decided to just post whatever I had and this is that! You know that one episode of Spongebob where Squidward holds up his manuscript or whatever it is and he looks absolution deranged? That’s exactly how I feel after finally completing this. ANYWAYS, I couldn't think of a good title for this chapter, so if any of you wanna throw your suggestions for it, go ahead!

8:56AM 

“Put it back.”

Hidan paused, casting a look towards his roommate. The green box in his hand hovered over their shopping cart. “Why?”

“I’m not spending extra money on snacks you don’t even like.” Kakuzu swiped at the box but Hidan dodged with a glare.

“Who fucking said I didn’t like melona bars?”

“ _Y_ _ou_ did, shithead.”

“You must be getting old because I don’t remember ever saying that shit.” Hidan shrugged, tossing it into the cart. “So it goes in the cart.”

“If it sits in the back of the freezer again for longer than a week, I’m adding it to your rent.”

“We split the groceries anyways? I’ll just pay for it up front.”

“Doesn’t matter. When you remember you don’t like it and it ends up just taking up space in the freezer, you’ll pay for it again for wasting food.”

"It’s three fucking dollars, Kakuzu.”

“Then you’ll be paying three more fucking dollars, _Hidan_.”

“Whatever.” Feigning interest in the other items behind the glass door of the frozen section, Hidan tried his best to appear nonchalant in spite of the scrutinizing stare being burned into his profile. Thankfully, Kakuzu only grunted before continuing down the aisle, effectively dropping the subject.

Hidan continued to idly scan the different labels of brands, partly to avoid talking to Kakuzu but also to avoid thinking more deeply about what possessed him to grab the melona ice cream in the first place. It totally didn’t have anything to do with a certain small pink-haired girl. 

Except that it totally did.

The little menace had been living in his head rent free since their date-not-date and the text he received from her yesterday didn’t help. When going over their rules she had made it clear that there’d be no need for excessive contact to help keep things strictly business; however, yesterday’s texts lacked anything concerning Nagato or such business. Surprised and a little confused, Hidan still found himself not wanting to pass up the random opportunity to talk.

Though the messages didn’t last long whatsoever and it was hard to push aside the disappointment that followed the abrupt end, it also left him wondering why she texted him and not an actual friend to distract herself from whatever dilemma she was in. Not that he’d fucking ask, but still.

In any case, when spotting her favorite icecream, he was suddenly struck with an idea - inviting Sakura to hang out via bribing her with melona bars. It felt sappy as shit the more he thought about it, and it almost made him want to throw the box back on it’s shelf, but it was also the perfect excuse to see how far he could push the boundaries set in place for them. Again, he ignored his one brain cell asking _why_ he wanted to hang out with someone who was blackmailing him, and instead opted to focus on the fact that if Sakura was already breaking her own rules then to hell with it, so would he. For the fuck of it all, of course.

“Hey,” Kakuzu called, seizing Hidan’s attention. He had paused in the middle of the aisle, looking down at his phone before tilting it so Hidan could see. “Itachi’s inviting us to play tennis with him today.”

“Tennis?” Hidan echoed in disbelief. “What the fuck did we do to piss him off?”

“You think tennis is some type of punishment?” With one last glance over the text, Kakuzu raised an eyebrow before placing the phone back in his pocket.

“When was the last time you’ve seen any of us willingly do some type of physical activity?” Hidan asked, leaning on the side of the cart with an expectant look, shoving aside the memory of how he jumped out of a two story window and dug a grave all within the same night 2 weeks ago.

“ _I_ for one actually go to the gym. I don’t know what any of you degenerates do in your spare time,” Kakuzu paused. “Except hit people with your car apparently.”

Hidan fixed him a listless look. “You’re a fucking dick. So are you going?”

“No, I’m not going. I have stuff to do.”

“Stuff? You have stuff to do? What stuff? What are you doing?”

“None of your damn business.”

“Shit, okay, fuck. Damn, so rude.”

Not deeming the unnecessary curses worthy of a response, Kakuzu pushed the cart forward with a jerk, effectively jostling Hidan off the side which prompted even more curses.

They finished the rest of their bi-weekly shopping trip quickly enough and once they returned home and placed all their groceries away, Kakuzu retired to his room, announcing how he didn’t want to be disturbed. So naturally Hidan went to disturb him.

Quietly stepping up to his roommate’s door, Hidan swiped the top of the frame for the stray bobby pin he kept for such occasions before kneeling in front of the lock. They had long since lost the original keys to the apartment’s doors, but one of the benefits of having dated a girl who loved putting her hair up in intricate styles was the seemingly endless discovery of stray bobby pins and hair ties scattered about. A petty voice in the back of his mind whispered how he should’ve placed it in the bag along with the rest of Konan’s shit, but shook his head, not wanting the thought of her to ruin his mood and instead concentrated on his current task.

Over the course of living together, Kakuzu began locking his door after purposefully stating not to be bothered and while this would seem completely understandable and normal to the average roommate, Hidan knew better. Some might consider what he was doing an invasion of privacy and therefore extremely rude, but whenever Kakuzu did this, Hidan learned that 9 times out of 10 it was because he was doing some vanilla mischief and didn’t want to be caught doing it.

Previous such instances revealed that clothes Hidan had otherwise thought lost, were actually just being taken from his closet and hidden in Kakuzu’s room to be sold online. The unspoken compliment to his apparel was not enough to assuage his anger.

Another occurrence of a locked door led to the realization that Kakuzu was actually stealing the snacks Hidan had purposefully bought FOR HIMSELF and eating them in his room. He even bought a little cooler to place the juices Hidan loved so he wouldn’t get caught stealing them from their fridge in the kitchen. Kakuzu didn’t even bother apologizing despite the guilty crumbs on his face.

However, the most _unforgivable_ case of them all was when Kakuzu asked to borrow Hidan’s Nintendo Switch under the pretense of downloading some free game he got in a code. Upon hearing the soft melody of Animal Crossing, Hidan burst in to find the bells on his Animal Crossing character being transferred over to Kakuzu’s account on his own _new_ Switch!

Suffice to say, past experiences had led Hidan to believe his actions were justified.

With a little more jostling, the telltale click of the door unlocking had Hidan grinning. “Easy-fucking-peasy.” He stuffed the bobby pin in his pocket before turning the knob slowly, taking a cautious peek inside.

Out of all the scenarios of, ‘What Fuckery Is Kakuzu Up To This Time’, finding his roommate lying supine on his bed, hands folded atop his stomach, wearing a face mask with cucumber slices over his eyes was definitely _not_ one of them.

Unable to contain himself, Hidan yanked open the door with a roar of laughter. “Is _this_ what you meant when you said you’d be busy doing stuff, holy _fuck_!”

To his credit, Kakuzu didn’t even so much as flinch. “I’m tired of you picking my lock. Shut the door before I kill you.”

Hidan whipped out his phone, ready to commemorate the moment despite the pure malice that radiated off the other man in waves. The chances of bodily harm were high for seeing something so forbidden, but Hidan couldn’t help it, the scene was _priceless._ “I know I give you shit about you being two years older and all, but c’mon Kakuzu, you don’t look _that_ fucking old!”

“It’s not for me, shithead. I’m testing out products for Itachi.” He hissed, barely moving his lips. “Tell anyone else about this and you won’t live to see another day.”

“I can’t take you seriously with that shit on your face.”

“You get blackmailed, I test facial products. Which do you think is more embarrassing?”

That made Hidan pause. “Low fucking blow.”

Kakuzu waved his hand dismissively. “Go away and get ready. Itachi said to meet him at Sarutobi Park by 12.”

“You told him I was going?” Instead of sending a text in their group chat, Itachi had sent their tennis invitations individually like a weirdo. Hidan hadn’t responded yet, but at Kakuzu’s nod, apparently the Uchiha was now going to be expecting him. With a petulant groan, Hidan pocketed his phone and sagged against the door frame. “Are you seriously not gonna go?”

Finally Kakuzu reached up to lift a cucumber to glance at him. “ _No_.” Then he placed the cucumber back down and resumed his position.

“You’re fucking lame, ugh. Where’d you get those cucumber slices from anyways? We didn’t even buy any fucking cucumbers.”

“... Itachi provided me with a mini beauty fridge with his products.” Kakuzu gestured to the little fridge set up on his nightstand.

Hidan stared long at the little thing, feeling as though there was a perfect joke for this but coming up blank, so instead settled on a simple concise: “Huh.”

“This is not a challenge for you to come in here and eat the cucumbers either.”

“I wasn’t even fucking thinking about that you fucking weirdo.” It did in fact, cross his mind briefly.

Kakuzu gave a soft snort of laughter. “Yeah, sure.” He waved his hand in a shooing gesture. “No one is going to force you to play tennis, so go tell Itachi you’re not gonna meet up with him.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re ri-” Suddenly, Hidan recalled one crucial detail involving Itachi and Sunday tennis matches. _His mom._ Kisame had mentioned it was always a family activity and since the poisonous seed had already been planted in his brain about the legend of her _thighs,_ the thought of physical activity sounded a bit more enticing. “-iiiiiiiWRONG.”

The sudden change in tone made his voice slightly crack at the end and he winced, hoping Kakuzu wouldn’t lift the cucumber again and see the guilty look on his face. Deidara’s voice rang clear in his head, _we are not sexualizing Itachi’s birthgiver!,_ but Kisame’s waggling eyebrows paired with a suggestive look was too tempting to ignore.

“Did you have a stroke?” Kakuzu eventually asked once the silence stretched on.

“No, asshole.” Hidan cleared his throat nervously. He didn’t want to awaken Kakuzu’s 6th sense for fuckery. “I just decided maybe tennis wouldn’t be so fucking bad.”

“Maybe you did have a stroke.”

“ _No._ ” Hastily Hidan searched for something to deflect with. “I — uh — _Kisame_!" He announced loudly and then grimaced. Thankfully the cucumbers still blocked Kakuzu’s critical gaze or he definitely would’ve seen through the lame excuse. “He’ll talk too much shit if I don’t end up going. He’ll compare me to Deidara or something else equally insulting.”

Kakuzu hummed. “Hmm, that does sound like him. Fine. You can borrow my soccer sweats since I know you don’t own any sports wear.”

“Yeah, and I wonder _why_ I don’t have any.” Hidan grumbled. He moved to the dresser tucked in the corner of the room and shuffled carelessly through the top drawer. “Hmm, my ass always looks good in soccer sweats.”

“Stop acting like I didn’t give you a percentage of the money made off your clothes. And who’re you gonna be showing off your ass too with a bunch of guys and Itachi’s mom?”

“Oh didn’t you know? Itachi and I are lovers.” Hidan drawled, spotting the sweats and yanking them out, purposefully leaving behind any other clothes that got scattered in the process.

“Must be hard having a lover when you’re being blackmailed to be someone else’s.”

“Must be tough seeing me with two people while you have no one.”

“Your ass looks flat in those sweats.”

“Wha— _fuck you_!”

* * *

12:11PM 

It was turning out to be a nice sunny day despite having rained just the other night. Living in Konoha County ensured that even during the winter season, it was still mostly sunny. Hidan opted to walk to Sarutobi Park instead of borrowing Kakuzu’s car, figuring Kisame could just give him a ride back if he ended up being too tired after their games.

Sarutobi Park was different from Nara Park, with the most telling detail being it’s lack of excessive trees. It had a bigger open grassy field that was neatly kept with a few oak trees sparsely scattered at its edges, and in the distance Hidan could spot a few people playing soccer. He frowned. Anyone who ran around and thought it was fun was absolutely fucking insane.

“You’re seriously gonna play with that?”

Hidan turned to his left where the tennis courts were. Through the green mesh that covered the tall fences encasing the courts, he could see 2 figures standing together.

“Are you stupid? Of course not. I’m only here to show it off ‘cuz I know it’ll make you suffer, un.”

“And you’re doing all this over a puny little thing like a black eye?”

“You assaulted me, in my own _home_ , un!”

Hidan opened the gated door and stepped onto the green cement, Deidara and Kisame stood off to the side, apparently arguing. Upon seeing him, the blonde waved him over with a flourish of his _pink_ racket.

At the look of longing Kisame casted the obscenely bright thing, Hidan nearly tripped once he connected the dots.

“Are you guys fucking kidding me? Really?”

Upon closer inspection, Hidan groaned in disbelief. A heart shaped design was printed in a darker shade of pink on the strings and there was a depiction of an anime girl he didn’t bother remembering the name of—but knew these two twits were fans of—adorning the handle.

Deidara shrugged nonchalantly at Hidan’s incredulous look. “I owe him for the black eye he gave me.”

Kisame’s face was pathetically yearning. “I can’t believe you brought Sakumi into this when YOU were the one who physically assaulted ME.”

“Impossible, I would remember such an incident, but unfortunately I suffer memory loss due to your brute caveman force—”

“If you don’t remember the incident, then you making me suffer makes no sense.” Kisame pointed out, only to be ignored.

“—so seeing how your violent tendencies have left me with no choice but to resort to drastic measures. Sakumi and I will remember your transgressions.”

“And by drastic measures you mean just standing there twirling that fucking thing around.” Hidan gestured to the racket.

“Precisely.”

Between Deidara’s smug smirk and Kisame’s tearful glare, Hidan turned to the taller man, tugging on his sleeve with a pleading look. “Kisame, for the love of all that is good, you’re the tallest buffest motherfucker I know, please don’t taint the image I have of you in my head by crying over this fucking anime girl.”

“You don’t understand true art, Hidan you fucking Neanderthal.” He yanked his sleeve free. “Sakumi is the purest of the magical girls therefore all her products are limited edition rares and I—oh god, I'm getting choked up.” Turning away, Kisame dramatically hid his face and shattered Hidan’s dreams all in one swift motion. Deidara crowed with delight, swinging around the racket more aggressively.

“Deidara, stop. You look unhinged.” Itachi greeted tonelessly, gathering all 3 men’s attention as he stepped through the gate. In a rare display not thought possible, Hidan watched him drop his sports bag carelessly to the ground and ungracefully _plop_ himself onto the wooden bench.

Itachi never _plopped_ and he definitely never did anything without dignified grace.

“Sheesh, what’s up with you? You look like Hidan, un.”

Bristling immediately, Hidan glared at Deidara. “What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?”

"He looks pale and sweaty which is your signature look, un.” He answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Itachi frowned while Kisame finally regained enough composure to reenter the conversation. “He’s not wrong.”

“What the fuck Kisame, I defended you from Deidara’s tyranny and this is how you repay me, you Sakumi 2D loving fu—”

“All of you _stop it_. My mother will be here soon.” Rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly, Itachi sighed. “And don’t be foolish Deidara, my complexion is far superior than that of Hidan’s to look anything remotely like him. I’m just suffering from a slight hangover.”

Ignoring the indigent squawk from Hidan, Kisame frowned at Itachi.“You were drinking without us?”

“It was a family dinner. I had too much wine.”

Deidara gave a hoot of laughter. “You got a hangover from drinking _wine_? What’re you, a 40 year old suburban mom?”

“Be thankful you only got yourself a hangover.” Hidan grumbled, rubbing his cheek absentmindedly and thinking of the facial products Kakuzu was testing back home. “I can’t drink that shit, it makes me fucking lustful.”

This only fueled the blonde’s laughter. Sympathetically Kisame patted Itachi’s shoulder, who was silently despairing as much as his pride would allow him. “You can’t kill them, but it’s not too late to uninvite them.” He offered kindly.

Feeling somewhat bad for the Uchiha, Hidan swiftly nut-checked Deidara who fell forward with a grunt. “Fucking there.”

" _Y_ _ou asshole_ , _un._ ”

“I do suddenly feel slightly better,” Itachi mused, straightening his posture. Hidan gave a halfhearted thumbs up even as he watched Kisame pick up the Sakumi racket that had flown from Deidara’s grasp. “By the way Hidan, my brother also invited some of his friends to play tennis with us.”

“Okay…?” Hidan said slowly, wondering why that mattered to him.

“His _friends_ , Hidan.”

Even with the emphasis and pointed stare, Hidan still had no clue what that was supposed to mean to him. If Itachi was trying to tell him something, he should just fucking come out and say it and not play this weird fucking guessing game. Hidan crossed his arms, disgruntled. “Okay and what am I supposed to do with that information? You want me to kill him or something? Is that what your intense look is for cause if not then stop it, it’s making me feel seriously exposed.”

“If I wasn’t so tired I would beat you over the head with a racket for your impertinence.”

“Stop talking like we’re from the shitty 1800s, Itachi.”

“Kisame, I’m going to kill him today.”

“Let me get a kick in before you do, un.”

Sighing one last time in silent admiration towards the Sakumi racket, Kisame finally came back to Earth and took a moment to look at each of them. Deidara was in the process of straightening back up, so he had to talk fast before escaping. “Itachi, you do sometimes talk like we’re in medieval times—”

“Ludicrous.”

“—and Hidan, Itachi’s trying to help you out by letting you know that your fake girlfriend is coming along with his brother.”

“ _What_?”

"Why’re you acting like it's an inconvenience—it’s not like you guys haven’t hung out before. If I recall, you were proclaiming your feelings for each other on my front lawn, un.” Deidara said, finally rising to his full height. Kisame held the racket high in the air which was well out of the blonde’s reach.

“Wait, what? Why is this the first time I’m hearing of this?” The taller man looked at Hidan who wore a stormy expression. “You’re living a teen rom-com and not _telling me about it?”_

“Because,” he gritted out. “There were _no_ proclamations of love being spewed. Deidara is just a dramatic fucking moron.”

Pausing in his attempt to reach his racket by trying to climb Kisame like a tree, Deidara scoffed. “Calling me a moron? That’s rich, especially coming from you.”

Not wanting to watch them get into another petty argument, especially since his mother would be arriving any minute, Itachi decided to reiterate his earlier demand. “I’m going to say this only once more, _no fighting_. That includes _arguing_.”

“Yeah, stop fucking bullying us Deidara.” Kisame smirked down at the shorter man who was absolutely seething.

“I say we vote him off the island.” Hidan proposed. Itachi ignored him, busying himself with his sunglasses.

“I helped you when you hit somebody with your _car_ and this is how you treat me?” Deidara hissed, feeling 7 different types of betrayal.

“Yeah and look where it fucking got me! Blackmailed!” Hidan shot back. “And besides, you called me pale and sweaty!”

“Because usually you _are_ pale and sweaty, un!”

“Itachi, univite both of them, please, my sanity is waning.” Kisame sighed.

“As is mine.” Itachi agreed.

The creaking of the gate caught the 4 men’s attention, revealing the smiling face of Itachi’s mom. “Oh! Hello! Sorry I’m a little late, I hope you all weren’t waiting too long for us.”

Itachi quietly sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Clearly his mother had heard their bickering before entering, but for how long? Who knows. She could’ve been standing outside the gate waiting for a moment of peace to spare them the embarrassment. Never again would he allow a hangover impede his decision on bringing his friend’s together to play tennis.

“Don’t worry, we only just arrived a few minutes ago. “Kisame grinned, already walking over to her with long strides. “Here, let me help you with that!” He gestured to the heavy looking sports bag on her shoulder. She smiled gratefully and shrugged it off for him to grab. Deidara all the while watched the exchange like a hawk, ready to insert himself between them at the first sign of inappropriate behavior or suspected leering.

Dressed in the standard white tennis skort and collared shirt, Hidan tilted his head, seeing if he could see what Kisame called, ‘a religious experience’. There were only a handful of times he went over to Itachi’s house over the course of their friendship, and he never looked at her _that_ way until Kisame made his cursed thoughts public and now, he couldn’t help but appreciate how much of a milf Mikoto was.

Itachi’s younger brother was next to walk through the gate and Hidan held his breath, waiting for Sakura to follow in after him, but the gate closed and didn’t open again.

“Disappointed?” Deidara asked with a little smirk, catching the small pout on the other man’s face.

“Shut up.” Hidan mumbled before switching his expression to a more pleasant one as Mikoto came up to them to exchange pleasantries followed closely by Sasuke and a grinning Kisame. Once she turned to Deidara, Hidan automatically reached his hand out to shake Sasuke’s in a brief greeting, having never run into him during the few times he went to the Uchiha home, but was caught off guard at the intense look aimed towards him. It wasn’t so much as a glare as it was a scrutinizing size up. Reminding himself that this was Sakura’s friend and Itachi’s younger brother, Hidan pushed down the need to say, _what the fuck you looking at, huh_?

“I’m Hidan.” He greeted tightly, although he made sure to keep his expression neutral.

“Sasuke.” He clapped his hand into Hidan’s waiting one and squeezed tighter than necessary. After one firm shake, Sasuke turned and abruptly left to drop his bag at one of the farther courts.

Fucking Uchiha’s and their intense personalities.

Once Mikoto greeted her eldest son and then wandered back to Sasuke’s bench, Hidan sat next to Itachi who returned to his own spot. “Yo, you're brother was looking at me like I spit in his cereal this morning and I never met the little shit ‘til today.”

Itachi lowered his sunglasses to stare unamused at his friend.

“Oh sorry, I meant _Sasuke_.” Hidan amended insincerely.

“He’s not wrong, your brother _was_ staring at him.” Deidara said, sitting on the other side of Hidan.

“You think he knows?” Kisame asked, standing before them with his arms crossed, the Sakumi rack tucked securely beneath them. “Since she's Sasuke's friend after all, maybe she told him?”

“It’s a possibility, but regardless, what impact does it really have on any of us if he does?” Itachi leaned over and unzipped his sports bag, pulling two rackets before handing one off to Hidan who nodded in thanks. “The blackmailing situation clearly involves none of us, so if we could move on before my mother becomes suspicious of why we’re all huddled like penguins, I’d appreciate it.” And with that, Itachi got up and left.

“Sure it doesn’t involve us, but that doesn’t mean I don't wanna hear all the juicy details, Itachi.” Kisame laughed, following after him.

“Am I fucking missing something? Did Itachi forget _I’m_ involved in being blackmailed?” Hidan looked to Deidara who shrugged.

“Poor guy has a hangover, un. I don’t think he even knows what he’s saying.”

“SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” The gate swung open and a tanned, spikey haired blonde jumped through, frantically scanning over their faces until landing on his friend. With a grin, he raced over, flinging his sports bag off his shoulder before wrapping his arms around the annoyed Uchiha. “About time you invited us to play tennis!”

“Let go of me, Dobe!” Sasuke growled, pushing against his friend in an attempt to free himself.

“Naruto, did you just seriously throw our rackets?”

“Well, well.” Deidara nudged Hidan, inclining his head at the newcomer but it was unnecessary, Hidan’s eyes were on her the moment he heard her voice.

Wearing black spandex shorts and a white long-sleeved athletic shirt, she walked over to the blonde and Sasuke. Her short hair was pulled back into a ponytail that swished back and forth with every step she took and Hidan couldn’t help but let his eyes roam from her exposed neck and down, down, down to her shapely legs.

“Stop being a weirdo and staring, un.”

Startled, Hidan blinked away from his girlfriend-not-girlfriend and moved to the blonde who was taking another racket out from his bag.

“Did you seriously bring two rackets?”

“I had no intention of playing with my Sakumi one, un. Like I said earlier, it was only brought to bring misery upon Kisame.”

“And look at how well that turned out.” Hidan snorted, casting a glance to Kisame who was showing said racket off to Itachi who looked like his soul was trying to vacate his body.

“Don’t make me embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.” Deidara teased.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Could’ve fooled me with those heart eyes you had on her, un.”

There was no way to deny that, so instead Hidan opted to glare at the blonde who shrugged dismissively before walking over to Kisame. Begrudgingly, he followed but made sure to keep his eyes glued to the back of Deidara’s head, purposefully ignoring the direction where Sakura and her friend stood talking to Sasuke and Mikoto.

While Sakura showing up to tennis was a surprise, it wasn’t an unwelcome one. It’d be a lot easier now to casually drop an invite to eat ice-cream. If she asked where... well, Hidan didn’t bother to think of the little details yet, focusing rather on the big picture. There was only one tiny issue though, did she want them to act like they didn’t know each other when in front of her friends?

All his friend’s already knew the blackmailing scheme and even if they didn’t, he wouldn’t have given two shits anyways, but he wasn’t sure how she felt about her friends knowing. Did she tell them he hit her with his car resulting in her blackmailing him into fake dating to make their exes, who were now dating each other, jealous?

Hidan frowned. What a fucking mouthful.

Or maybe she kept it simple and just said something along the lines of, oh I’m seeing someone new, his name is Hidan and he’s tall, handsome, funny, smart, and perfect in every conceivable way?

Hidan smirked. A believable possibility.

“Why hello little miss. Didn’t expect to see you here.” Kisame’s voice interrupted his thoughts, and suddenly was aware of the sweet smell of vanilla.

“Hey, me neither.” Her voice sounded from behind him. “I didn’t know you played tennis with Itachi’s family.”

Looking over his shoulder, Hidan caught her smiling face directed towards Kisame before her gaze shifted briefly to his. He politely moved to make space between him and Deidara in the circle they formed, which she easily stepped into. Deidara looked at him with an unreadable stare while Kisame still had his shit-eating grin in place and Itachi, besides the tilt of his head, remained looking unbothered.

“We don’t normally, un.” Deidara finally said, shrugging. “Itachi doesn’t ever invite us.”

“Hn.”

“I see,” she nodded. “Sasuke doesn’t usually invite us either,” she cast a quick glance back to her blonde friend who was now making his way over to them. “Feels like we finally made it into the Uchiha club, huh?” She gave a small smile when she turned back to them.

Kisame chuckled. “It does feel a little something like that, doesn’t it?”

“Hey Itachi, introducing your friends to Sakura?” Naruto greeted with a grin, seemingly popping up out of nowhere and slinging an arm over Sakura’s shoulder.

With none of them being on the same page, 3 of them spoke at the same time.

Itachi, taking note of of the tiny furrow of Sakura’s eyebrows: “Yes actually—”

Sakura, looking quickly at Hidan: “Uh, _no—_ ”

Kisame, being the classic fucker who liked stirring the pot: “We already met before.”

Sliding his arm off of Sakura’s shoulder to scratch confusedly at the back of his head, Naruto frowned. “Huh? You already met?”

With all the attention now shifted onto Kisame, the tall man grinned and nodded, but ominously decided to remain silent, clearly waiting for Sakura or Hidan to say something.

“Uh yeah, I met them through—uh….” It felt like the Nara Park situation all over again. Once again presented with a scenario that should’ve been planned out beforehand. Instead, now she stood in an self-made awkward situation for her lack of foresight. Sakura gave an unsure glance towards Hidan who was staring directly back at her, most likely waiting to play off of whatever she wanted to do.

Hidan, in his mind, almost wanted to laugh and tease her that once again she arrived at an unavoidable situation without a plan.

“We met through Hidan.” Deidara finally spoke up, looking unamused.

Hidan wasn’t dense enough to not recognize Deidara didn’t approve of what Sakura was doing, and probably stepped in to make sure she didn’t play the, _we’ve never met before ever_ , card. The blonde might’ve felt bad for all the shit she went through while she was unconscious, enough to warrant a fruit arrangement, but not enough to keep her from escaping an awkward situation that she forced his friend into.

Stepping in before Deidara could slide in a snarky remark, Hidan outstretched his hand for a shake. “I’m Hidan. Sakura and I have been hangin’ out recently.”

“Recently…?” Slowly, Naruto looked at Sakura while returning the gesture.

“This was the guy I was telling you and Karin about.” She answered after a brief moment and Hidan had to stop a smug smirk forming from knowing she talked to her friends about him. He couldn’t tell if they knew about the blackmailing or not but it was still a win in his book. Not that he was keeping track or anything, obviously.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Naruto gave one firm shake, his whole demeanor changing into one that felt more protective than the feeling Sasuke gave him earlier when meeting. Hidan nodded amicably before the spikey blonde excused himself from their circle, leaving Sakura alone with them again.

“Now that introductions are out of the way, find a pair and get off of my court side. I have a brother to put in his place.” Itachi motioned to Sasuke on the other side of the court who was impatiently bouncing his racket against his leg looking adequately peeved. He turned his attention to Sakura, before removing his sunglasses. “I hope you enjoy yourself today… Sasaki.”

Caught off guard at the comment, Sakura looked stunned before clarity washed over her features followed by a short burst of laughter. Itachi smirked, readjusting his sunglasses and leaving to his end of the court. Hidan watched the interaction confused. What the hell was that?

“Anyways,” Kisame began, looking back down to her as they shifted off the occupied court. “We should probably start pairing off. I’ll take Mikoto-san.”  
  
Deidara swiftly jabbed him in the ribs and Sakura, wide eyed, watched the larger man hunch forward, gripping his side with a guttural groan.   
  
“Uhm… **.** ”

“Sakura, correct?” Deidara put his most dazzling smile on. At her hesitant nod, he continued. “You should take Hidan to one of the courts and teach him the basics, un. This is his first time playing tennis. From his pale skin, I’m sure you can surmise, the boy doesn’t get out much.”

“ _What_? Fuck you, I get out enough.” Hidan spat, but the blonde was already making his way off the court, dragging a still hunched Kisame with him.

"You’ve never played tennis before?” Sakura asked as they watched his friends leave their circle.

“It’s not my favorite pastime.” Hidan answered.

“Oh? Then what is?”

Raising his eyebrows suggestively at her, he smirked. “Do you really want me to answer that? You’re setting yourself up real fucking nice there.”

“You’re terrible, forget I asked.” She shook her head with a smile.

“Honestly by this point you should expect it.” They began crossing over to the next available court. “Anyways, why’d Itachi call you Sasaki?”

“Oh,” Sakura giggled, “It’s a joke from yesterday. Itachi admitted he doesn’t bother remembering Sasuke’s friend’s names.”

“Yesterday? You guys hang out?” Itachi didn’t mention anything, but then again why would he? It wasn’t like Sakura was really important to any of them. What would he have even done with that information anyways?

“Sasuke invited us to his family dinner last night and Itachi was there since you know, that’s his family too.”

An odd feeling swirled in his gut, so Hidan tried joking, mostly to make himself feel more centered. “I forget he has a family. Almost acts like he’s not from this world, like an alien. Or deep sea fish.”

“Deep sea fish?” Sakura sputtered. She lightly tapped his arm, laughing.

Seeing her laugh and knowing he caused it did somewhat make him feel better. He was beginning to find he liked having her attention. “Yeah, you’ve seen pictures of those fuckers right? Don’t look like they belong in this world.”

Sakura stopped walking, giving her head a little shake with an amused smile. “All I’m imagining now is that one blobfish.”

“I wasn’t thinking of that fish specifically but thanks, now I’ll have the image of Itachi looking like that forever in my mind.” Hidan sighed dramatically. “You’re trying to distract me so you can win.”

“You’re the one who brought it up!” Sakura laughed before shooing him off her side of the court. “And I don’t need cheap tricks like a distraction!”

“Let me know how it feels when you lose to someone who doesn’t know jack shit about tennis.”

* * *

To ensure everyone got to pair up with each other at least once, they alternated partners every match. The presence of the Uchiha matriarch made sure nothing but proper behavior was exhibited between the young adults but still, Deidara managed to glare daggers over at Kisame occasionally, ranging between annoyance and murderous. The taller man flaunted the pink racket, a smug grin on his face the entire time despite being punched in the gut by the smaller man earlier.

It felt reasonable, if not a little creepy, that Hidan found himself sneaking glances towards Sakura after their first match. After all, she _was_ the only girl and he was a healthy young man with a healthy sexual appetite. It seemed inevitable that he’d find himself checking her out in her athletic shorts and form fitting shirt, seeing the sweat glisten on her skin as it disappeared below her neckline and how the muscles in her legs flexed whenever she moved.

During their first match, he took extra care not to stare at anything but the space above her head when they weren’t playing, and even that was difficult. While Naruto was absorbed in having fun and not at all concerned with Hidan and Sakura’s interactions, Sasuke on the other hand kept a keen eye on him from across the courts.

Eventually they rotated and Sasuke was paired with Naruto who immediately became the loudest of the bunch. With competitive banter being tossed back and forth and obnoxiously loud proclamations of impending victory from the spikey haired blonde, Hidan finally felt Sasuke’s heavy gaze dissipate and allowed himself to sneak glances towards Sakura.

Being half distracted, Itachi, who was his opponent, ended up winning quickly much to Hidan’s annoyance. He managed to catch the curse before it slipped out his mouth but that didn’t stop him from flicking off the Uchiha discretely from the eyes of Mikoto, mouthing _fuck you._

The next rotation landed Sakura with Itachi and Hidan with Sasuke. Before he could catch himself, his gaze followed Sakura as she moved to the court beside his and smiled at Itachi who responded with a slight upturn of his own lips.

Watching the reaction was interesting because Itachi didn’t really waste time with little actions like that. Completely preoccupied with this odd scene, Hidan missed the calculating stare from Sasuke. Eventually the younger Uchiha coughed, collecting the older man’s attention with a start before starting their own match. Hidan didn’t risk sparing her anymore glances that round.

The last game completed the rotation with Sakura and Hidan once again matched up against each other. This time around, Hidan found himself mostly silent, not because he couldn’t think of any jabs to say when she taunted her impending victory, but because his mouth was bone dry at how attracted he was beginning to find her. Protective friends be damned. It was obvious since day one that he thought her pretty, but the blackmailing helped dampen it down. However, after hanging out with her, talking to her, and even walking her _home,_ Hidan was beginning to view her beyond her little vindictive plan.

Again Hidan lost his match to being distracted. He was competitive by nature so losing annoyed him to no end but he couldn’t find it in him to be upset at the loss against Sakura. Her little shorts and flushed cheeks were award enough.

* * *

“How many did you win?” Naruto asked Sasuke who sat next to him on the bench, leaning forward on his knees to slowly catch his breath.

“Four.” Sasuke huffed out, smug. Naruto took a swig of water before humming ambiguously. Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“Four is pretty good. Not as good as five though.”

Ignoring the booming laugh from the blonde and the murderous aura from the younger Uchiha, the rest of the young adults continued placing their gear away. Kisame cheerfully helped Mikoto collect the tennis balls scattered about while Deidara decided to join Hidan on the bench where their gear was placed.

The blonde watched his friend stare at the odd display before him. “You shouldn’t stare, un.”

“Isn’t it weird?”

“What’s weird is you staring, un.”

Itachi had gone to help his mom collect tennis balls also, but ended up getting distracted by Sakura and now the two stood talking on one of the courts. Of all the years they’ve been friends, Hidan had never seen Itachi talk to a girl like he actually _enjoyed_ it. He couldn’t help the scowl that made its way onto his face. This was rubbing him the wrong way when it shouldn’t. There should be nothing to be rubbed in any which way in the first place, but here he was being rubbed!

Deidara nudged his leg with his foot. “ _Hidan._ ”

“It’s just fucking weird, okay? It’s not something we see often.” He grumbled. “I feel like I’m seeing something I shouldn’t.”

“More like feeling something you shouldn’t.”

Hidan shot him a sharp look which Deidara returned with an unreadable stare that somehow managed to frustrate him even more. The blonde shook his head slightly before sighing. “Nothing, nevermind.”

Every second spent not acknowledging why he was feeling a bit frustrated was, unironically, making him even _more_ frustrated. They were fake dating, he had to remind himself, so if Sakura ended up actually genuinely interested in one of his friends, he shouldn’t be annoyed about it. He liked having her attention sure, but that didn’t mean he deserved it.

“I’m gonna walk home, clear my head or whatever. I’ll probably meet up with you all later, but let Itachi know I said thanks for letting me borrow his shit.” He clapped Deidara’s shoulder before walking off, intent on maybe finally pinning down some of these feelings.

* * *

Once home Hidan immediately took a shower as planned, hoping to wash away the sweat and his bad mood. Unfortunately, the bad mood stayed. Toweling his hair more aggressively than usual and changing into a new outfit, he stomped into the kitchen and yanked open the freezer to glare at the green box of melona bars as if it were the very source of his problems.

By extension, maybe it was.

There was barely any time to mentally prepare himself for Sakura’s sudden appearance at tennis, but Hidan couldn’t deny he was looking forward to seeing her. It was the perfect excuse to talk and hang out without him actually having to do anything and also not having to worry about Nagato or Konan.

Except now there were these icky feelings and _Itachi_.

Closing the freezer so he wouldn’t have to look at the ice cream anymore, he scowled but kept a hand on the handle. The way Sakura laughed and how Itachi smirked was… weird. It forced him to analyze _why_ it was weird because logically there was no reason for it to be weird in the first place.

Hidan opened the freezer again.

But buying the melona was also weird. He wanted to see her again and he used ice cream as some weak excuse to trigger that. _Hey Sakura, I have melona, wanna share? Oh sure Hidan, how thoughtful of you!_

“Fucking stupid.” Closing the freezer again, he glared at his hand still around the handle. “I’m not jealous, I don’t even know her.”

Except maybe he was, just a little.

But to be jealous meant there was something else. Which felt fucking absurd because there _shouldn’t_ be a something else.

“What the fuck are you just standing there for?”

Hidan turned to find Kakuzu leaning against the kitchen door frame with a plastic bag in one hand and his keys in the other.

“Why did you let me buy these fucking melona bars?” Hidan opened the freezer once again, waiting for his roommate to answer.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. “Because you wanted them? Did someone hit you in the head with their racket?”

“Ugh no.” He groaned. “Sakura was there.”

“You blackmailer?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

“Hm. Anyways I’m going over to Deidara’s.”

“Good fucking talk.” Hidan sarcastically snapped, shutting the freezer for the last time. He turned to fully face the other man. “Why’re you going to Deidara’s?”

“Itachi’s there and I gotta drop off his stuff. I’ll be too busy during the week to do it then so I’m going now before he leaves.” Kakuzu rearranged the keys in his grip before turning to leave.

“Wait,” Hidan pulled open the freezer and snatched the box before following him to the front door. “I’ll go with you.”

“Hurry up.”

Hidan slipped on his shoes. Drinking with his friends would probably make him feel better, and it wasn’t like he disliked Itachi all of a sudden just because his cute blackmailer might be interested in him. It’d take a lot more than a little uncomfortable feelings to get in between their friendships, but he knew he didn’t properly address any of his thoughts like how he wanted to. Nothing got pinned down and the more time he’d undoubtedly have to spend with Sakura, the less he could probably ignore it.

Hidan sighed, he was definitely getting drunk tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The never ending frustration of having to create the content of rare pairs you want to see on this site. SIGH. :P I hope you enjoyed yet another installment of this nonsense, go ahead and drop a review if you'd like and as always, see you next chapter!


	11. The One Where They All Get Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned, I didn't have my beta when writing this chapter so there was no one to stop me from switching the POV basically every other sentence and I didn't notice until reading through the completed thing. By then I was too lazy to go back and fix it all so fuck it, you get some of Sakura's thoughts AND Hidan's. Enjoy! ;P

3:20PM

As expected, Kisame and Itachi were still at Deidara’s by the time they arrived. It wasn’t uncommon to find any of them lingering around Deidara’s considering he lived in the middle of all their homes. Finding them in a new change of clothes and still damp hair from a shower was also not surprising. With Sasori gone, their little gang definitely took advantage of Deidara’s hospitality, even if Itachi would deny him having any at all.

“I brought your stuff, Itachi.” Kakuzu said after chatting with them for a while in the living room. He nodded to the reusable bag placed on the floor by his feet. Itachi raised a brow before getting up.

“We can discuss it in the kitchen.” He stated, before leading the way for Kakuzu.

“Why do they have to go into the kitchen to talk about whatever’s in that bag?” Deidara asked once they were out of earshot.

Hidan gave a short shrug, not quite sure yet if he wanted to make good on Kakuzu’s threat from earlier. “Who cares. Anyways, I came over ‘cause I wanna—”

“Beauty products probably. Or maybe drugs.” Kisame interrupted. “Yesterday Itachi asked me kind of cleanser I was using. I told him I just rub crack on my face and call it a day.”

“Hey, I was fucking talking—”

“If it’s beauty products -  _ ugh _ . I don’t even know why Itachi continues wasting his time and money testing out products when I’ve already  _ told _ him what the best stuff on the market is right now, un.” Deidara ranted. “Look, you can’t even see a single pore on my face. I  _ know _ what I’m talking about.”

“HEY!” Hidan shouted, snapping his fingers in front of their faces, successfully halting Kisame’s inspection of Deidara’s invisible pores. “I wanna get drunk. I even brought some fucking icecream to make drinks with.” The melona box was beginning to get soggy which was a clear indication that it had been out of the freezer for a little too long and the icecream most likely melted. Although, in the end, that wouldn’t matter much since it was all meant to be blended up anyways. It was just going to be a bitch getting it out of the wrapper without making a mess.

“Well, as you can see, we can’t use my kitchen, un. We’re being barred out since they wanna have their secret beautiful people’s meeting in there.”

“You realize you just dissed all of us by saying that, right?” Kisame said, slightly miffed. If there was even such a thing as the Beautiful People’s club, Kisame knew without a shadow of doubt he’d be the fucking president of it.

“We can make it out here. I just need the blender and a bottle. We’ll be in and out so they can’t bitch.” Hidan quickly explained. He didn’t want to give them time to speak because given long enough, they would get sucked into a dumb derailing argument about magical 2D girls.

“I guess.” Deidara tilted his head to get a better look at the flavor of ice cream displayed on the box. “What is that? Melona? I thought you didn’t like them, un.”

Any other time and Hidan probably would’ve felt a little touched knowing his friends remembered the random shit he said in passing, but instead it just frustrated him. He didn’t need the constant reminder of why he went out of his way to buy it. “I never said I didn’t like it. Just that it’s not my first fucking choice, alright? Now are you gonna get the fucking blender or not?”

“You seem a little on edge.” Kisame remarked. “Is it because of earlier?”

“What do you mean  _ earlier _ ?” Hidan shot back defensively.

“With Pinky. You looked all up in your head by the time we finished.”

“What the fuck, no I wasn’t.” Hidan denied. He was well aware that one of his weakest traits was the fact that he wore his heart on his sleeve. Occasionally Kisame would tease him for it, pointing it out whenever he got caught saying how he didn’t want to talk about something, only to immediately talk about it. Hidan hoped this was one of the times his friend wouldn’t see through the façade. The last thing he felt like talking about was Sakura.

“He’ll talk about his feelings three drinks in, watch.” Kisame said to Deidara who nodded.

“No doubt, un.”

“I’m not a lightweight, fuckers.”

“You and me both know you can never hold anything in for long - even when you’re sober.” Kisame elaborated. With a mock salute, he left to fetch the blender and bottle, ignoring the bird Hidan flipped in his peripheral.

Deidara shuffled over to the sofa. A small push shoved it aside to expose the outlet in the wall behind it. “So,” he began conversationally. “I’m guessing you didn’t sort out your shit like you planned.”

Besides the few minutes spent opening and closing his freezer as he pondered on the many facets of his new confusing feelings, Hidan felt it wouldn’t be out of pocket to snarkily respond,  _ no Deidara, I didn’t figure out shit _ . However, given the fact that he was currently on a denying spree, Hidan just shook his head and shrugged.

“You gonna say anything to Itachi?” Deidara perched himself on the arm of the couch, watching him closely.

“There ain’t shit to say.”

“I’ve returned with the goods, milords.” Kisame twirled into the living room, interrupting Deidara’s interrogation. Sweeping both arms in great twin arcs, he presented the blender grasped in one hand and a vodka bottle in the other.

“You didn’t bring any cups?” Observed Deidara.

“I only have two hands.” Kisame set to work plugging in the blender and motioned to Hidan for the ice cream. The blonde sighed and left to grab them some cups. When he returned, he had an extra item with him.

“What’s in the bag? Shrooms?” Hidan asked, eyeing the crumpled paper bag in Deidara’s grasp.

“I go in there and they just look at me. You go and come back with drugs.” Kisame said over the loud whirring of the blender. “You’re supposed to say no to drugs.”

Fixing them both an unimpressed look, Deidara held out his cup to be filled with the freshly mixed slush. He waited til it was topped off before opening the paper bag and pulling out silly straw glasses and decorative little umbrellas. “If we’re gonna get drunk we might as well make it festive, un. It is December after all.” He handed each of them their own pairs and umbrellas.

“Little umbrellas? In  _ December _ ?”

“Wait Hidan, he has a point.” Kisame eagerly took the pair of the silly straw glasses and adjusted them securely on his face. “How do I look?”

“Festive, un.”

“Like a dumbass.”

“You’re just a hater.” Kisame quipped, sucking on his straw happily.

“You’ll taste that in about five years.” Hidan watched the drink travel through the straw in all it’s loops and curves.

“Don’t be a party-pooper. You’re the one who wanted to drink, un.” Deidara leaned forward to place a pair on Hidan.

Feeling as if this was the price to pay for wanting to drink with friends, Hidan didn’t bother trying to stop him. “I didn’t think it’d come with all this extra shit.”

“What the fuck is happening here?”

The 3 of them turned to see Kakuzu standing at the entrance of the kitchen. The sight of them huddled around the blender, holding a bright green drink, and wearing silly fucking straw glasses was taking a moment for his mind to process.

“We’re getting drunk.” Hidan explained plainly. He wiggled his drink to emphasize the point.

“Oh great.” Kakuzu scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Well I’m leaving. Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

Deidara snorted. “Yeah, sure, un.” With a task like that, he might as well have asked to do a backflip over the sun too.

“Bye sweetheart.” Hidan blew a kiss towards Kakuzu who flicked him off before leaving.

Soon after that Itachi appeared, now holding the mystery bag. Fixing his usual sunglasses in place, he acknowledged them with a nod. “I’m leaving.”

“You don’t want to stay and drink? More alcohol cures a hangover. Trust me, I’m a doctor.” Kisame grinned.

“Thank you, but no. That does not sound appealing right now. Be responsible.” Itachi inclined his head and then left.

Between the 3 of them, the blender was almost already empty. “I think it’s time for the second batch, boys.” Hidan announced. As he scraped more melted melona bars off their popsicle sticks and into the blender, Deidara nudged Kisame with his elbow.

“Hey, did you hear my front door close?”

“Over the sound of his aggressive fucking sucking I doubt he heard anything.” Hidan snickered.

“I could squish your head like a melon any day I wanted, yet you test me.”

Deidara nudged the bigger man again, regaining his attention. “Can you go check to make sure it’s closed?”

“How do I know you won’t poison me while I’m gone?” Kisame asked with a sidelong glance.

“I can’t kill you until you tell me where you hid my Sakumi racket. Little shit.”

“That’s big shit to you.” Kisame replied curtly. He carefully pulled the end of his straw out of his cup before sticking in his mouth to suck the remaining slush. “Refill this while I’m gone.” He instructed, handing the cup to Hidan.

* * *

This’ll be quick, easy,  _ simple. _ Sakura stood on her neighbor’s doorstep, freshly showered in a comfy outfit of black leggings and a white batwing sweater and feeling only  _ slightly  _ out of place. It shouldn’t feel weird returning a forgotten tennis racket to her neighbor’s. If anything it was  _ neighborly. _

Sakura looked down at her hand that tightly gripped the wrapped handle and frowned. There was only a very, very,  _ very _ small chance that Hidan would be the one on the other side of the door and luck usually didn’t favor her chance endeavors. However, once she saw the racket, all the dots seemed to lead here.

Of course she could’ve just left it alone or even handed the thing off to Sasuke to pass on to his brother. But if she did that, then she wouldn’t have the perfect excuse anymore. Waiting for Nagato to do something to spur Hidan into hanging out again could take days, and Sakura didn’t have that type of patience. The more logical part of her - which she seemed to be ignoring more and more these days - whispered that her reasoning for being here shouldn’t even have been a blip on her radar. However, that couldn’t stop her mind from continuously thinking about it since she noticed it first at the park and even after returning home.

Why did Hidan leave without saying goodbye?

The more Sakura thought about it, the more it annoyed her and the more it annoyed her, the more she felt like she was being childish about the whole thing! It shouldn’t matter, but for whatever reason it did. Maybe it was because, despite her efforts, Hidan was charming his way into a friendship with her.

Clearly the ‘keeping him at arm’s length’ method wasn’t working, but even with that thought in mind, Sakura still raised her hand to knock on Deidara’s door.

Except she missed.

The door had sung inwards to reveal Uchiha fucking Itachi. “Uh.” It was probably the least graceful way to greet him, but his presence was an unexpected factor here and Sakura didn't have time to shift gears into ‘Proper Manners To Exhibit When In The Presence Of An Uchiha (besides Sasuke) 101’.

“Sakura… hello.” Aside from the slightly raised eyebrow over the brim of his raybans, Itachi’s face remained neutral.

“Hey… Itachi.” Noticing her fist still hovering between them, Sakura quickly drew it back. Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Um, sorry. I didn’t expect you to answer the door, since you know, you don’t live here.” She attempted to laugh, but it sounded forced and awkward. It only made things worse when he didn’t respond. “Um, but yeah, I’m here to return this. It was left at the courts and it wasn’t any of ours. I made sure to double check, cause you know how forgetful Naruto can be. Always leaving something behind.” Oh god, she was rambling.

Sakura realized over the course of the matches that while Itachi’s blunt statements were amusing, they didn’t have much to talk about if alcohol wasn’t involved to loosen them up a bit. Being as hot as he was  _ and _ the fact that he was Sasuke’s brother made him very intimidating. And she was too sober to deal with that right now.

“LITTLE MISS!”

The height and build of the figure behind Itachi was hard not to recognize at this point. Kisame grinned down at her. “What brings you here?”

“One of you forgot your racket at the park. Sakura so kindly took it upon herself to come drop it off.” Itachi answered, gesturing to the equipment in her hand. Taking that as her cue, Sakura offered up the racket while trying not to look directly at Kisame’s face. The guy had silly straw glasses on his fucking face.

“Oh, this is mine.” Kisame blinked, taking the offered racket. “You brought this all the way here? Just for me? I’m  _ touched _ .”

“Oh. Oh no, I live literally right next door.”

Kisame sniffed dramatically, cradling the racket close to his heart. “REGARDLESS. I appreciate this token of friendship and I accept.”

“Oi, what the fuck is going on here. Someone selling girl scout cookies or somethin’?”

“Why do you all have such big heads? I can’t see who's at my front door, un!”

Shimmying their way past their large friend and one slightly disgruntled Uchiha, Deidara and Hidan popped into view. Sakura immediately locked her gaze with Hidan’s, catching the surprise and confusion that flittered over his features.

“Sakura?”

Luck seemed to be on her side today. Hidan  _ was _ here, but so were his 3 other friends who she was not about to ask her question in front of. She was already feeling silly for doing this in the first place but now, standing here in front of them all, she felt absolutely fucking ridiculous. What an absurd idea, showing up at Hidan’s friend’s door hoping he was here so she could ask a dumb a question as, ‘ _ why didn’t you say bye to me? _ ’

“Sorry.” Even as she said it, she wasn’t entirely sure what she was apologizing for. Sakura tried putting on a smile as she took a step backwards. “I was just dropping something off.”

“Wait, wait!” Kisame hurried, pushing Hidan and Deidara behind him. “You showing up was meant to be! We were just making drinks and you should join us!”

“Oh, I...” Sakura paused. That was unexpected. Searching their faces to assess how they each felt about the extended invitation, Itachi remained looking unbothered, Deidara’s annoyed face barely peeked over Kisame’s shoulder and Hidan… she couldn’t see. Even if he was hidden behind the taller man, he still didn’t say anything. Sakura felt a twinge of disappointment. “I wouldn’t want to intrude. Maybe next ti—”

“It’s melona!” Hidan shouted, reappearing and thrusting a drink that was sporting a cute little cocktail umbrella past his friends for her to see.

“Melona?” Sakura looked at the drink then Hidan. An unexpected wave of giddiness flowed through her. “Like the  _ ice cream _ ?”

Hidan nodded concisely. With his hand still outstretched and the ardent look in his eye, Sakura couldn’t help the smile that stretched her lips. But before she could say anything, Itachi stepped past the doorway and past her. Casting one quick look over his shoulder, he bid them a pleasant evening and continued down the walkway and across the street to where his black sedan was parked.

“Don’t mind him, he’s hungover.” Kisame chuckled. He pushed Hidan’s arm aside to make room in the doorway. “So you coming in?”

“You’re acting like this is your place, un.” Deidara muttered under his breath, crossing his arms. 

“I don’t mind joining.” Sakura hesitantly said, catching the dissatisfaction radiating from Deidara. But next to him, she also caught Hidan perk up at her words and that was enough to eclipse the apprehension. However, she still wanted to be respectful. Even if Kisame was genuinely welcoming, it was still Deidara’s home. She shifted her gaze to him. “If it’s okay with Deidara.”

“I guess.” He grumbled, turning on his heel and heading back deeper into the house.

* * *

To be honest, Sakura didn’t expect to ever see the inside of Deidara’s home again. Passing by the kitchen doorway on the way to the living room, Sakura glanced inside and was met with a flash of déjà vu. Once again reminded of the rules she herself set in place for them, it seemed ironic she was the only one that seemed to be breaking them.

“Take a seat. I’ll get you a cup, un.” Deidara gestured to the sofa before turning back to the kitchen.

Settling at one end of the couch, Sakura watched Kisame pick up his half melted drink from the coffee table while handing Hidan a different cup.

“Don’t forget your straw.” Kisame reminded, giving a pointed look at the two remaining straws on the coffee table before placing his own back in his drink.

“You  _ all _ have a pair?” Sakura bit her lip in an attempt to hold back a giggle.

“We’re being festive or some shit.” Hidan grumbled, taking a seat at the other end of the couch. “Deidara’s idea.”

“And a good idea at that, un.” Deidara said as he walked back in. He handed Sakura a cup and she hesitantly thanked him.

“Here,” Hidan extended his hand towards her, motioning for the cup, which she gave. “It’s a little melted, but whatever, it’s still gonna get you drunk.” He reached over the arm of the couch for a moment before handing back a filled glass.

“Well, that’s all that matters, isn’t it?” Sakura smiled before taking a sip. “Do you have any more of those cute straw glasses by the way?”

“I only had three of each, but here,” Deidara plucked out his own umbrella and placed it in her cup. “You can have this umbrella, un.”

“The umbrella isn’t the same as the straw.” Reaching forward, Hidan swiped his glasses from the table and offered it to her. “Here, you can have mine.”

“Ew Hidan,  _ no _ . I don’t think my best friend wants to drink your  _ spit _ .” Kisame chopped his hand through the space between them.

“ _ Huh _ ?”

“His spit?” Sakura question, obviously confused.

“Yes, his spit. There’s leftovers in the straw after you drink from it.” Kisame explained.

“Calling spit ‘leftovers’ sound disgusting.” Deidara commented, repulsed at the idea.

“Well she either gets the fucking spit glasses or nothing since Dei doesn’t have any more, fucker.” Hidan snapped back, waving the accessory towards her without looking. At the unexpected soft touch of fingertips brushing against his own, Hidan froze.

“I don’t mind the spit glasses.” She slid the glasses from his fingers and onto her face. Her green eyes sparkled with mirth. “I’m sure you don’t have any cooties.”

“No, just herpes.” Deidara sarcastically drawled. Hidan turned a heated glare in his direction while Kisame cackled loudly.

The banter between them that Sakura got a peek of earlier at the park returned, and she quickly learned that was just how they interacted with one another. Kisame’s outlandish humor, Deidara’s quick, witty retorts and Hidan being the butt of most of their jokes but still having good clapbacks of his own had her in stitches most of the time. Through the laughs and jokes, batches 3 and 4 of the melona drink were blended and Sakura found herself easing more and more into comfort.

The alcohol, however, could not block out the heavy gaze she could feel on her occasionally. Deidara ended up sitting in the spot in between her and Hidan when he wasn’t getting up to grab more alcohol or making more drinks. But every time he  _ did _ get up, she could feel Hidan’s eyes on her profile. It made her stomach flip flop, but she couldn’t bring herself to look. If she looked and stared into that intense sea of magenta, she might just blurt out the ridiculous question that still, even in this moment, remained at the forefront of her mind.

So instead, she continued to sip her drink and nod at whatever Kisame was rambling on about until Deidara returned to be their buffer.

* * *

5:01PM

Sometime in the evening, Kisame suggested the brilliant idea that they play a drinking game that required watching the Harry Potter movies. There were key words in the movies so that every time a character said one, they’d have to take a drink and whenever Harry saved the day, they’d have to chug the whole thing.

“We have to take Harry's full name out, un. It’s unfair since like, everyone is  _ always _ saying it.” Deidara complained.

“That’s the fucking point. We’re trying to get drunk here.” Hidan said from the floor. Somewhere between the 5th and 6th batch, he had slid down off the sofa and was now leaning against it with his legs crossed casually in front of him.

“If it’s a part of the game then I’m for it.” Sakura nodded, already feeling competitive even if there was nothing to win in the end except for a hangover.

“We’re all going to regret this.” Deidara sighed. “Our drinks are basically just alcohol now. Our melona supply is running out, un.”

“We can do shots if that’s what you’re trying to say.” Kisame chuckled, already skimming through the blonde’s movie collection.

“I guess.” Deidara lifted himself up from his seat and headed towards the kitchen. “I’m gonna grab some snacks, un.” He called back.

The sound of crinkling plastic made Sakura look down towards Hidan who was fiddling with the melona wraps. Leaning forward she gently tugged at the end of a silver lock. Expecting it to be hard with gel or hairspray, she was surprised to find it was soft and smooth. “I thought you didn’t like melona bars?”

He looked back at her with a quirked brow . For a moment, Sakura thought he was going to ignore her by how he silently returned to messing with the wrappings. She frowned before flinching back, startled when Hidan tossed the wrapper at her with a smirk. “I never said I didn’t like ‘em. Just that they were  _ okay _ .”

She smacked the floating wrapper down with an amused look. “Oh  _ really _ ?”

Hidan scoffed. “What? You think I’m lying?” He twisted his body, placing his arm on the seat cushion near her. His hand was close enough to her thigh that she could feel the heat of his skin radiating against her leggings. Sakura pushed down the sudden urge to close the gap and brush her thigh against his fingers.

“You’re turning red.” Hidan tilted his head curiously - the corners of his lips twitched upwards.

“I turn red when I drink.” Sakura retorted, shoving his arm off the couch with her hand, making him laugh.

“Now, now, you two, save it for the bedroom please.” Kisame teased, reminding them both that they weren’t exactly alone in the room. “Or actually, maybe after movie one I wouldn’t mind watching. By that point I’ll probably be drunk.”

“I only heard half of that and honestly I'm glad I wasn’t here for the whole thing, un.” Deidara returned and dropped multiple snack sized bags of chips on the coffee table. He plopped himself down next to Hidan on the floor, effectively blocking any further possible physical exchange between him and Sakura. “Also Kisame, aren’t you a lightweight? You sure you wanna play this game?”

Finally having found the movie set, Kisame placed the disk of the first movie in the PlayStation and settled back at his previous spot on the floor before responding. “I think you’re confusing me with our local pale and sweaty being the lightweight, which is honestly kinda insulting.”

“Who’s the local pale and sweat-- _ oh _ .” Sakura bit back a laugh, realizing they were talking about  _ Hidan _ .

Said local pale and sweaty chugged the rest of his drink before sighing in defeat. “I fucking hate it here.”

* * *

1:37AM

It was nearing the end of the 4th movie and Harry Potter’s name was once  _ again _ called out, forcing them all to take a swig of their new drink, lemonade and vodka. Turned out Deidara had a package of old powdered lemonade in the back of one of his cabinets when they were searching for a substitute once the melona completely ran out. After discarding their straws and attempting to take shots for the game, Sakura, as a medical student, had to stop and remind them all that alcohol poisoning was a thing. (Kisame conveniently avoided mentioning he was also studying medicine.)

“Imagine DYING to the Dark Lord? PFFT. Couldn’t be me!” Kisame roared with laughter.

“You’d definitely fucking die. A big ass target like you?” Hidan guffawed. “Yeah, no way Voldymorty would miss, seriously.”

“Does that count as a nickname? Do we drink?” Sakura asked, remembering that Voldemort’s many name’s required a drink.

Deidara nodded enthusiastically. “Take two swigs since Kisame called him the Dark Lord too, un!”

Being as drunk as they were, all sense of moderation had completely ceased to exist and they all chugged the remaining contents of their drinks.. 

Kisame gave a little wiggle before singing out, “I think I’m gonna be siiiiiick sooooooon.”

“I’m so fucked up.” Deidara sighed, twirling his empty glass with a thoughtful look. “You know what sounds good right now?

Kisame opened his arms. “A hug? Because I’m ready.”

Deidara shook his head. “No, taking off my pants.” He smacked his cup down and abruptly stood up before flinging his arms out in an attempt to steady himself.

“But wait, I’m a virgin, Deidara.” Hidan leaned away from the blonde who now had his eyes squeezed closed.

“The world is spinning aaaaaaaaand…… nevermind it stopped, un.” Deidara opened his eyes and quickly went to work on unbuttoning his pants.

“He’s actually gonna do it.” Sakura whispered in disbelief before hastily flopping over to cover Hidan’s eyes. “Indecent exposure is scheduled for Fridays.”

Deidara’s hands paused just as they gripped the sides of his jeans. “What day is it?” He asked. It was quiet for a moment as their drunk laden mind’s worked to figure out what day it was before all answering at the same time.

Sakura, not 100% sure: “Tuesday.”

Kisame, now sprawled on the floor like a starfish: “Time is a man made construct.”

Hidan, only because he knew he had work on Tuesday: “Sunday.”

Looking at all of them one by one, Deidara sighed. “… I just want to be free.” The pants were tugged down and kicked off dramatically. It was a feat in and of itself he didn’t fall over in the process.

Pulling back from Hidan, Sakura got a full view of the dark blue boxer briefs. “Oh, Calvin Klein. Nice.”

Hidan tapped her thigh with the back of his hand. “Hey, stop checking out my friend.”

“What I think he means to say is, check  _ him _ out instead.” Kisame mumbled, sounding less coherent by the minute.

“I’ve already done that.” She exclaimed. “When I first met him, he was shirtless!”

“I think I might sleep in my tub, it sounds comfy.” Deidara mused to himself, ignoring his friends and in turn, them ignoring him. He wandered away, most likely to fulfill this new dream of his.

Kisame flopped his hand in a pathetic wave. “Well you haven’t seen  _ all _ of Hidan. It’s like those infomercials. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!”

“FUCKING YEAH, EXACTLY.”

Sakura gave Hidan a skeptical look and sniffed. “Alright then, show me the goods.”

His answer was immediate. “I can’t, I’m saving myself for marriage.”

“I don’t think I can be your mistress anymore then.” Sliding down the couch until she sat next to Hidan on the floor, Sakura nudged Kisame with her foot. Sleep must’ve already started to claim him on account of the whole body flinch she got with one tap. He squinted accusingly at her socked foot and then her face.

“What do you and the foot want?”

“Looking for a mistress?” Sakura asked with a coy smile.

Hidan straightened up next to her. “Wait—”

Even sleepy and drunk, Kisame caught on quickly. “I am indeed actually in the market for one now, yes.”

She turned her smug smirk on Hidan. “Perfect. I like ‘em tall anyways.”

“Hell yeah.” Kisame managed to murmur out before closing his eyes again.

Sakura kept her gaze glued on Hidan’s. Her smirk did not falter once despite being met with a frown.

“What? I’m not fucking tall enough for you? You need mister green bean giant over there, huh?”

“Hmm, I’m cold.” She sighed, changing the subject. It was only a little harmless teasing and it was fun. Sakura could now understand why he enjoyed doing it so much to her.

Grumbling, Hidan crossed his arms. “And what do you want me to do about that?”

She gave a shrug. “You’re my boyfriend-not-boyfriend something, something, right? Fix it?”

“Demands, demands, demands. What do I get out of this

Not expecting the conversation to turn in this direction, Sakura swallowed her premeditated witty retort. Suddenly, she was acutely aware of the very limited space remaining between them and her heart sped up in anticipation. “I don’t know. What would you want?”

“I…” Hidan paused, his gaze traveled away from hers and he cleared his throat. “I don’t know.” When he finally answered, Sakura had to wonder if he really didn’t know or if he had to stop from saying something else.

A sigh slipped out of her that she didn’t even notice holding onto. “Well...I don’t know how to help you with your lack of creativity.” Banter was a safe thing to return to. It was safer than whatever territory they almost stumbled into.

“I’m fucking drunk. Leave me alone.” He stuck his tongue out before wobbling to his feet. She watched him confused.

“Where’re you going?”

“Deidara has a kotatsu somewhere put away here.” He answered, taking one long step over the now snoring Kisame. He looked back at her questioningly. “Unless you’re tryna sleep in his bed or the floor like this poor fuck.”

“What about the couch?” Sleeping in Deidara’s bed just seemed like a quick way onto his shit list if she wasn’t already there and while Kisame did look comfortable, waking up on the floor with a hangover did not sound appealing. Ironically, leaving and returning to her own home did not seem to cross her mind.

“It only fits one.” Hidan explained.

It took a moment for Sakura to realize Hidan didn’t plan on sharing the space with her despite knowing they could probably both fit on the couch if they just cuddled close. “Oh. Yeah, true.”

“I’m gonna check the bathroom.” He whispered, returning his focus on the bathroom door. They probably should’ve been whispering this whole time, but fuck it. Kisame slept like a truck when drunk and even if they did manage to wake Deidara, alcohol cut through his sassy attitude by half. He’d probably be the one apologizing for being woken up, Hidan thought, amused.

Still, Hidan turned the bathroom knob carefully, not wanting to make any loud noises if he could help it. The light inside was on and it spilled out past him as he glanced inside to check on his friend. The cold porcelain must’ve not been as comfortable as it originally seemed, since Deidara laid snuggled up in a makeshift nest of bath towels. All in all though, he  _ did _ manage to fulfill his wish of sleeping in the bathtub.

“That does look comfy.” Sakura’s voice whispered from behind him. Hidan felt her hand press softly on his lower back as she peered past his arm to also look inside. It sent a pleasant tingle up his spine.

“Yeah, and when he wakes up with a shit hangover, at least he’ll have the toilet right there.” Hidan snorted, closing the door quickly and moving out of her reach. He didn’t say anything when he heard her muted footsteps continue to follow him.

Once up the stairs, Sakura waited out in the hall, feeling a little too awkward to enter Deidara’s room while Hidan rummaged around it’s contents with little care for the mess he left in his wake.

“It’s not fucking in here.” He groaned, closing the closet doors. If the alcohol wasn’t making his body feel heavy before, then having to exert this much physical energy sure as hell was. Hidan just wanted to lay down and be halfway to dreamland already. The bed tucked in the corner of the room was beginning to tempt him before Sakura’s voice sounded in the darkness.

“What about the other room?” She asked, referring to the other door further down the hall. Deidara’s home was almost a complete replica of her own as were most of the townhouses built on this street. She knew that was another bedroom for sure.

“That’s Sasori’s room.”

“Sasori?”

Hidan nodded, stepping out of Deidara’s room and shutting the door behind him. “Dei’s roommate. He’s away visiting family or some shit.”

“Well, what if the kotatsu is in his room?”

“Could be. But I’m pretty sure his door is locked.”

“Just sneak in.”

“You mean break in?”

Sakura shrugged. “It’s not breaking in if we’re not burglars.”

“… That is not how it works I think.” Hidan brought his hand to his mouth to hide the amused grin. Based on her current track record, he shouldn’t be surprised by her mischievous streak anymore.

“I feel like you know how to pick some locks.” She said casually, making Hidan scoff.

“What a shitty assumption on my character, seriously.” Not that she was necessarily  _ wrong _ , but still.

Sakura began moving backwards towards the other room, heaving one big dramatic sigh. “Can’t keep me warm, can’t pick locks. Disappointment after disappointment.”

Instantly fueled by the need to prove himself, since he was definitely _not_ one to disappoint, Hidan marched to the other door. While busying himself with the decision of what card from his wallet to use to help open the door, he missed the self-satisfied smirk Sakura was sporting.

One quiet minute and a popped lock later, they were successfully inside.

Based on the very few rare instances when Hidan needed to be inside Sasori’s room (only when Sasori needed to move furniture around) a quick scan basically confirmed that it virtually looked the same as it always did. Very neat, very tidy, and kind of too plain for Hidan’s tastes. However, the silhouette standing in front of the window, basking in the moonlight was definitely not there last time and Hidan froze in his tracks.

“What the fuck is _th_ _ at _ ?”

“Huh?” Sakura looked in the direction Hidan’s wide gaze was fixed on. Mannequin Sakura in front of the window. “Oh, I almost forgot she existed.” She chuckled, patting Hidan on the shoulder. “Deidara’s roommate is obsessed with me I think.”

Hidan sputtered, somewhat relieved it wasn’t an actual person, but also completely and absolutely flabbergasted that this thing existed in the first place. “You knew this was  _ here _ ? I didn’t even see it when I—” his brain stumbled over itself. “—uhhh, the last time I was in here!”

He almost admitted to not seeing it when he jumped out of her bedroom window. Granted, there was a lot going on that night and especially in that moment, but he felt he would’ve noticed something as eerie as  _ this _ existing and watching him and his friends commit some crimes.

“So it’s new then.” Sakura surmised, moving closer to inspect the mannequin. “Honestly the craftsmanship isn’t bad at all. I’d probably like it more if it were anyone but me.”

“No, it’s fucking creepy. Stop looking at it before it sucks out your soul.”

“I’ve grown to accept her existence in the world. I even chat with her sometimes.” Sakura admitted.

“You  _ speak _ to it?” This was becoming too much for Hidan’s drunk brain to wrap around.

“She’s a good listener when I need to vent.”

“Yeah, ‘cause she can’t fucking talk ‘cause she’s a fucking  _ mannequin _ . There are real friends for that.”

“I don’t need all my friends knowing I’m blackmailing someone to get back at my ex.”

Hidan saw her point. He recalled the moment at the park when he met her friends, Naruto and Sasuke. “Wait, so  _ none _ of your friends know? About anything?”

Facing the window, Sakura spoke as she fiddled with the latch to open it. “Actually two of them know. Not all the details, like the dates and stuff, but just the main premise of the idea.” She ran her fingers along the edges of the screen before popping it out and laying it against the wall. She looked back at him. “What about your friends?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, they basically all know.” Hidan scrunched up his face. “By the way, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Oh. I plan on stealing her.”

“What the fuck, I thought you said it’s not breaking in if we’re not burglars. I came in here for  _ one  _ reason and it was not to steal no damn mannequin.” Even drunk, Hidan didn’t dare remove any of Sasori’s personal items from his room… with the exception of the kotatsu, but technically it was split half and half with Deidara so it didn’t count.

“Look. See how my window is missing it’s screen for whatever reason,” she motioned to her window across the way and then to the screen leaning against the wall. “So now that this is gone, I can reach through and pull her to my place.”

“How is that going to work? That doesn’t make sense.”

“All I need are a lot of ropes and some determination.” She flexed an arm at him. “The muscle power comes free.”

Hidan stared at her in disbelief before walking up and grabbing the screen. “ _ No _ .”

Next to him Sakura grumbled her dissatisfaction at his lack of understanding. Although one corner or the screen slid back in seamlessly, the other corners refused to cooperate. Hidan squinted his eyes in an attempt to concentrate through his drunk perception, but it failed and he fumbled the screen between his fingers before it fell back out the window and onto the grass outside.

“Look at what you did.” Sakura whispered, nudging his arm when they both stuck their heads out the window to see where it landed. “You’re gonna have to go get that now.”

“Fuck.” Hidan swore, rubbing his face. This was just fucking perfect. “Let’s find this damn kotatsu first. I didn’t break into Sasori’s room to be greeted by shadow you for fucking nothing.”

On account of Sasori being a  _ million  _ times more annoying than Deidara when it came to his shit, Hidan began  _ carefully  _ scanning the room with just his eyes. Luckily though, since the room was kept so neat, there were only a few places it could possibly be stored and they eventually found it tucked away in the closet. Carrying it out of the room was easy enough, however bringing it down the stairs was a whole different matter. Between Sakura’s poorly contained giggles and his own frustration at the world’s axis seeming to shift back and forth, Hidan decided to just plop it in the hallway between the rooms and drag an extension cord from Deidara’s room to hook it up.

“I thought you were sleeping on the couch?” Hidan asked when Sakura maneuvered herself under the thick blanket.

“I was, but this is so much warmer.” She smiled innocently up at him before reminding him that the screen was still outside in the grass.

Awkwardly stepping over the kotatsu and stumbling down the stairs, Hidan considered sleeping on the couch as he left out the front door to the side of the house. Hoping the cold air against his face would help produce some sober thoughts, it only proceeded to make him feel drunker.

“Fuck.” He cursed, feeling slightly frustrated. The hazier his mind became, the more enticing the thought of sleeping next to her sounded. Hidan wasn’t sure if Sakura was as drunk as him, but if she was just doing this to mess with him, he couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore.

After returning inside and placing the screen back in its place, Hidan locked the door and looked at the dark vague shape down the hall that was Sakura and the kotatsu. She hadn’t made a sound when he passed over her, so it seemed safe to assume she had fallen asleep. Without her awake to tempt him, Hidan solidified his decision about sleeping on the couch. Even though he really,  _ really _ wanted to lay down next to her.

Once again moving to step over her, he froze when there was a tug at the bottom of his jeans.

“Where’re you going?” Sakura asked.

“The couch.” He responded after a moment. The hallway was dark and it was hard to see her face, but he heard her sigh.

“Don’t be silly, there’s enough room here for the both of us.”

“I…” Hidan began, but stopped when she tugged a bit harder.

“C’mere.” She coaxed.

If Hidan had been sober, he would have thought how pathetic it must’ve looked for how easily she swept away his resolve. However, he was fucking drunk, so instead he just nodded and moved under the blanket when she lifted it for him.

Now that they laid next to each other, face to face, Hidan could better make out her features in the dark. “Cozy, right?” She smiled before moving to place her hands on his cheeks. “You’re cold.”

“No shit, it was freezing outside.” He said, feeling breathless. 

“Yeah….” She responded, slowly closing her eyes and removing her hands from his face. They trailed down lightly alongst his arms and Hidan felt a brief flutter in his chest when her fingertips brushed against his own. Afraid to move, he let her loosely hold his hand. “I’ll warm your hands up.” She spoke softly to him.

“Okay.” He wanted to thread their fingers more securely together, but was worried it’d make her realize what she was doing.

Silence settled over them, broken only by the occasional snore from down the stairs. If Hidan had to tell someone how he thought this day would end, it would not be anywhere even remotely close to this scenario. Practically snuggled up next to Sakura, basically holding hands. Drunk or not he knew they were breaking all of their rules. Drunk or not, he couldn’t really find it in himself to care right now.

“Why didn’t you say bye to me when you left the park today?” Her soft voice startled him. Hidan thought she had already fallen asleep from how long the silence stretched on. When he didn’t immediately answer, she opened her eyes to peer at him. “It’s been bugging me all day.” She confessed.

“Sorry.” Hidan said first, feeling uncertain on how to handle her confrontation. To be honest, he didn’t think she would’ve noticed him leaving by how she was talking to Itachi. In fact, nothing today even alluded to the fact that she was bothered by him leaving without a word. “I didn’t think it mattered?” At the little furrow between her eyebrows, he realized brushing it off probably wasn’t the answer she was looking for. It suddenly felt 10 degrees hotter and it had nothing to do with the kotatsu. “I didn’t wanna interrupt whatever was going on between you and Itachi.”

“Itachi?”

“Yeah, you two looked super into whatever you were talking about. I didn’t wanna be a dick and interrupt or some shit.”

“We were only talking about his brother. You wouldn’t have been interrupting anything. If anything, interrupting probably would’ve helped a bit.” She huffed a small laugh.

“Helped?” Hidan asked, perplexed. “Helped with what exactly? You guys were flir—” Despite the fact he managed to catch himself, it was too late. He knew Sakura heard the slip up.

“Flirting?” The sleep from her eyes ebbed away as the conversation took an unexpected turn. “I don’t think we were flirting. He may be handsome, but I’m not interested in him like  _ that _ . We don’t have much in common.”

“You don’t gotta explain yourself.” Hidan hastily clarified. “I just thought, since you know, we’re faking dating or whatever, that if you were interested in one of my friends, I would wanna stop this whole thing.”

Sakura took a moment to let his words sink in before speaking. “That’s thoughtful of you. Very gentleman-y.”

“Whatever. That’s not even a damn  _ word _ .”

“So is that why you were acting all weird at tennis today? Because you thought I was interested in Itachi?”

Hidan snorted softly. “Fuck no.”

“Okay, let’s say hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically?” He shifted his gaze away from hers for a moment. “…….. Hypothetically let’s say… maybe.”

Sakura lightly tugged on his hand, drawing his attention back in time to see the earnest expression she wore. “I should make it clear to you now, I wouldn’t put you in a situation like that.”

“Just a blackmailing one?” Hidan couldn’t help but tease. There was a small chance she could’ve just been saying that to assuage his fears so he would continue with her plans, but considering the time he was spending with her, Hidan’s gut told him she wouldn’t lie about something like that.

Sakura laughed and shook her head. “I like you, Hidan - you’re pretty cool—”

_ I like you, Hidan _ . He knew damn well what she meant by saying that, but that didn’t stop the flutter in his chest from returning.

“—and I know we’ve only hung out a few times, we’re still barely getting to know each other, but despite the reasons why we’re hanging out in the first place, I’m having… fun. But if you’re not having fun, then I can’t continue to force you into it.”

Somewhere in his mind, Hidan began to mull over the proper words to try and explain that they  _ should _ actually be friends and hang out without an alternative motive, like how they did today, and see where things went from there. She hadn’t called him her friend, but he had hoped it was implied behind the,  _ I like you _ . However, due to the fuzziness in his brain, all he managed to say was: “I’m okay with it right now.”

The tension in her shoulders relaxed as she sighed, obviously relieved. “Okay.” She gave him a sleepy lopsided smile. Bit by bit, her eyes fell shut again and Hidan was absolutely sure she had drifted off to sleep this time, but then she pulled one of his hands up to cradle against her chest. “Do you think we would’ve met if we didn’t meet the way we did?” She then asked quietly.

“I dunno.” Hidan responded, equally as quiet despite feeling like his heart’s pounding was the loudest thing between them. Against his better judgement, he scooted a bit closer to her. Their breaths mingled, sweet from the melona and lemonade they drank. “I’m glad we did meet though.”

“I would’ve preferred a more normal way, but yeah… me too.” Sakura smiled warmly.

Hidan traced the lines of her face with his eyes, appreciating the little details like her barely there freckles, the delicate arch of her brows, the curve of her lips, and the curl of her lashes resting on her cheeks. Eventually sleep beckoned him and he slowly closed his eyes.

But not before completely threading their fingers together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. This was honestly the only thought in my mind as I scrapped together this idea, furiously rewrote the beginning about 10 times, and then at the end when I finally wrote the actual FLUFF. This is the chapter I've had brewing in my mind for a while now. It was constantly pushing me to get through the beginning half of the story to finally get here and even if the ending of the first draft was VASTLY different than the one here, I've come to like this final revision. And in the end, if you wanna see a cute story of a rare pair, you gotta write it yourself lol! Usually I have to hold back from rambling on in the author's notes but this time around, I guess I don't really have much to say.. HMMM ANYWAYS, as always, I hope you enjoyed reading! See you next chapter!


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